BOSSES IN THE WILD // Kathleen on The Sparkle Hour Podcast

January 5, 2018

No matter how many followers you have, you can still feel lonely. This week, Kathleen is on The Sparkle Hour Podcast talking about working through feeling like an outcast or a weirdo and the feelings of loneliness that come with it especially if those experiences were in some of those formative years. Listen to the full episode on The Sparkle Hour >>

This Episode Brought to You By:
"It does not matter how popular you are, you can still feel lonely or like you don't belong."
- Kathleen Shannon

Resources

More from Kathleen

Braid Creative

More from Emily

Almanac Supply Co.

Transcript

Kathleen Shannon 0:02
Hey boss, did you know that we're always hosting live hangouts boss webinars in person meetups and vacations. We're also creating a lot of content over here at being boss and we don't want you to miss out on the thing. The best way to stay updated is by joining our newsletter list. Just go to www.beingboss.club, where you can learn more about our in person and online events, sign up for our newsletter and never miss out on a thing.

Emily Thompson 0:29
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Kathleen Shannon 1:12
What's up bosses Kathleen here. So this week, I'm making a guest appearance over on our friends podcast, the sparkle hour, it's hosted by Michelle Lewis and Nicole Lewis Keibler. And Michelle and Nicole are both coaches. And in their podcasts, they cover all topics from mindset, money and empowerment, to promote wholeness, as well as to shine a light along the path for people who are learning how to sparkle some of their own shit out. So I first met Michelle and Nicole when I was speaking at venture pop in New Orleans a couple years ago. And speaking of sparkling and lighting Shut up, they lit the room up. So I don't know how many of you have spoken in front of a crowd, but it can be really nerve racking. And so I get so nervous every time I'm about to give a talk. And I usually lock in on someone who looks really friendly. And I remember locking eyes with Michelle. And she was just smiling and nodding and made me feel like okay, I can do this. So ever since then I've loved it whenever I've been able to cross paths with them in real life, and online. Okay, so I love being on Michelle and Nicole's podcast, because it gave me an opportunity to talk about some things that I don't often talk about on being boss are just, you know, in a more intentional and articulate way.

Kathleen Shannon 2:47
And what we really talked about is kind of some of like, those formative years of going through some shit and how sometimes whenever you go through a hard time like that can really be your superpower that can be really formative in helping you be who you are. And one of the things I always think about whenever it comes to going through hard times, is that everyone's got to do it. And I even remember whenever, you know, one of the first times I was going through like a big tough, rough stuff milestone, I remember thinking, Okay, I need to like never trust anybody who hasn't been through their shit, you know, because it's like always those people who think that they know best, kind of like how the best parents or people who don't have kids, right. So I think that, you know, whenever you go through hard times, it just makes you a lot more compassionate. And it really opens you up to being non judgmental in a really authentic way. Like, it's one thing to say I'm not judging you. But then to, in your mind be judging someone. And it's another to really just be open to everybody's experiences. And I think that whenever you go through hard times, it really allows you to open up to the fact that you don't have it figured out and that everyone's fighting their own battle, right. I also want to take a moment here to mention that it does not matter how popular you are, or what your metrics are.

Kathleen Shannon 4:23
You could have 10,000 followers on Instagram, you could have 100,000 followers, you could have 500,000, followers, whatever. You can still feel lonely or like you don't belong. And that was one of the things that I really wanted to talk about on the sparkle hour is this idea that I've always felt a little bit like an outsider. I was you know, you all might have heard me talk about this before, but I was voted every year in high school as a nonconformist, and I wore it like a badge of honor. But I think that the That badge was also covering up that it was really hard and scary, scary and lonely. To feel like such an outcast. And I talked a little bit on the sparkle hour about how maybe that feeling of isolation wasn't part of my own doing, it's so easy to want to blame other people for your experience and for how you how you're feeling, when in fact, it is your responsibility. It's just sometimes hard to know that as a 15 year old, right. And sometimes it's hard to know that as a 30 year old, we're all figuring it out. Alright, let's move on. And I'd love to give you a sneak peek of my episode on the sparkle hour, you can listen here.

Michelle Lewis 5:48
And I did want to go back to a little bit in the high school area, because I think that's where like your crucible was, and for so many of us who were outcasts or weirdos or like kind of the kids on the fringe. And I think that's a lot wider fringe than people give credit to because like the popular crowd was so small, but the rest of us were like, Where the fuck do we fit?

Kathleen Shannon 6:12
You know, ah, yeah, so excited to dig into this, because it's something I've been giving so much thought to, especially now that I'm a mom, my little boy is about to turn four. And I just, you know, and I have nephews now who are my age, whenever I was really feeling the most lonely or the most outcasts. And really now as an adult, like if I knew, then what I know now is that it's all within my own control and thinking and if I could have come to high school, with the amount of openness and confidence and you know, whatever it is that I have now, like or vulnerability, like, I just think it's something that's not taught to little kids enough to even think about how whenever I was a little kid in school, I would feel so dumb if I didn't know the answer, but we are learning for the first time ever, like, why was there always this expectation to always be right? Or have the answers whenever you're six years old? Right? Yes. I mean, at what point do you learn this, and so I have a lot of compassion and grace, like even for my own child, whenever he's being incredibly irrational, I can just remember, oh, this is his first time. I mean, maybe it's not his first time. But you know what I mean, first time in this iteration on the planet to be going through this, and he's never maybe felt this emotion before. And so I'm going to be there for him through that. And, you know, so for myself in high school, I just felt like such a weirdo. And I didn't really feel like I fit in with anybody else.

Kathleen Shannon 7:47
And I had this kind of creative expression in the way that I dressed. You know, I mean, you all have seen me in real life. And people still to this day, go, Oh, my gosh, I wish I could pull that off. I feel like fashion is in this way. Now that everyone's a lot more open. Probably, especially with the internet and fashion blogs and street style Instagram posts. I think a lot of people are a lot more open to it. But for the most part, I mean, actually not. I live in Oklahoma, and I still look like a total weirdo. And that's awesome. But I would fit in like, no big deal in New York City or Seattle, or probably San Francisco, you know what I mean? So anyway, I just always felt like such an outcast and such a weirdo. And that was, you know, reaffirmed. And, yeah, it was reaffirmed and validated by this most nonconformists label that I would get every year and the yearbook. And that was like, I was real proud of it. Like, okay, yes, they see me. But are they seeing me the way that I want to be seen, which is ultimately Yes, like, the last thing I wanted to do is fit in, but I still really wanted to belong. And I feel like that sense of belonging was right there for me. And I had some of it like I was in band. And you know, some of my band nerd friends, like we were in it together.

Kathleen Shannon 9:06
But I was kind of like that jack of all trades, whenever it comes, came to my different little cliques like, I was kind of hanging out with the art kids in the art studio. And oh, my gosh, one of my favorite memories from high school is that I started working on an oil painting and my art teacher went to the office because she could tell I was in flow, went to the office and excuse me from all my classes for the rest of the day. And I painted for eight hours and I didn't even feel that time go by. Like I had support system. I looked up like the last bell ring and I was like, Oh my gosh, it's time to go home. I miss all my classes and she goes, it's okay excuse you from all your classes. You're good. And so like I had this support, but I still never had you know, like the movie version of what it looks like to have that gang of girls and guys all have each other's back. But again, I only blame myself like, in hindsight, I could have had that I was just so stuck in my own story that I was too different and too weird to be open enough to really form those really tight bonds.

Kathleen Shannon 10:19
All right, so we're back in real time here on being boss. And I just want to close out this Sneak Peek by telling you that if you don't quite feel like you belong, you totally do. Like we are so lucky to be human beings in the world. And you're a part of that. And that's huge. So I hope that you know that here at being boss, we've got your back and I know I don't usually get kind of touchy feely like this, but I really do love you guys, and I hope you're feeling it. It was such a treat to be a guest on the sparkle hour podcast. Listen to the full episode and get more info show notes and transcripts from the episode at the sparkle hour.com. And they've also got a small Facebook group that welcomes you to sparkle your shit out with them at facebook.com slash the sparkle hour Michelle and Nicole are absolutely people that you need to know they will be lights in your life, so be sure to check them out.

Kathleen Shannon 11:23
This minisode was brought to you by Twenty20 check them out at twenty20.com/beingboss. That's t w e n t y 20 as in the number.com slash being boss.

Emily Thompson 11:37
Did you like this minisode Be sure to check us out on our website at beingboss.club. There you can find more from being boss including our full episodes minisodes and blog posts. And while you're there, be sure to sign up for our mailing list so that you can get access to behind the scenes and exclusive content from Kathleen and myself to help you be more boss in your work and life. Do the work be boss