Episode 142 // Tap into Your Pleasure with Arielle Loren

September 19, 2017

Sexual energy is the foundation of creative energy—that’s what business strategist, Arielle Loren, strongly believes. So in this episode, we’re talking all about how to tap into your pleasure and sensual energy (especially as a woman), and how it can help you grow confidence in your business.

This Episode Brought to You By:
"Sexual energy is the foundation of creative energy."
- Arielle Loren

Discussed in this Episode

  • Arielle's creative background
  • How traditional business tactics have failed women
  • What happens when you can "master" your sexual energy
  • Using yoni eggs to experiment with sexual energy
  • Leaving room for pleasure in the workplace
  • Why do we feel shame or fear around expressing our sexual or feminine energy?
  • Experiments you can try to own your sensuality

Resources

More from Arielle Loren

More from Kathleen

Braid Creative

More from Emily

Almanac Supply Co.

Transcript

Kathleen Shannon 0:01
Hello and welcome to being boss,

Emily Thompson 0:03
a podcast for creative entrepreneurs. I'm Emily Thompson.

Kathleen Shannon 0:07
And I'm Kathleen Shannon.

Arielle Loren 0:08
I am Arielle Lauren and I'm being bossy.

Emily Thompson 0:16
Today we're talking about how to tap into your pleasure and central energy and how it can help you grow confidence in your business with Arielle Lauren. As always, you can find all the tools, books and links we referenced on the show notes at WWW dot bien boss club.

Kathleen Shannon 0:33
All right, can we talk about customer service for a second? One of my biggest pet peeves of all time is calling a company only to talk to a robot that doesn't understand what I'm saying. Or being put on hold with elevator music for 10 minutes before I connect with a real human being. And who am I kidding, sometimes that 10 minutes is more like an hour. Fresh books. Cloud accounting has an award winning support team. So not only are you going to be able to invoice your clients and get paid faster, you're going to have a real human being who answers the phone when you call and they never treat you poorly no matter how dumb your question is. Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything. Okay, I'm totally speaking from experience. I've called fresh books with really dumb questions and they've answered like pros. Today over 10 million people use and trust fresh books cloud accounting, including a lot of you boss listeners, try fresh books cloud accounting for free by going to fresh books.com slash being boss and enter being boss in the How did you hear about us section. Arielle, Lauren

Emily Thompson 1:38
is a top business strategist trained at Harvard University and CEO of the Arielle Lauren agency, where she and her team manage dozens of companies and builds out high ROI marketing campaigns. with brands under her belt such as Fast Company, Huffington Post, South by Southwest and NPR. Arielle is also founder of the driven workshops and interactive experiment for women to observe how cultivating their sexual energy impacts their careers and business lives.

Kathleen Shannon 2:12
Arielle, thanks for joining us.

Arielle Loren 2:14
Thank you so much for having me. I'm really, really excited.

Kathleen Shannon 2:17
I saw your email come across our inbox, and I thought we had to talk to you because it looks like you are taking a different approach to business. So I really want to start off the conversation just by sharing with our audience who you are, and what you do.

Arielle Loren 2:33
So tell us tell us all about it. Okay, well, actually, we're really interesting background, I'd probably say, um, so I guess it kind of started, you know, I graduated from NYU for college. And I got into the real world and started adulting. And I was like, Oh my gosh, like, this is what regular people do. They sit in offices, and they work for four years. And, um, and even if they're not 100%, happy, like, they just tried to make it work. And it just did not sit well with my spirit. And so from that point, I really started kind of my, my own journey that was our kind of in motion from college, to start figuring out, like, okay, what's actually going to make me happy, and what's gonna make me feel free and alive. And so I quit my job in New York, I was working in marketing, I've always worked in marketing pretty much other than kind of a brief stint in journalism, which I'll get to in a second. And I left and I moved to Brazil, without speaking, any Portuguese never had been, like, just had it in my heart. And I was like, there's something about this place that has something for me. And so I'm just gonna go and figure out exactly what it was. Everyone thought I was crazy, like, and even when I quit my job, I had no idea how I was going to get to Brazil. I just started telling people and then like, literally, that whole, like, law of attraction started to like, come into play, because I was telling people I was moving to Brazil, people were congratulating me, and they were like, Oh, my gosh, and I'm still like, I don't have a plane ticket. I have no idea how I'm gonna afford this. But everything totally like fell into place. And so in the process, I had also begun writing about sexuality probably for maybe six months prior. And I was one of the few kind of women online were writing about sex without using a alias basically. And so I was very active on social This is kind of, you know, back before it was like, super popular to kind of be like, you know, on social Twitter was still very early, Facebook was still very early. And so I was really just kind of on there, baring my soul talking about my experience, you know, you know, basically coming into my own power as a woman. And so I continued that writing in when I got to Brazil, and then after that, I started a magazine called corset. And the magazine was completely committed to empowering women sexually Beautiful, beautiful project. It's still up, you know, of course it magazine calm, but it completely inspired me because I was connecting with so many women who were just ready to have a safe space to tell their own sexual empowerment stories. And so fast forward, basically, I ended up coming back to the US eventually, and getting back into marketing. I started my own marketing agency, I live in Miami now. And I finally reached the point where I was like, I'm ready to bridge these two worlds, like, I'm tired of having this kind of one side that knows all about, you know, who I am and what I believe in terms of, you know, sexually liberated women. And then this other side, that's kind of more buttoned up, right, where I am not necessarily hiding it. But you know, it's like, oh, she's like this Harvard trained business strategist. And you know, she's a super badass in terms of business. But it's like, then when like, they get in like a room with me, I'm like, Listen, this is what it actually takes, like in terms of your own personal development to get you to the level that you want to be at in your business. And it's not all about traditional business tactics. So that's kind of my creative journey and a kind of long winded way. But yeah, that's how this all got started.

Kathleen Shannon 6:14
You know, there is so much that we can dig into there. So I really want to start with what have the traditional tactics been, whenever it comes to business development, and especially for women? How have those traditional tactics failed us? Yeah. So

Arielle Loren 6:31
it's very, I think, straight line, right? So they tell you, okay, if you're going to succeed in business, you know, especially like in the online world, which is a lot of what my agency specializes in, it's like, Alright, you have to have a website, and it has to be set up like this often has to be there, your funnel needs to look like this, your social presence needs to be like this, you know, and all of these things kind of come into play in terms of how you know, we as women should be like setting up our businesses and running our businesses. And there's a lot of truth, you know, in, you know, those those theories and those strategies, they've been tested, you know, they've worked for some women, they've not worked for others. But I think the difference is, is that you can have all of the tools and information in front of you. But if you haven't developed the confidence and the intuition, and the personal power to know like when to use those tools, because it's not a science, you're not going to probably see the growth that you're looking to see. And what I found was, since sexuality is such a topic that's still so taboo kind of, and it's a bit uncomfortable for a lot of women, if I can get them to dig into the most kind of uncomfortable part of themselves and master that, then all of a sudden, they just completely blow up and bloom as CEOs and entrepreneurs. And so that's what really lights me up. And that's what I recommend.

Emily Thompson 7:48
I have totally seen this even amongst our clubhouse members are the people that Kathleen and I work with specifically, I remember being at our Chattanooga retreat for the clubhouse. And all of these, like amazing entrepreneur, women sitting around a table. And we were all talking about how we identify ourselves. And no one was saying business owner, or CEO, they're all like, you know, I'm a coach, or I'm a maker, or I am a hand letter, or Illustrator, or whatever it was. But everyone was having such a hard time claiming and like feeling confident in saying I'm a business owner, or I'm a CEO, or whatever that is. And it's something that I see over and over and makes me really sad and makes me really want to fix it. Because it is all based on confidence on having the confidence to say, I am so good at what I do in terms of my skill. But I've also developed an entrepreneurial skill set or business owning skill set that supports it. And I think I think there's so much power there. And that people claiming that confidence, cultivating it and then claiming it and putting themselves in that powerful position.

Arielle Loren 9:00
Yeah, I'm really a big proponent of women owning like the title CEO, because at the end of the day, if it's your company, that's what you are, you know, and I think that confidence comes from again, like really understanding who you are like and how much power you just have like as a woman. And particularly like when we're talking about sexuality. I mean, we're talking about sexual energy, right? So sexual energy is the foundation of creative energy. And so all things are birthed from sexual energy, regardless of whether we're making another human being, or if we're just, you know, birthing something into existence. And for me, it's like if you can start to master your sexual energy, and it's not just something that I you have to have sex to actually do. But just getting like, more familiar with some of the more pleasurable and intimate parts of yourselves. That's what I think is gonna get you to the point where if you master that, like you're definitely gonna be able to walk into the room and feel a lot better I think about who you are the power that you have, and like owning that CEO title for sure.

Kathleen Shannon 10:09
I want to get into that. And some of that, like what it takes to really master your own energy and sexual energy and how that ties into business. But I wanted to share really quick that whenever I was pregnant with my son, which was, what, four years ago, he's three and a half now. I felt like everything around me was so abundant and everything was growing, and specifically my business. And I was shocked because I have been taught for so long, you know, just through society, or example, or whatever, that once you're a pregnant woman, you are out of commission, like you are done, you are now a mom. And that's pretty much going to be it. And I didn't even know if I was going to continue working. But the universe had something else in store for me. And the fact that I was able to build my business more than ever while I was pregnant. And I really did for the first time ever feel that tie to creativity on a grander scale. You guys, I didn't get pregnant by myself, like there is some getting it on that happened to make that happen. Right. So I do think that, you know, that was the most obvious tie that I had to it. But I'm curious to hear where you've seen women who have mastered that energy be able to bring it to their businesses or like, you know, do you have any case studies? Like what has happened for women that you've worked with?

Arielle Loren 11:38
Yeah, so I think I'll put it this way. I like to think of the kind of mastering as an experiment, right. And so it was really interesting, because I was as I was putting together the framework for what is now known as the driven workshops, which is the the speaking engagements in the workshops that I do around the country. I started to think about, okay, you know, I personally use a lot of these strategies, but I don't want to put this like stamp of guarantee that this is going to work for every single woman. And so for me, it felt so much better to be like, Hey, this is work for me. Try it and see, see how it feels observe it like it's an experiment. And I think it takes a lot of the pressure off because I when I look at a lot of the conversations more in the sexuality world, I do think it's more like self help, how to, you know, etc, etc. And that's cool. But I think it can be very intimidating for a lot of women who are like, okay, so like, I'm supposed to go to this, like Tantra retreat, and I'm supposed to, you know, swing from this bar, and like, you know, Master my sexual energy. And it's like, okay, that's a lot.

Emily Thompson 12:44
Step by step for, like, harnessing your sexual energy does not sound enticing to me in the least.

Arielle Loren 12:51
Yeah. You know, and even for me, as someone who was like, in that world running a magazine, I was like, Okay, this is interesting. But the most interesting thing for me is when all of the stories like the personal stories come together, and women get in a room, especially in person, and we just kind of share what has worked for us, and we're given the space to have conversation. So in terms of case studies, though, to answer your question, I would say that the best case studies actually come from just the women who are who are closest to me. And so, oftentimes, I'll get in a room with, like, some of my best girlfriends, right. And we'll talk about how our businesses are doing. And we'll also talk about how our sex lives are going, right. And it's always interesting when we're having like, really great sex, or we're really tapped into our pleasure. All of a sudden, like, our our businesses, our money, like everything is just like, heightened. And when we're going through a dry spell, and we're not taking care of that pleasure, and we're not kidding, catering to ourselves, all this hoopla. Oh, what's going on? Like, my business is kind of flatlining. And so I think, you know, it can happen in many you know, different ways, like actually sex with a partner is one example. But I remember when I was in Brazil, I was you know, experimenting with a variety of different ways to play with my sexual energy. Sometimes it was literally just going to the beach and a damn near nothing, you know, became a letting the sun like hit my skin and have this really central experience in the ocean. Other times it'd be I'm wearing a Yoni egg, you know, and I'm working with my rose quartz or my obsidian. And just watching how it like, affects everybody around me. And I have a funny story about that, that I can tell later, but it's, it's things like that, that I ain't no telling now. Didn't happen. Okay, so I was in this like, really little town in Brazil, right? And I was staying at this really, really small bed and breakfast. And the innkeeper was a bit of an asshole if I'm being completely honest. And he just wasn't a nice guy. And so, I was like, Okay, I'm gonna be here for a few days. Like, I don't know what's up with this dude, but I don't Like his attitude and it'd be nice if you could just be nicer because he's just like really irritable. Right? And so I started working with my obsidian eggs, I put my city and egg and it's known for blocking negative energy.

Kathleen Shannon 15:12
Okay, explain to our listeners what a Yoni egg is and what obsidian does, yeah. Okay, so

Arielle Loren 15:19
a Yoni egg is a crystal egg that you can use, basically, for a couple of reasons. In ancient cultures, it's been used to strengthen your vaginal walls. And so it can help with, you know, preparing yourself, if you do want to go down the route of childbirth, it can be helpful just in terms of tightening your vagina for sex. And it's just good for like health as well, like, so you don't deal with like prolapse and things like that. And so the other way it's used is to work with different crystal properties and to bring that specific crystals energy into your womb space, which allows you to manifest it, you know, kind of into the real world, right? And so I was working with an obsidian egg, and obsidian. Black obsidian in particular is known for warding off like negative energy, right? So this guy's being really mean to me, like really mean to me before I put the egg in, I put the egg in, I go to sleep, I wake up, and I go to breakfast. And it was like complete 180 I thought I was talking to a brand new person or like his twin. He's so nice. He's cooking me breakfast for free. He's like, tell me more about yourself. Like, where are you from, like, etc, etc. And then he tells me his whole life story and how he ended up being an innkeeper, etc. We became my best friends like in the week the follow up. And I just was like, You know what, again, as an experiment, it worked. It worked. And so Yoni eggs for me like are always just a fun way that I also talked to I give to women to kind of try out I usually get my Yoni eggs from Yoni eggs calm with Tiffany Janae. But it's, yeah, great, great, great, great way to experiment. If you have someone at the office, like who has just been a complete buffets or you know, maybe you want to see how your partner reacts, like etc. So there's a lot of information about Yoni eggs, especially on the site that I just gave, but yeah, really, really fun. Great way to experiment and to work that energy. I want a

Unknown Speaker 17:20
Yoni egg.

Kathleen Shannon 17:23
Boss vacation no one's gonna

Unknown Speaker 17:24
know is

Emily Thompson 17:26
remembering a great aunt right now who had one like sitting out as like a decorative piece? And

Kathleen Shannon 17:34
we are you sure it wasn't like one of those? What are the Faberge egg?

Emily Thompson 17:37
It was not it was rose quartz. I have very like vivid memory of this and my childhood. My childhood just changed maybe drastically.

Unknown Speaker 17:52
It's fine.

Kathleen Shannon 17:53
You know? Okay. So I wouldn't I want to talk about a few more experiments. But I want to talk a little bit about pleasure, because you're even talking about the sun hitting your skin. And I think that there's this aspect of sensuality, that really deals with your senses, right? So things that you're tasting, and smelling and touching. And I feel like there is such a disconnect between pleasure and business, like we are taught so hard, and even in some of the language that Emily and I use that you got to grind it out, you got to hustle, and we love a grind. And we love a hustle. And that can feel very pleasurable. But there is kind of this disconnect there right on a grander scheme that you've got to pay your dues, and then it's got to be hard. So is there more plays for pleasure in the workplace? And how do we really make that happen, aside from maybe wearing a Yoni egg to a podcast recording,

Arielle Loren 18:50
so I personally feel like, you have to grind in the right direction, what right like and so to grind in the right direction, you have to be tapped into your intuition. And pleasure is a link to intuition. And like, that's how you know when it feels good when your senses are alive. That's how you know you're on the right track. And so for me, when it comes to sensuality, I don't know if the American workplace has created a space for that type of expression to be in the office in a really safe way. So I think that, you know, different models will allow for different things. I think, if I were thinking about like, how could we rework that? I think just like you have a therapist, you know, in the office, I personally feel like you know, conversations about sex, you know, on a more one to one thing in terms of like, how is your overall well being if you want to have that conversation, you know, there should be a space for you to be able to do that or just personally in your own life. Just take the precautions to have that that person, you know, whether it's on a professional basis or a coach or you know, whatever, to be able to make sure that you're tapping into that energy and so sensuality actually really is the first step, I think to having more pleasure in your life and like really great sex. Because if you can, like wake up your senses to even just the slightest touch, everything is going to be heightened when you have that type of like really powerful energetic exchange between you want another human being. So it's important and I definitely think that obviously it plays a huge role in in our careers in our work.

Emily Thompson 20:28
I see such a parallel there between even the book Kathleen and I have just written, it will be coming out nine months from now, or so local Bertha in nine months. Sweet, I love that. There's such a parallel between everything that we are always talking and being boss in terms of being so mindful about what it is that you're creating. So you can make sure you're grinding in the right direction, basically. And I definitely see this point of getting in touch with your sensuality a place where you're probably trying to be the most mindful of all, in order to help you carry that throughout all the other hustling grinding that you're doing. For sure, I definitely see see that as a great beginning point for people who are struggling with tapping into what it is they really want to feel all day long, in terms of what it is that they're working for, and how it is that they're grinding it all out, I definitely see it coming from that point of the place or the time in your life when you are trying to be the most connected to yourself and vulnerable and mindful, being the place that helps you carry that through.

Arielle Loren 21:44
Absolutely. And frankly, like when your senses are alive, you're living a very pleasurable, orgasmic life, your anger goes down. And so you know, even just from a People to People aspect of like having a group of people working on a project, it's like we want everyone to be at their happiest, most alive tapped in intuitive, intuitive selves. And so for me when I think about like interpersonal like dynamics, right? Have you ever noticed that when you're angry at someone, your immediate like, Don't touch me, like, just don't touch me. But like if you actually forced yourself to sit down, and after you got over your your your anger, of course, right. And like, even if you just held that person's hands and had a face to face conversation, they teach this in Tantra, your anger level automatically drops because that that connection, that skin to skin connection, it connects your senses. And so it starts to open up a clearer path for communication. And so I think just looking at examples like that, I'm not saying everyone goes into the office and like, Let's hold hands, but it's like,

Emily Thompson 22:50
I'm holding your hand the next time I see you.

Arielle Loren 22:54
It's interesting, though, how, you know, again, like sensual touch just in general like really helps us when it comes to, you know, the way that we communicate with people. And so again, if you kind of create opportunities for yourself, especially in your more personal spaces outside of the workplace, to be more tapped into that energy and then just carry the actual energy, maybe not necessarily the practice into the workplace. I think you're gonna see a difference in the way that people react to you. And then the types of things that you manifest, you know, in your career and in your job.

Kathleen Shannon 23:28
You know, it's interesting that you say this, I think that having a toddler has really, it's touchy. Do you have any kids? Are you

Arielle Loren 23:35
I don't I don't that's okay.

Kathleen Shannon 23:38
It's just like one of those things. So I mean, Emily, I don't know how much of a cuddler your kid is, but my baby is a cuddler. Like we are just constantly all up on each other. And I found that one of the things that is really helpful whenever he gets really upset like we're talking tantrums, and the threes is if we'll touch tummies, so like he could be in the middle of a total fit. And I'm like, let's touch tummies. And it's kind of goes back from those days, like the moment he was born, where they put a baby on your naked body for an hour to help regulate temperature and to regulate breath. And I think that the same thing still applies. There's going to be an age in which I can no longer say let's touch tummies to calm him down. But it really bringing that vibe to you know, maybe even some of the conflicts that I have with my husband. And then how do I bring that energy to conflicts at the workplace and

Emily Thompson 24:34
not saying that you Have any of you ever tell me Let's touch Tommy's autumn and amend our our partnership.

Kathleen Shannon 24:44
Think about this. Think about this though your tummy is this sign of like submission, right? Like whenever I cat is really comfortable with you. They're showing you their belly, so I really I never put this together until now. So it really is that vibe. I'm not literally going to lift up my shirt and show you my belly. But how can I be vulnerable in this way? That is like exposing of the underside where you could just stab me and kill me making it available to be I don't know, productive or vulnerable or to, you know, de escalate situations? I don't know you're giving me a lot to think about Arielle.

Arielle Loren 25:23
Yeah, again, it's all a big experiment. I think, you know, cuz it's like, not everything's gonna work for every woman. But honestly, like that tip about Tommy touching. I'm like, when I do have kids, I'm saving that one because that sounds awesome. So good.

Kathleen Shannon 25:40
And maybe he's just thrown off. He's like, you want to do what? Okay,

Unknown Speaker 25:44
forget about it. Forget about

Kathleen Shannon 25:47
it. But you know, it's funny, because even on this podcast, we've talked a lot about we're constantly getting questions about what do you do whenever you're stressed out? How do you de stress, and I'll make jokes about getting off, like, give yourself an orgasm. And I even had a listener send me stuff in the mail. I mean, like, it's just kind of funny, and I'm not trying to be provocative, and I'm not trying to be I know, shocking, but everybody's happier whenever they're having orgasms right

Arielle Loren 26:18
now. Really, it's just it's true, right? And you almost like you're in pause to say, because you don't want to sound like sexist or like, you know, whatever. Like, oh, like, you know, the big thing is like, uh, well, after women woman is like, you know, like, just so much better to be around, right? And it's like, oftentimes, when I see those articles, like, yeah, okay, I do slightly roll my eyes, but at the same time, like, Oh, my God, but it's so true, right? Because I personally feel like when a woman's not tapped into her Central, you know, energy, she's not receiving pleasure on the regular, I feel it. I do, you know, and it doesn't mean that she has to be having sex again. But it's like, if she's completely closed off from that energy, and she's not cultivating that in her life. She walks just differently, it's a different energy that she has to herself. And so it doesn't mean that you have to be this like, you know, crazy tantric, like electric woman, but it is just being intentional thinking more about like, okay, like, how can I bring more pleasure into my life, I was reading a blog post, specifically, I think it was by mama Gina actually. And she was saying, instead of taking a shower every morning, take a bath. And she's like, for most people, you think about take so long, etc. But when people actually try it, and I think it was actually was it, it might have been Kate Northrup, who did a blog post as well, who tried it. And she was like, actually, it only took me like, 10 more minutes. And it's like, oh, but like the difference it makes to just start the day and so or in the evening, so, you know, give yourself those extra 10 minutes. Like, for me, I think that's a lot more appealing for a lot of women than like, you know, potentially meditating or something else that might not be so direct in terms of the senses. Yeah, I

Kathleen Shannon 28:05
think that's exactly right. You know, meditation has gotten a really, it's become a part of our mainstream culture. And we can easily talk about meditation without shame and without embarrassment. And people are saying you need to meditate like you brush your teeth. And maybe we need to be getting off like we brush our teeth. Right? I

Arielle Loren 28:25
think so. I think you need to orgasm. Yeah.

Kathleen Shannon 28:28
The thing is that I think that it's kind of because it's not something that is the most comfortable thing to talk about. Even on a podcast right now. I'm like, Oh my gosh, what our dear listeners going to think.

Emily Thompson 28:41
I hope so many of you are sitting there squirming in your seats right now, just a little bit, but excited and want to go, like, be a better self fulfilled, perhaps woman and business owner do it.

Kathleen Shannon 28:55
And I mean, I have to admit as like, you know, as much as I do joke, and I'm being serious about like, if you're stressed, just get it on with yourself. You don't even have to have a partner, get it on with yourself, and I joke about it. But I am a little, you know, shy about I'm not a sex columnist. Let's just put it that way. Right? No, but

Emily Thompson 29:14
I will also say like, it doesn't even have to be sex. Like the thing that I tap into the most whenever I'm wanting to feel like a badass empowered woman is putting on my red lipstick, strapping on my hills and walking out the house and really trying hard not to fall for sure. But there is something there is something so invigorating and freeing about just, I don't know, just doing it for the pleasure of doing whatever it may be. And for me, it's usually a nice pair of heels and some red lipstick, blowing out my hair. Or, or like also planning the shit out of something which if you really want to get super mundane like tapping into the thing that you know that you are great at and feeling the power and pleasure of doing that thing. And not feeling ashamed about I mean, so often I'll hear really awesome creative people making excuses for their art, or whatever it may be, because they're choosing to feel a little bit of shame about doing something they see as frivolous, then finding the power and being creative. And I think there's such a shame in that, when you are choosing the negative of the two options that you have.

Kathleen Shannon 30:29
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Emily Thompson 31:12
I want to talk a little bit about about how this mindset is so frowned upon. I think in so many cultures still, obviously, like I'm all down for it. And I know I hoping all of our awesome open minded listeners are still listening and getting excited about all of these things. But but it's still pretty frowned upon for people to walk up in their office with their hills and their red lipstick on in some places. And in some cases, what sort of experiences have you had with butting up against the societal norm of women being sexy and smart?

Arielle Loren 31:53
You know what, um, it's, it's definitely, I think, something that all women deal with, especially when they're not working for themselves, you know, when you are actually going into an office, right? And so you're trying to be mindful in terms of the way that you're presenting yourself and the energy that you're putting out, because you don't want to attract, you know, unwanted, you know, advances, right? So you're taking that onus onto yourself, you know, instead of allowing that person to be responsible for their shit. And so, for me, I think, you know, it's, it's something that the woman has to, I think, ease into and decide where she's comfortable. I know, personally, you know, it might not even be like, you know, I'm not a huge person's like, oh, like, I'm gonna rock this like miniskirt and like, roll up an office like what, you know, like, I'm not gonna do that, you know, but what I will say is, you know, I used to have this like, huge Afro now I have like, really, like, you know, tamed like, short hair, because I don't like doing hair. But I used to have this huge Afro, right when I graduate from college, and my father would be like, Oh, my gosh, like, you're not about to go interview for that job with your full Afro out. And I'm like, Yes, the fuck I am, I'm totally going to go do that. And my feeling was, well, either, they're gonna hire me, because I'm, I have, you know, I'm me. And I'm amazing, you know, I'm great at what I do. And I also just really want to be able to express myself, or they're not. And if they're not, you know, whatever. And the same thing I used to, you know, I had my, a lot of the positions that I held as a journalist, where I often was writing about sex, or before I actually created my own marketing agency A few years ago, you know, when I'd apply to jobs, I'd have my sex magazine on my resume. And again, my father would say to me, you need to take that off your resume, I know that you accomplished like, some really great things and running your magazine. And it was a, you know, a solid business, but he's like, you're gonna freak people out. And I'm like, No, like, either, they're going to dig it, you know, and they're gonna understand who I am and the way that I've been able to build my career as a marketer, and that I can play in different industries and different spaces, or they're gonna be freaked out and tell me to go and the funny thing is, every time I had an interview, the one thing they wanted to talk about was like the magazine. They were like, wait, so we saw your magazine, we love your magazine. Tell us more about this magazine. And they were like, so excited, right? And like, my magazine is not for the faint of heart, right? So it's like, if even if you go to the website, you're going to see like, beautiful, you know, nude fit, like pictures you're gonna see, you know, for our vagina and vulva is issue like an actual vagina on the cover. So it's not something that's very, like, understated, and a lot of people even would push back on that they're like, well, wow, are you like you really had to put like a vagina on the cover? And I'm like, Yeah, like because it's so vulva and vagina issue. Like, I'm not gonna sit here and make it something, you know, that's more muted to make people caught like, oh, like, I don't know. So anyway, I just find that it's best to take At the, I guess the stages that you feel comfortable with, you know, I'm more of the person who's like, you know, effortless jump in the deep end, you know, if you're the person who's like, I kind of just want to crawl a little bit, maybe I just put the red lipstick on. Or maybe I just wear this flowy dress that makes me feel more like a queen today, take it at the step that that you want to take that and just give yourself permission to express.

Emily Thompson 35:21
I love your mindset around putting the thing on your resume or showing up with your glorious Afro and being who you are. And this just goes to goes to color and more deeply. How Kathleen and I are always talking about just be who you are and show up as you are. Because that will attract the people to you who are for you and repel the ones who are not because you were saying like, either they'll get it and they'll want me or they won't. In which case if they don't, then these are not the kinds of people that you want to be hanging out with 40 hours a week by any means. Exactly.

Kathleen Shannon 35:57
And I think that this, you know, goes into what I was thinking about where if they don't, it's because they're scared? And what are people so afraid of? whenever it comes to women owning their power?

Arielle Loren 36:08
Yeah, and Amen. And letting people deal with their fear. Like, their fear is not my responsibility to regulate, you know, and so, even in my business, honestly, you know, oftentimes, you know, I'm putting together campaigns for clients, and they're like, you know, and I'm working through coffee, and you know, we're scheduling things. And they're like, oh, like, I don't know, are y'all that email kind of pushes the edge. And I'm like, you know, like, this is your this is how you talk in real life, like, this is your voice. This is what you believe, you know, so why would we dumb this down? Like, do you really want that that customer who is you know, X, Y, and Z like, you don't at the end of the day, so don't be afraid to express yourself in whatever that actually looks like, you know, and I think it's valid for entrepreneurs, as well as people who are, you know, just working nine to five.

Kathleen Shannon 36:58
And I think that can be a huge differentiating factor is that people hire people. So the more human you can be in your business, and how you show up and how you send an email sometimes, you know, on a kind of different level, I will even, okay, so for example, Emily and I were going through all of our book edits the other day, and it was like the copy edited version with all this markup in it. And it's very, kind of cut and dry and kind of serious. And there were some things that we would say we're leaving this, because we're bosses pitches, you know, are like my Yeah, and to say that in the comment back to the copy editor like to say like, this is the vibe we're getting across and really treating the copy editor like a human to like, she might think that this comment back at her is funny. So I wasn't trying to make it so transactional, I was trying to bring some humaneness back to it. And I think that's something that we could all benefit from a little bit more from how we write our emails to how we show up how we dress to work, like the fact that there's even in an HR Handbook, something that might say how you have to wear your hair, or how you have to wear your clothes, blows my mind. And so Emily and I, whenever we're working with creative entrepreneurs, one of the things we do is have them write their own Handbook, like if you had to write your own employee handbook, what is in it, what is the dress code and maybe your dress code is show up like a boss, whatever that means for you. And if on one day, it's black lipstick, so be it if on the next day, it's fishnets, so be it, whatever it is for you. That's how you should show up.

Arielle Loren 38:34
I love it. Absolutely love it. Totally cosign. Okay, so um,

Kathleen Shannon 38:41
I want to come back to the experiments are there a few more that you could share with us that our listeners could start trying to own their sensuality and to own their confidence or to even boost their confidence in work and life?

Arielle Loren 38:58
So I'll actually give you a more I guess you could say quote unquote, like tame one, right. So we had we had the fun Yoni eggs, right. So everyone, you know, go go try and get your Yoni eggs. Maybe practice at home before you venture out?

Kathleen Shannon 39:15
Yeah, because like, Am I gonna be walking down the sidewalk and then a crystal is gonna come falling, right.

Emily Thompson 39:20
It's like, it's the perpetual Cagle. Like you're just holding it.

Arielle Loren 39:24
I'm not gonna sit here and act like it's never happened to me before. Because, yes, it totally has happened to me before. And it totally popped out. And I was like, oh, but it was great. I totally just played it off like I thought.

Emily Thompson 39:39
So I have I've had this moment a couple of times, like just keeping crystals in my bra for other woowoo reasons. Like going into a dressing room and like taking my food taking my bra and crystals hitting the floor. Totally have had that happen on a couple of occasions. The Yoni egg is a whole other thing.

Arielle Loren 39:58
Yeah. Pretty funny stories out there about you know Yoni eggs that have popped out you know and but the more you work with the egg like even if you just say this weekend I'm going to work with the egg I'm primarily going to be home you know, whatever like, the easier it will be for you to like, it just won't come out like now like this probably like TMI for too many people like I can use the bathroom won't come out like it's, I've gotten to that point that is some

Emily Thompson 40:22
mad multi, like, what is it a multitask. They're

Arielle Loren 40:29
like, take practice, but I do believe that anyone can get there. So, okay, so there's a crazy kind of fun side and then there is just specifically working with that energy, right. And so I am a Kundalini yoga instructor, I love Kundalini Yoga, it completely will light your root chakra and your second chakra, which is basically like your, you know, bottom, like another area, like on fire, like you want to talk about being able to walk with like that, that there's just this energy that you're going to have when you walk into a room like definitely practicing Kundalini Yoga. And so, um, this probably crosses more into what people would imagine as meditation, but it's all the same, you know, really energy work, right? And so I'm Kundalini Yogi's, we have this practice called sadhana, basically, you wake up, and from 4am, to more or less 6:30am, you pray, and you meditate, and you do yoga, right for two and a half hours. And the idea being that if you start your day, and you dedicate 10% of your day, to working with that energy, you're going to live, you know, a better life. And so, this practice is called sadhana. And you can do it, you know, just once. You can do it for 40 days, you can do it for 90 days, you can do it for 120 days, and then you can do it for like 1000 days, right. And so I actually started my year this year doing it for 90 days. So it's and the days are consecutive. So, I mean, like I said, you could do it for one day if you want to, but it's like, it's not long to do 90 days, I'm gonna do it when I feel like it's like, No, you do it consecutively to build energy. So I did it for 90 days for nine days, I woke up basically at like, 330 in the morning, I went into my Kundalini Yoga community here in Miami, shout out to Kundalini Yoga, Miami, and I literally did this practice for two and a half hours for 90 days for the first three months of the year. And do you want to talk about being on fire like it was, it allowed me to tap into my, like sexual energy in a way that I had never tapped into it before it was from a much more grounded place? So it was, it was less about like, Okay, let me go like, you know, grab my vibrator and like, get off like to, you know, which is cool, like, you know, everyone has their, their their thing, you know, but for me, it actually kind of combed my my sex drive in a really powerful way. And it gave me the like, a deeper energy, like, in that womb space. And it allowed me really to be able to manifest things that, you know, were amazing, you know, both in my business, just in life, you know, relationship wise, like everything. And so I always recommend it as something for people to try if you have a Kundalini Yoga center near you, like even if you just go in for a class, you're like, Okay, Arielle, like 4am is like really intense, but just doing I think commelina yoga in general. And it's something that I also teach in my driven workshops. Like, it's, it's totally a great way to start activating that energy for sure.

Kathleen Shannon 43:35
Have you ever done any Kundalini Emily, I've never done it. Now. I have some friends that have done it and have gone for there. I wonder if it was the 120 days or the 1000 days. I remember it seeming like a really long time to be doing the sauna. I didn't

Arielle Loren 43:50
make it for 120 days, like it was so my all my Kundalini friends cuz I you know, I fell into it, honestly. Um, and they were like, so late, you know, do you want to you know, we do this practice, and you want to do this practice? And I'm like, wait, why? Like, like, I was like, okay, you know, in my mind, I'm like, Oh, it's just another like, 90 Day Challenge. Like, why

Emily Thompson 44:11
not? 4am is not just another 90 Day Challenge.

Arielle Loren 44:14
Oh, man, you know, but the great thing is that the expectation, you know, when you go to sadhana, at least in Miami, I can't speak for every single Kundalini center, but the expectation when you're doing your 90 days, your 120 days is not that you come and you sit up every day, the expectation is that you show up and that even if you sleep the entire time, because I had days like that where I literally would get up, roll my mat laid out and sleep for the two and a half hours but the energy of everyone doing the yoga, chanting, you know, the music, etc. The sleep that you get is so elevated, that you're still getting the energy regardless of whether you're actively pursuing it or if you're more in asleep kind of subconscious state. So They'll recommend for people to go.

Emily Thompson 45:02
Fascinating. I'm gonna google it later.

Kathleen Shannon 45:06
I have done some yoga nidra Did you ever do any of that? Okay, so it's like a relaxation technique, we'll be sure to link to that in the show notes as well. We're gonna link to all these things in the show notes. But it's really just isolating one small body point at a time and then relaxing. And it's kind of like, you can do a 20 minute guided meditation or a 40 minute guided meditation, but it's like what you're talking about where it's even if you fall asleep, you wake up feeling different, like it is a just a deep relaxation. And is there anything else that our listeners can really try to get in touch with their power? Or is there anything else that you want to share about just owning your sexuality and owning your power and cultivating that confidence in your business,

Arielle Loren 45:54
I honestly just feel like, you know, taking the small steps to learn to trust yourself, is really just how you tap into pleasure. She's just doing one thing, you know, every single day that brings you more pleasure, you know, for me, you know, one of the things that my friends always judged me about, as I'm not really big into cooking, like, what brings me pleasure is having my food prepared for me and brought to me and so I am a restaurant and a takeout queen. Without a policy, I don't care how much it costs me per month, it's just something that I work extra for, so that I can have that experience, it brings me pleasure, you know, and so give yourself permission, whatever it is, even if it's that small thing of you know what I'm going to go and eat at the restaurant today, you know, or I'm going to get these really amazing sheets, you know, on my bed or like a a foam, you know, mattress topper, so that when I sleep like I sleep, well, you know, or I'm going to you know, buy myself a new dress, you know, that just gives me You know, this feeling of Goddess or opulence or you know, whatever it is that rocks your boat, like go do that. So I think it's just those small kind of incremental steps, like just one thing every day that you can do to bring yourself more pleasure. I think that's kind of the mindset that I like to give the women that I work with, regardless of whether they're like a client and my marketing agency, you know, or whether they're attending one of my workshops like that, for me is the key. So yeah, one day at a time,

Kathleen Shannon 47:25
I love that. And you know the thing with even getting takeout or eating in a restaurant, that could be something that you're doing kind of mindlessly and not even thinking about or noticing like, wow, this is really nice having someone bring me my food, and wow, this squeeze of lime tastes so amazing on this pad thai. And it could be something that you just mindlessly go through. And so from what I'm hearing from you is even just bringing awareness and attention and just noticing what's already bringing you pleasure and putting your attention on that will probably really help you bring attention to all the pleasure that you're getting out of your business and all the different aspects of your life.

Arielle Loren 48:07
Absolutely. And giving yourself permission to actually do it. You know, and speaking, especially at the restaurant example, I'll never forget I was in a relationship. And my ex for the life of me could not understand why I would rather go out to dinner by myself, then go to his Christmas party. And I had just completed a week of finals for my masters. I was exhausted. And I was like, You know what, I just want someone to like, wait on me, and I don't feel like entertaining people right now. And so I went to this badass Italian restaurant upon my best dress, you know, and one of my girlfriends actually had to remind me to do this, because I think that oftentimes we're in our relationships. And we think that everything has to be a couple thing. And like it doesn't. So I went, you know, to the restaurant I had on my best dress, I walked in, and the waiter was just like, Are you are you alone? And I'm like, Yeah, he's like, okay, and he like, sits me at the table. He's like, Can I order for you? And I'm like, Yes, please. And he proceeds to fucking deck out, like my whole meal experience, like, down to like the lemon cello at the end, like, amazing. Amazing. And so for me, it was such a pleasurable experience. And you know, Funny enough, like, I did actually make it to my ex's house, like after the party was done. And after I finished my meal, and I walked in glow and like glow. And he's like, I thought you went out to eat and I was like I did. And it was great. It was awesome. And so again, just giving yourself permission to have those experiences regardless of what it is for you like that is that energy is going to carry over into all of the different parts of your life, but I've seen it especially in your business, so yeah, cultivation pleasure, you're gonna see some returns, right? I

Emily Thompson 49:54
definitely see nothing bad coming from people cultivating a bit more joy in their everyday Live, for sure.

Kathleen Shannon 50:02
I know you talking about getting dressed for the restaurant even makes me think about getting dressed for work. And this was something that I made a point to do whenever I first started working for myself, like I'm gonna get dressed. And I think I even blogged about it like, you got to get dressed for yourself people. And then a few years in, I was not getting dressed for myself at all and, and my business, were starting to grow a little bit and just hired an employee. And it was a good reminder to like, Oh, yeah, maybe make yourself just a little bit more presentable. And not just for my employee or for my team or for Emily whenever we're Skyping or for our guests, but for myself, and I think that it's just so easy to forget to show up for yourself first and foremost,

Emily Thompson 50:47
right. I'll also throw in there sometimes they show up for myself by just wearing my PJ's to work. For sure, like it taking the time that I would have spent getting ready to do something else that I enjoy. I also find great pleasure in doing so it can look like whatever for anyone just give yourself permission to do it. Whatever it may be.

Kathleen Shannon 51:11
Well, I give myself permission to go buy a Yoni egg with crystal should I get?

Unknown Speaker 51:16
Oh,

Arielle Loren 51:18
you know what? No, it's a personal it's a personal choice. Yeah, when you get to Yoni eggs calm, like, literally just look at the crystals, and whatever, you know, read them, you know, see what you know the different properties are of the crystals and then just choose the one that resonates with you. Like there is no at least from the standpoint of you know, how we practice like, there is no like, oh, like this, you know, Crystal has to be your first crystal like you have to start with Rose Quartz or you have to start with obsidian like, no, there's no rules. Do what is it? What attracts itself to you? So do that. Okay, so that's one

Kathleen Shannon 51:55
two. I'm gonna buy myself some bomb ass pajamas.

Unknown Speaker 51:59
Yeah,

Kathleen Shannon 52:00
all this time. Like I want some like nice pajamas.

Emily Thompson 52:04
That's beautiful thought Kathleen. I give you permission to have that thought.

Kathleen Shannon 52:11
What about you guys? What are you giving yourself permission to do?

Emily Thompson 52:15
Oh, here is a good one. I've been giving myself this is silly. I've been giving myself permission to eat gluten fairly regularly lately as someone who's been gluten free for for almost three years now for two and a half years now like pretty ongoing, except for when we travel because that's really difficult. I find great pleasure in a fucking biscuit. I'm not going to play and I found myself resenting being gluten free when I would see biscuits walked by me and not like a crazy like gluttony thing but like legit soul food for me is a biscuit. So I've been giving myself permission to eat gluten guilt free lately and I have loved it.

Kathleen Shannon 53:01
And how does your body react whenever you eat it guilt free? Do you feel like your body reacts fine to It's

Emily Thompson 53:05
fine. It's totally fine.

Arielle Loren 53:08
Right that look at that.

Emily Thompson 53:11
So I will continue eating my biscuits. Thank you.

Kathleen Shannon 53:13
What about URL? What kind of pleasure are you bringing into your life right now?

Arielle Loren 53:17
Well, I just gave myself permission to buy myself all new furniture so like after literally you know 20 years of having like the same furniture and like doing all sorts of things to like make it into like whatever you know, painting it and like gold leafing it etc. I finally just woke up one day I was sitting in my kitchen and I was looking at my furniture and I was like um it's time for some new furniture and so I just went and you know dropped four grand and I was like dude, I'm getting your furniture and it's all here and now I love it so I feel like I have like you know a boss vague like freakin desk now and like I have an amazing new bed and you know now my apartment just has like a whole new energy into it like to it so I'm I'm enjoying my new furniture so you know just sitting on my new velvet chairs and those things like little things like that bring me pleasure and I just ordered a bunch of new house plans so yeah, it's it's home pleasure for me right now.

Kathleen Shannon 54:19
All right, where can our listeners find out more about you and about the driven workshops

Arielle Loren 54:24
so you can find more about me when I'm on all social media outlets so you know pick your pick your pack or whatever but I love Instagram so you can find me Arielle Lauren A Ri e Ll e LR n dot Lauren right for Instagram and then for the website is Arielle Lauren calm. I'm on Facebook as well. You can send me a friend request like as long as you know you look like it's pretty normal. Like I love this community on Facebook, so I'll probably say yes, anyway. Um, and yeah, like, really just I'm pretty much like an open book. Honestly, when it comes to the driven workshops, So, right now, they're pretty much happening on a, I guess you would say like a b2b kind of style. And so if they're booked in the city near you, we'll make an announcement. The best thing is just to sign up for my email list because I'll be blasting like, okay, we're going to be in the city next, that city next, etc. If you want to have the whole experience of, you know, working with your sexual energy, working with your creative energy and seeing how that plays out in your life. Like, those are the safe spaces that we've created to make that happen. So yeah, I was just really excited. Really excited about life.

Unknown Speaker 55:32
love having you on the show. Thanks for joining us.

Arielle Loren 55:35
Yeah, this has been a blast. You two are awesome. And this is just felt like a big like girlfriend love best. So this has been so so pleasurable, and you know, hats off to you ladies. I can't wait to read your book. I'm sure it's gonna be absolutely amazing. And yeah, please keep me posted on how we can support as well you know, over on my side so yeah,

Emily Thompson 55:55
thank you so much. We have gotten so much amazing feedback over the years from listeners about how our podcast has helped them start to grow and uplevel their businesses. So we want to celebrate you here's the boss we're celebrating this week.

Unknown Speaker 56:12
Hi, my name is Steph Xin gonna exam and I am being bought. I'm a graphic designer and brand photographer for women who make and do cool things at the wild within CO and this weekend, celebrating that I've been able to take a few weeks off for vacation and then I've been able to give myself some extra time for a reflection and healing and downtime. And I've done this all without worrying about work because I was able to finish up all my projects before I left and I think that's pretty badass.

Kathleen Shannon 56:41
If you're feeling boss and when to submit your own boss moment or when go to WWW dot being boss club slash I am being boss. All right, big shout out to our sponsors of fresh books cloud accounting, go to freshbooks comm slash being boss to try it for free today. and incorporate calm go to incorporate comm slash being boss to get your free guide, a business plan template, incorporation guide and more. Thank you so much to our team and sponsors who make being boss possible our sound engineer and web developer Corey winter. Our editorial director and content manager Caitlin brain, our community manager and social media director Sharon lukey and are being countered David Austin, with support from braid creative and indicia biography.

Emily Thompson 57:27
Do the work. Be boss, and we'll see you next week.