In a past Being Boss episode with Brooke Castillo, she mentioned the Four Question turnaround by Byron Katie. So today we’re digging into how the 4 questions works. This is a great tool to use whenever you’re having negative thoughts or feeling stuck and can’t move forward.
Kathleen Shannon 0:02
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Emily Thompson 0:29
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Kathleen Shannon 1:10
Hey guys, in today's minisode, I wanted to follow up with our episode number 25 with Brooke Castillo on the four question turnaround that she mentioned. That is Byron Katie's work. So the four question turnaround is all about asking a series of questions whenever you're having a negative thoughts to help you really kind of just loosen your grip on that thought. So I wanted to practice with Emily here and, and show you guys how to use this tool in your real life. So Emily, are you having any negative thoughts lately? Okay, and Emily is like, not a person to indulge in her negative thoughts. I feel like even if she had them, like they would just be gone. Like she would punch them in the face. And they would be gone. But Emily, so So tell me some negative thoughts that you haven't punched in the face yet?
Emily Thompson 2:07
Sure. So I think I think the biggest negative thought we're having are SAP. So David and I are going on our big adventure or David and Lily and I were taking a 40 day road trip, we're packing up our house right now, my life, my studio and my house are a mess right now. Complete Nutter mess, because we're packing up, David's about to move into storage. And we are taking our little family and our dog. And we are taking a 40 day road trip out west. And then whenever we come back, we are going to take all of our stuff out of storage and move to Chattanooga. So and this is something David and I have talked about multiple times in the past couple of days. But we're feeling a little crazy, like a little bit like maybe we've lost our mind. Or at least just I don't know really a little bit scared, I think about this whole decision to completely uproot our lives. to embark on this adventure that we have, we have no idea where it's going to lead. So negative thought is Dave and I have lost it.
Kathleen Shannon 3:12
Okay, I've actually recorded a few extra negative thoughts here. Okay, good. Some of the things I heard you say and this is one of the things when it comes to observing your negative thoughts, is to really be able to write everything down. And so you kind of boil it down to what did you say that you've lost it? Yeah, we felt like we've lost it. And I've lost it. Okay, but I was writing down everything else. Like, I've lost my mind. I'm uprooting my life. I have no idea where this is going. Yeah, out of those three statements, which one feels like the biggest kind of which one rings the most true to you. I've lost my mind. I'm uprooting my life. I have no idea where this is going. I guess I'm uprooting my life. Yeah, that's the one that kind of to me felt like the most, the most true, and like probably the most vulnerable, really. And so this exercise is not about trying to change that thought. It's really about just kind of opening your heart to that thought. It's about recognizing that thought and then asking some questions, to really go a little bit deeper and see what answers we can bring to the surface. So it's really important whenever I'm coaching you to really capture exactly what you're saying. So I was capturing that that phrase, I'm uprooting my life. Right. And so if someone's doing this for themselves, like they should probably just do a stream of consciousness for about three minutes. Just write a whole bunch of stuff down, read through it again with a highlighter and highlight the things that are just kind of feel like a sucker punch to the gut, or feel the most true or the most honest. I'm uprooting my life. First question of the four question turnaround first question. Is it true? Is it true that you are uprooting your life?
Emily Thompson 5:03
Yes. Right. Is that the right answer?
Kathleen Shannon 5:11
Can you So question number two is? Can you absolutely know that it's true? Yes or no?
Emily Thompson 5:23
Yes. Right. Wait, okay, maybe we should define what are breeding ones uprooting one's life means, right? And for me, that's, for me that's having a home, which we're packing and leaving. And for me, that's least for the past two and a half years has been my studio and like being able to come to work and having like, I don't know, my studio family, which is now working remotely, which I guess I haven't lost them. They're still here. So that doesn't count. But my studio will be gone. I guess leaving family is really hard when we move back to be closer to family. And so we're leaving that are leaving them but they're still going to be here. So no, actually, I guess when you really think about it, and what uprooting one's life actually means we're simply moving our life, not a breeding it. Well planted elsewhere. You're just looking at me stop just looking.
Kathleen Shannon 6:21
Okay. So one thing that this is actually a whole other separate tool that Martha Beck taught me whenever I was going through life coaching training, is then at that point, if you really do believe that you're uprooting your life, why is that so bad? So that is a question that we asked all the time. Why is that so bad?
Emily Thompson 6:41
Right, it's not so bad. There's nothing wrong with uprooting your life if you're going to move it somewhere else, and hopefully planted back stronger, right. So it's not a bad thing. Alright,
Kathleen Shannon 6:51
so let's go back. So I'm uprooting my life. Right? You're having this thought, and you've had this kind of tight grip around it, and you were starting to get anxiety around it. So I asked you one. Is it true? You were like, yes. And then I said, Can you absolutely know that it's true? And I just let you talk. And you're like, well, yes. I mean, but Well, let's examine that. Okay, no, right. You took a little drain to get there. All right. So here's the third question. How do you react? Like what happens in your behavior? Whenever you believe the thought that you're uprooting your life?
Emily Thompson 7:31
Oh, I like get all squinched up. I guess I mean, there's winning that happens and everything about that, like, I just kind of want to, like curl up in a ball and go take a nap. I don't know. I guess just fear responses more than anything. And like,
Kathleen Shannon 7:53
so what else? Is it? So does it mean that you? What does it mean for your work? Whenever you have the thought that you're uprooting your life? Like how does that affect Indie Shopography? How does that affect this podcast? How does it affect your one on one client work? How does it affect your work whenever you believe the thought of uprooting my life? Like what is your behavior? Like, oh, gotcha.
Emily Thompson 8:21
Well, I have started like rearranging lots of things, my business for one so that we can handle the change in lifestyle. But that's based on the fact that everything is changing. I mean, my ability to easily jump on a client call will be gone. And my ability to drop everything and get on the laptop to answer emails will be gone. Because Wyoming I don't think has good Wi Fi.
Kathleen Shannon 8:56
Si, that's where you get all scrunched up and want to go take right, or you literally just like going and taking a nap
Emily Thompson 9:02
sometimes,
Kathleen Shannon 9:03
so you become probably a little less proactive, maybe?
Emily Thompson 9:09
Yeah, and definitely less directive.
Kathleen Shannon 9:13
Okay, question number four. Who would you be without the thought? So who would you be if the thought of uprooting my life just didn't occur? Oh, good. Well,
Emily Thompson 9:26
I'd be much more badass because I just would pack it up my shit and leaving like a cool person without thinking about
Kathleen Shannon 9:37
getting your car driving across the country. Right. Okay, so that is the for question. Turn around and you can use it on any sort of negative thought that you have come into your mind and it really is just a way to examine the thought and loosen your grip on the thought. And so I'm just going to recap those questions which Are Is it true? Yes or no? Number two, if you said yes to number one, then the second question is, can you absolutely know that it's true? Yes or no? And then the third question is, how do you react? What happens whenever you believe the thought that it is true? So how do you react and what happens whenever you believe that thought? And Question number four is Who would you be without the thought? which is my favorite question out of the four? I mean, it really leads up to that question, because usually, is the best, most badass version of yourself. It's the boss that you want to be is who you would be without the thought. Every single time.
Emily Thompson 10:50
True that nevermind, I'm over it. I punch that one of the fat Thank you for helping me punch that one in the face.
Kathleen Shannon 10:58
All right. So again, this is the Work of Byron Katie. She has an amazing YouTube channel. So go to her YouTube channel and subscribe to it. She's this just sassy woman who's she just knows her stuff. And and we spoke about Byron Katie and her work whenever we were talking to Brooke Castillo in Episode Number 25. So if you haven't listened to that full episode, you have got to go to love being boss calm and check that one out.
Kathleen Shannon 11:31
This minisode was brought to you by Twenty20. Check them out at Twenty20.com/beingboss. That's t w e n t y 20 as in the number.com slash being boss.
Emily Thompson 11:45
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