Episode 144 // Untame Yourself with Elizabeth DiAlto

October 3, 2017

Bosses, it’s time to jump into your body for a second and feel out what intuitively is going on. Elizabeth DiAlto joins us today to talk about untaming yourself and creating more awareness within yourself to make decisions in business and life and find what is true for you.

Learn More about the Topics Discussed in this Episode
This Episode Brought to You By:
"We're so afraid to fail that often we forget that our best lessons come when we have our face in the dirt."
- Elizabeth DiAlto

Discussed in this Episode

  • What does it mean to get "untamed"
  • How to listen to what your body is telling you
  • Paying attention to synchronicities
  • How tapping into your body changes as your body changes
  • Forging your own path and looking within before you look to others for direction
  • Cultivating community in your business

Resources

More from Elizabeth DiAlto

More from Kathleen

Braid Creative

More from Emily

Almanac Supply Co.

Transcript

Kathleen Shannon 0:01
Hello and welcome to being boss,

Emily Thompson 0:03
a podcast for creative entrepreneurs. I'm Emily Thompson.

Kathleen Shannon 0:07
And I'm Kathleen Shannon.

Unknown Speaker 0:09
I'm Elizabeth c alto and I'm being boss.

Emily Thompson 0:17
Today we're talking about untangling yourself and getting into your body to make decisions with Elizabeth D Alto. As always, you can find all the tools, books and links we reference on the show notes at WWW dot being boss club.

Kathleen Shannon 0:31
Alright, boss, it's never too early to start thinking about end of your financials. One of my favorite things about fresh books cloud accounting is that it keeps me organized year round so that tax time is always a breeze, I can pull a profit and loss report that tells me exactly how much money I made and how much money I spent. I can organize my expenses by category for my accountant. And I can see the bottom line of my business and whether or not I hit my goals for the year. It is never too late to begin to get organized with your money and fresh books. Cloud accounting was designed just for you. They have your creative mind in mind. It's intuitive, it's easy, and it's going to keep you organized. Try fresh books cloud accounting for free by going to fresh books.com slash being boss and enter being boss in the How did you hear about us section? Ah, let's jump in. Elizabeth, we are so excited to have you on being boss. Thanks for joining us.

Unknown Speaker 1:31
Thanks for having me.

Kathleen Shannon 1:33
So let's dive right in. What do you do? Oh, man,

Elizabeth Dialto 1:37
the the million dollar question. Right? So what's really interesting, you know, everyone is like trained to like have their elevator pitch, I typically change my answer to that question, depending on who I'm talking to. So here's what I'm gonna go for you all, I help women untamed themselves.

Kathleen Shannon 1:56
What does that mean?

Elizabeth Dialto 1:59
So we're all raised in this interesting culture in the 20th, slash 21st century, where we're really programmed and conditioned to follow rules, spoken and unspoken cultural agreements and societal norms. And if anyone's listening, not watching, I'm like doing air quotes around norms, especially as women that are in a lot of ways, very patriarchal in nature, and has to do about like, following the way things should be or supposed to be, which for the most part doesn't help any of us align with like, who we really are at our core, or in our soul, which is what I mainly talk about. And so it's really all centered around this idea that everything you've ever needed has always been inside of you. So coming back to like, what makes you you, and just questioning all the conditioning and programming, some of it is aligned for you. And a lot of it is really not. So when we are in our lives, and you know, we find ourselves in jobs you don't want to have or even those of us who have businesses, and I know your show is entrepreneurs, which is awesome. And even sometimes your business gets to a place where you're like, Hi, this is not why I became an entrepreneur, like we have to make these adjustments. But we really have to see why is it like what's out of alignment? And so by just getting really clear on our own personal values, mission standards, what are we for? What are we against, that that's deeply true for us, not based on like everyone else around us, or culture, family of origin, religion, or anything like that? It actually just makes life more efficient, more enjoyable, allows us to be more discerning, and really rooted and grounded into who we are, rather than, again, who we think we're supposed to be, who culture wants us to be and all those things. Oh, that's

Emily Thompson 3:51
some good stuff. I have a question about like it taking the actions though, because what you're saying is pretty much we've all been tamed, each and every one of us in some way depending on where we're from and who raised us and all of those things. But there must be like, actions for untangling or maybe even before we get there, like how do you connect with where in your life you need to become most untamed?

Kathleen Shannon 4:19
Yeah, I love that question. I kind of want to add to that a little bit to Emily because I feel like I grew up very like I do what I want youngest sibling, I came out of the womb feeling wild, right. And I was also surrounded by feminists. My dad never was like, you can do anything a boy can do because it was just the given that I could do anything. Boy, you could do you know, like, that's how feminist my family was growing up. But I also feel like there's this layer of awareness. That like is a little more nuanced. And as I get older, as I evolve, as my identity evolves, I become a little more aware and I started to peel back these like onion layers of like, why Do I shave my legs or you know, just write really specific questions like that. And I'm starting to see like Emily is saying is that there are some areas where either I could use some untangling, or at least some awareness around where I have been tamed. And at least knowing whether or not that was my choice,

Elizabeth Dialto 5:20
right? Okay, so that's the thing, because I'm with you, I pretty much came out quite wild. I was always the kid that like, did whatever I wanted. My mom, I have always had the story of my mom. I'm like, in elementary school, and my mom is telling some story about being at work. And she says, Yeah, I just decided not to care what that person thinks. And she looks back at me, we were in the car. And she goes, I like that from you. And I'm thinking of the kid here. How is my mom learned anything from me? So I was always wild in that sense. And kind of like you were just saying, Kathleen, I, my family was very, my mom had four sisters, like very powerful, very intelligent, all successful in their own way. My dad also was mostly raised by his mom, his aunts and his grandmother. So when people thinking women could do anything was like quite common in my family as well. I was also raised with a religious upbringing, though. So what I didn't realize until much later, it was like you could do anything you want, as long as it doesn't step outside of these bounds, which we think are appropriate. So there's really intricate, nuanced things. And so to answer your original question, Emily, it's about just questioning and like kindly questioning, right? It's not about like, Damn the man FIGHT the power, which, by the way, there's a lot of that going on right now, too. And I'm into it. But I'm kindly and gently just looking at things kind of like you just said, I think going, huh? Is that totally mine? Or did I just pick it up like secondhand smoke and embody it without really realizing. And so my primary mode for obtaining is to connect with the body, because I know you guys, I've actually listened to the episode where you had Rene brown on brittnay talks about how for women, the number one source of shame is our bodies. And so when we can connect him with our body and realize how much of the programming and shaming happens around strictly its physical appearance, and his her capability to produce or create life, or please others, whether that's aesthetically pleasing, sexually pleasing, or whatever, and, and really get up into like, the feminine mysteries of that, like, this body is capable of so much more beyond what we understand, and access our intuition. So many people these days are gaining awareness around their sensitivity, they're identifying as empathic, and how do they interact with like being deeply feeling people, especially during volatile times, which the times we're living through right now, or more volatile than times, I'm about to be 34 years old. So I would say probably the most volatile time in my lifetime, with all these things that are coming up to be healed, salts transformed, transmuted, which is pretty cool. And so when you can get into your body, you can really learn to speak what I call your embody language, which helps you to understand when your senses are communicating with you, like call them your spidey senses, your intuition, whatever you want to call it. You know, when you meet someone, and you're like, I got a funky feeling about that person. You're not being judgmental judgment happens in the mind. Anyone who's into like self development or personal self help work or anything is used to being conscientious about not being judgmental, but your body discerns your mind judges, sometimes your body is literally like, nope, let's get out of here. Something's not right. Or, oh, man, why do I feel like I've known this person forever? Or, you know, you're faced with a business decision. And something in your system is like excited. It's inexplicable. It's not logical. It doesn't make sense. But you're like, I don't know why. But we got to make this choice. All of those things, just paying closer attention to them. So that like, you almost have this fluency in the language that your body is constantly speaking to you. Does that make sense?

Kathleen Shannon 9:16
Yes, I have so many questions. The one that comes Top of Mind is like, How do I know that's my body telling me this person might be I don't know a serial killer. Listening to that podcast, my favorite murder, and I'm so freaked out. My body is like, someone waiting for you around the corner, or did I just have too much coffee this morning? Right? That's what I'm really trying to say here is that whenever it comes to listening to your body one, I do think that that's something that we've been conditioned to not listen to as much like even for my kid, you know, and becoming a parent has made me so much more aware of this Emily, I don't know if you've experienced this with your kid at all where they're like Or I don't want to do that thing, and you force them to do the thing, whether it's hugging a grandparent, or I mean, I think that's the big thing in parenting right now is like, Don't make your kid hug anyone, they don't want to hug, which I think is really cool. And I kind of try to embrace that. But things like, I don't know, like, my kid doesn't want to go to dance class, I'm like, I promise, it's awesome. Or he doesn't want to go outside and look at the eclipse. And I'm like, I swear, this is good for you, it's gonna be amazing. Um, so I think that we are conditioned, for better or worse, to kind of listen to other people over us starting at a very young age, like our parents. Um, but also, I think that there are other variables involved, like our diet. And I know that for me, whenever I really clean things up, and I'm eating really well, I'm able to tap into that wisdom of my body a little bit better, I'm able to tell what is actually intuition. And what is that I ate something crappy, and it's just responding negatively in my body. So what do you think about that?

Elizabeth Dialto 11:01
So I want to start with like the thing you said, You have been listening to that podcast, and now you're saying My body is telling me, that's not your body? That's your mind. And so this is one of the intricate things. Another thing that I say is, I help people get out of their head and into their body. And it's really about being able again to discern, okay, what is actually coming from my thoughts? Whether they're very loud, or it's subtle, and what is actually coming from my body? Because if you're feeling nervous, it's often because you thought something that made you feel nervous. Does that make sense? Yes, versus if you're just walking down a street and you get like a feeling that wasn't preceded by a thought, that is an actual body sensation. Does that make sense?

Unknown Speaker 11:47
Totally.

Elizabeth Dialto 11:49
So what it requires, though, which most people struggle with a little bit and do or aren't willing to do is slowing down enough to pause and take the moment and go was that? did this start as a thought? Or was it an actual instinct or feeling?

Emily Thompson 12:06
And in that second, Kathleen's murder comes around the corner.

Kathleen Shannon 12:15
Oh, my gosh, you guys, I just looked over in my back doors open. It's like open a crack, I swear to god right now. Okay, but back, sorry to take this off topic. I'm back to that. I guess that the way that I would really relate to this is chemistry. So even chemistry with places Emily and I were talking about this recently, we get to travel a lot for work, which is incredible. And we have different chemistry with different places, and we have some Mojo with New Orleans. That's why we host our vacations there. We do our photo shoots there. We like hanging out New Orleans. And we can't really describe what it is like, of course, we could talk about the architecture, but it's this feeling that we get. And so along with having chemistry with people, you can have chemistry with places. And so what you're talking about here, it's making me wonder if we could even think about having chemistry with business ideas or projects or collaborations.

Elizabeth Dialto 13:17
That's essentially how I approach everything. So many years ago, I think I think it might have even been before she gave the TED Talk, or maybe it was after and it was certainly before she wrote Big Magic. I saw Elizabeth Gilbert speak about her idea that like this field of ideas floating around, and then when you pick one, it's kind of like you choose it as a dance partner and you go for it. It's that right? So you're using the word chemistry, we could use the word resonance. And another way to think about these body sensations or your body and body language, like I said, is just feeling for resonance, knowing how resonance registers in your own system, right? When something is like you get those like flutters in your body but it's fear rather than this like nervous anticipatory excitement that's like a yes right? whether something's like a uno Be careful about that or something's like I know it makes you uncomfortable, but you should probably check it out.

Emily Thompson 14:13
You know? So do you have any like a beginner places to start checking in with yourself so if you're one of those people who is possibly rolling your eyes, you're very unconcerned in a lot of ways about what we're talking about like someone who really needs to do this for their first time or really need to start the practice aware is a good place for someone to begin checking in in that way.

Elizabeth Dialto 14:38
So yeah, the I have this Yes, no truth practice which people can grab it. We have a resource page because this is exactly what happens. People are like, I want to know more but I don't know if I believe you. So if you go to wild soul movement, calm forward slash resources, one of the downloads there is a yes, no truth practice. Because at its simplest form, if you could just start getting familiar with what yes feels like in your body, what no feels like in your body. And then when you're in the presence of truth, because you know, sometimes something just strikes you and you have no idea you cannot explain why it's so poignant. Maybe that's how you feel when you like, the plane touches down in New Orleans or something. That's truth. Right? Like, there's a couple of points in my journey when I can think of I was New York City 2012. I'm reading a new earth by Eckhart. Totally, there's this one, paragraph one, it was even a full page about women being burned during like the Christian Inquisition, something like that in Europe, and I just started sobbing. And I'm like, okay, maybe I'll do a little more research on this. This clearly hit me in an inexplicable way. So, yes, no, and truth are just great, great, great places to start. Because you can if that's all you ever could feel in your body, you would still be getting so much valuable insight in your day to day.

Kathleen Shannon 16:05
What's the difference between it Yes, and truth.

Unknown Speaker 16:08
So

Elizabeth Dialto 16:11
it's really just a minor nuance, but so for example, like that book passage that I was reading, that was clearly truth, not Yes. Because it is just like, read something really getting your attention that there's significance for you there. That's how I would describe truth. Whereas a yes is going to be more like an answer to a yes, no question.

Unknown Speaker 16:32
Gotcha.

Emily Thompson 16:33
Love that.

Kathleen Shannon 16:35
I feel like all my truth moments have happened on travel, or like seeing something be like beautiful, like just being struck by I could almost replace the word truth with an adulterer beauty. Yeah, that's right. Ah, incredible. Okay, cool. I like that.

Emily Thompson 16:52
Alright, so I want to know then what life looks like, then for someone who has become untamed?

Unknown Speaker 17:01
Okay,

Elizabeth Dialto 17:02
I'm gonna tell you a quick story. I just moved to Malibu, California.

Unknown Speaker 17:06
Eight days ago. Oh,

Kathleen Shannon 17:10
timely. Like that's amazing. Or do you just have the song Miley song on repeat? No,

Elizabeth Dialto 17:15
I've never even listened to the whole thing to be honest. Listen, my pleasure. But I, I tried, I couldn't get through the whole thing. It wasn't my jam. Um, so back in 2006. I visited Malibu for the first time and felt probably similar to how you guys are describing Philly, New Orleans, it was just like, like my breath. I was just in awe. I could barely breathe the whole time. Because it was like, we like and it didn't really make sense. It's not like you know, there's there's far more like beautiful places in the world ancient the architecture is better. But there was something here. And so I had it come back until 2013. And I had this really pivotal moment like on El Matador beach. And so when I did my rebrand for wild soul movement in 2014, we came back we did part of the photoshoot on that specific beach. So I've had this connection with Malibu. And you know, I've been living in San Diego since October of 2014. And last September, I got out of relationship moved into my own place signed a lease on September 30. And I'm like, Alright, I'll at least be here for the next year and then I'll see what I want to do. And so around May I was just like itching I did a lot of traveling this year. Like I really didn't want to be in San Diego. I was kind of wishing I'd only signed a six month lease. And I was just done you know when you're like complete with something, whether it's a place a person a business engagement, whatever you're like I'm just done. And so I came up here for a weekend just to feel it out. So this is an example Emily to answer the question. I am more committed to feeling into things or feeling things out that I am to analyzing them with just my mind. So I had to get my body here I had to spend a weekend and kind of feel into what would it be like if I lived here and and not just think about it, but feel it and so I came up in May and while I was here here's another one. Always keep an eyes open for synchronicities and like magical moments seeming coincidences but stuff that's like if I really believe that I'm like communing with life and life is communicating right back with me. What am I keeping my eyes out for? three amazing synchronicities. I won't spend the whole podcast talking about it happened that weekend while I was here that were just like undeniable yeses for like, should you live here Elizabeth? Yep. And so Mike, okay. message received so in May I decided I was moving here.

Kathleen Shannon 19:47
Okay. Wait, let's dig into the synchronicities okay. Because this is my word for the year or it's something that I'm love synchronicity. It's one of my favorite things. And I think that especially for people who are New to the idea of synchronicity or sacred coincidences, or divine coincidence, um, I think that it's really actually important to show like to illustrate if you don't mind sharing what it actually literally looks like and to not really question it to really believe it.

Elizabeth Dialto 20:18
Okay, so I'll tell you. The first one was when I was thinking about moving back up to LA because I've lived around here before, not in Malibu, but Venice and Sherman Oaks. I was looking to see if there was a Soho house in Malibu if you guys if anyone listening doesn't know what so houses it's like a member's club primarily for like entrepreneurs and creative type people because it's something what are the reasons I wanted to come back up to the LA area was to be around like a more happening City, where people are doing things that like a higher level creatively, skill wise, bigger thinking, more possibility. And so I was like, cool. Let me see if there's a Soho house and when I looked it up, I didn't see a Soho house in Malibu. So I was up here. I gotta love Instagram stories. It was posted. I was in Malibu. My friend Cassandra messages me. She's like, Oh, my God. If you're still around tomorrow, come meet me at little beach house. Little did I know little beach house is the friggin Soho house in Malibu. I didn't know there was one. I from New York originally when I moved to California in 2013. I've kind of always had this image in my mind of this like, ideal working space. I love like I have a home office. But I love to work at like a coffee shop or like a swanky hotel lobby. So I'd always kind of envisioned this like coffee shop meets swanky hotel lobby, but it's right on the ocean, right? I walk into this little beach house and I'm like, oh my god. This is like all the things combined. Everything I've always been imagining unbelievable. And there's like outdoor places. And there's fireplaces. And there's cozy couches, too, right? Not just like tables. But that was a big part of my inner vision was like, like cozy chairs and couches and not just like uncomfortable tables. So that happened. I'm obsessed with dolphins. And while we were there, like it's not uncommon to be anywhere on the coast of California and see dolphin so I'm not going to be like synchronicity. The dolphins though, stopped and basically put on a show. They were like, jumping around leaping out of the water. I've never seen anything like it. So it was almost like they were flirting flirting with me and being like, Hi, do you think you want to live here? And then last but not least, like this all happened in like the same like 90 minutes, I get an email from a friend of mine. She's not like a super close friend. She's someone I talked to every once in a while. And she's like, this subject line is this is gonna be weird. And I'm like, Oh, I can't wait. I opened the email. And she's like, so I had a dream about you. I've only had two other dreams like this in my life that were this vivid. And both times. She's a celebrity trainer. So pretty much named someone in Hollywood and she's trained them. She's like both times I dreamt that my clients were pregnant before they knew. And when we did the math on it, my dreams happened the week they conceived. So I'm not saying this is prophetic, but I'm not saying it's not. And her dream was that we were in Malibu, and that I was telling her I wanted to move here. And specifically we were in Point Dume and guess where I live?

Kathleen Shannon 23:20
Oh, my God.

Emily Thompson 23:24
Yeah, go ahead. Well, no. So obviously, you moved Malibu.

Elizabeth Dialto 23:28
I moved. I was like, it was like, Yes, yes. Bam, Bam. It was like okay, life universe, God, angels, whoever it is. message received.

Unknown Speaker 23:38
Love that.

Emily Thompson 23:39
Yeah. So there's something to be said possibly about just feeling and being present. And knowing what you want enough to listen to your body for it.

Unknown Speaker 23:52
Yeah. Yeah.

Kathleen Shannon 23:54
And not just your body, but all the synchronicities. Do you think that there is a connection between being able to tap into the wisdom of your body and the intuition that is in your body, and then also seeing external validation of that?

Elizabeth Dialto 24:08
Yeah. And I think this is why I really focus on the senses. So like, the the connection to the body being all of your senses, because it's like, there's this quote from a book I love called the book of love by Kathleen McGowan, where she says, For those with eyes to see and ears to hear. So when you're open and willing to be connecting to your own intuition, there's also a willingness to be again, just observing the life around you that's happening, that might be unseen forces trying to communicate with you. I know for some people, they're like, Alright, this is too much of this woowoo crap for me, it's fine. But some of you who are like curious, it's just like, just pay attention and see if it resonates. That's all I'm saying. Right? I'm not saying you have to make meaning out of every single tiny little thing, but pay attention and when you notice stuff, see if it resonates which comes back to the body thing.

Emily Thompson 25:03
Love that I just decided to coin a new phrase for our for our tribe of people. And they are definitely Whoo. Curious.

Unknown Speaker 25:09
Yes.

Kathleen Shannon 25:13
Yeah, for sure it's not full on we're there. Whoo. Curious for sure.

Unknown Speaker 25:20
dipping your toe in the Whirlpool, see if you like it

Unknown Speaker 25:23
for short term.

Kathleen Shannon 25:25
Oh, okay, so I'm curious to hear a little bit about. I mean, so you just mentioned that you're 34. And just thinking about how our bodies change and how we experience the world around us through our bodies and what that means for our intuition. Do you have any thoughts on that? Like, as our bodies evolved? Obviously, we're all still very young. So it's hard to say, how we're going to be able to tap into our intuition whenever we're, you know, 90 year old little ladies. But what's the going with? How has this played into your journey? For example?

Elizabeth Dialto 26:05
I love this question, because something I've been really thinking about lately is how like, time on the field really matters. So I've had such a craving to spend time with older people. Because no matter what someone's belief systems are, or anything, there's so much value in someone who just has done something for longer than you have even people in relationships, right, like people who've been married for 2030 years, even if it's not the best marriage, they've still figured out how to keep something together. So there's something to be learned there. You know what I mean. And so, one of my mentors a couple years ago said this thing that I repeat all the time, which I love, which is that confidence comes from evidence. And so as we're endeavoring to connect more with ourselves and connect with our intuition, we can reflect back and notice times in our life, where we did have a feeling about something and we either did listen to it. And we're glad we did, or ignored it, and kicked ourselves for it. So we get to do some reflection. And then as we move forward, use that as like, institutional data with like ourselves being the institution for what works and what doesn't.

Unknown Speaker 27:19
Sorry, I'm thinking

Unknown Speaker 27:22
a lot.

Emily Thompson 27:22
I like it, though, I like it too. And mostly, I think about the conversations we've had with some of the most successful people that we've had conversations with one of the things that differentiates them from, from everyone else who hasn't found that level of success usually comes down on some level two, their ability to tap into their intuition, I can think of multiple people that I've either heard talks by or had conversations with, where that is a point of conversation. And these are not like openly Woo, curious people, or who are super woowoo people. These are business people who use their own thoughts and feelings and data gathered, whatever that may mean, to make decisions for themselves. And so it's not just about listening to other people, which is something that I know our crowd finds themselves doing probably more often than they should. And it's not just about reading the latest business book, or, you know, engaging with the latest blog posts, or podcasts, or whatever it is, it's not getting all that outside information. Sometimes it really is just listening to yourself. And again, I can think of so many conversations, where that has been, like, just shoved in my face one more time in terms of Emily, here you go. Here's like another example of why this is so important for you to not only just live your life as you want to but build something to take all of the knowledge and data that you collect over however many years you've been doing the thing and use it to create something.

Elizabeth Dialto 29:04
Yeah, yeah. And you know, so I'm also super practical. I created an Oracle deck this year. And the photographer we were talking about, she's like, so how do you usually create things? And I'm like, Well, you know, I kind of just tap into myself, say some prayers, sit in a meditation, you know, get the divine download, or whatever you want to call it. And then I make a plan and execute it. So it's like, however it is that you're engaging with these things. I find there's so many people, you know, all the labels aside, whoo, whoo, whoo, curious. There's so many very practical, successful people who will just call it trusting their gut, or going with their instincts. It doesn't matter what it's called. But I mean, there are many, many scientific studies done that can support this, that at the end of the day, decisions are made emotionally, they're not logical. We might get all the logical data to inform something, but all that's doing is informing it. Ultimately, decisions are emotional. This is I forget where I read it. This is all So many years ago, and I actually remember where I was when I was listening to what it was like stepping onto the subway in New York City and Battery Park where I used to live. And, um, because it was something about somebody who had some kind of brain damage where that part of the brain, perhaps the prefrontal cortex, but don't quote me on that I'm not science. I don't recall those details amazingly all the day. But it was like the part of the brain that does make those decisions was damaged. And so it was really interesting to navigate without that function.

Kathleen Shannon 30:29
Interesting. Okay. I, I want to ask you, if you've ever had an experience where your gut has said, Yes, you've maybe even experienced some synchronicities, and then it turned out miserably. Has that ever happened to you?

Elizabeth Dialto 30:43
This is amazing. Yeah. And because, yes, and I am so glad you asked this. Because just because you follow your gut, your intuition doesn't mean you're gonna be guided down like the most magical path ride with butterflies, unicorns, and a pot of gold at the end of it. Sometimes we're going to be led down the path we need to go on so we can get our ass kicked a little bit so we can learn what we need to learn. And it's like training for the next thing or for where you really want to be or where you really want to end up. And for anyone who's ever started a run a business knows this. How many false starts do we all have in our businesses, but we couldn't have signed up for the invaluable learning we got by trying something that didn't work out. Had we not done

Kathleen Shannon 31:25
it? Right. Totally. See, I had an experience and Emily's heard it so many times. I've shared it on this podcast before but where I tried a new business venture all signs pointed to my gut said yes, synchronicity was out of control. Amazing. And then it totally flopped. It was just a bad idea. And I what I learned from it though, is I got very clear on what I am supposed to be doing. And I was able to really give being boss my all and braid creative, my all and really get clarity around Okay, this is what I need to be focusing on. Anything else might be a distraction, and then it helps really informed decisions down the line total that I can now say no to you, but what I think it did do kind of is shake my confidence a little bit in trusting those signs, right? Like, okay, yes, but am I about to get my ass kicked?

Elizabeth Dialto 32:20
Yeah, well, and that's the thing. We're, this is part of the programming and conditioning, right? We're so afraid to fail, that we forget that often. Our best lessons come from we get when we have our face in the dirt. And so and contrast, right? contrast is such an incredible teacher. If you hadn't had that contrast, you couldn't have gotten so sharp and so clear on

Emily Thompson 32:42
what you do want. Oh, this Okay, this brings me back to the untamed in yourself mindset. And especially around women in business, because that's who does make up the bulk of our listenership? They're not all of them. So I would love to hear from you. What are some of those rules that many of us are living by, that you find most often and possibly most need to be broken?

Elizabeth Dialto 33:10
Because everyone else is doing it? This is how everyone else does it. This is how it's done. It's this expert who makes seven figures said that this is the way it's done, I and I want to let you guys know, I'm quite untamed. And I still get sucked into that sometimes, right? But it got its contrast, like I recently at the time of recording this, I just wrapped up a watch for my core program about three weeks ago. And it was like putting my business through a filter. And what came out on the other side was like, Oh, look at all these things that we need to do better. So um, and there were a couple things actually mid lunch, I decided I was emailing my list, like, Hey, sorry about that fast acting bonus thing on the webinar, I decided that felt really crappy. And you all get the bonuses. Like, I'm not into that. I don't like it. You know, I'm paid in full bonus, I didn't like that either. Which, by the way, if it works for people great. But to come back to that resonance thing I'm like, there's something for me about rewarding people who can pay in full, which also kind of feels like punishing people if they can't, and maybe I could just relate because for so many years of my life, I was the person who the only way I could have afforded to do something is if there was a monthly payment plan. And so you know, there's obviously a little finance charge for that which pays for like taking care of it on the businesses and things but to like give more rewards to people because they could pay in full. It just didn't feel that it didn't feel kind or consider it to me. And so and there were a couple things that I was like, Oh, this is just the way you do it. This is what people do. And I was like, not I you know and I'm like emailing my list there were like three things during this lodge that I was like remember that thing I said the other day I'm taking it back we're doing it this way. Cuz I'm by wild soul is perk it up. That's how I refer to like my intuition. Higher Self is my wild so I'm like she's not into it. So we're not doing it anymore. I closed my facebook group with 5000 people But it like, all these things happen. And I was like not going there. Tell us about that closing

Kathleen Shannon 35:05
your Facebook group.

Elizabeth Dialto 35:07
Oh my goodness, it was, it's, you know, it's the second time I've done it. So now I've really learned. So back in 2013, I started a Facebook group and in August 2015, with 3500 people in it, I closed it. The reason that time is because I had just started it on a whim, and that there was no container for it, there was no intention for it wasn't super curated. And it turned into a space where I felt like I was coaching people for free. But then a couple months later, when I published my book, I opened another Facebook group with the intention of connecting around the content and the book and the content on the podcast, because the podcast had been around for about six months at that point. And so that gave it more like purpose and direction, I got really clear on the guidelines. And so but this past summer, there was just something that was so loud that it was like, it's time to let this go. Because energetically even though I had a community manager in there. Because I am a high feeling person because I am super energetically sensitive. Even if I'm not the one in there managing the day to day, I'm feeling taxed by holding space for 5000 people. And perhaps it's because I know it's a little bit different in the business context. Because the nature of my work is like deeply personal, emotional people are coming in, they're sharing. So like very vulnerable things. There's a level of responsibility, I feel. And again, like the energetic container of it was just for the growth and the momentum that we have in the business, I literally just couldn't hold it anymore. And it was like it's it's time and, and also because everything I do is about empowerment. And true empowerment to me is about being powered from within. So I can empower people, I can provide tools and resources and philosophies and all these things so that people can make better choices, question things in their lives, and empower themselves and do things differently. And so I was like, there's something something started to feel like I was creating a comfortable space where people could feel like they took an action. Because they came into a Facebook group, they posted something, they got some feedback, they got some human connection. But are they actually making progress? Or are they just getting that hit? That feels like they did something, but they didn't actually move the needle forward or in any kind of helpful or useful direction. And so I was like, I'm gonna close this thing. What I also what I didn't realize those you can archive the Facebook group, I, so I just archived it. And when I do challenges throughout the year or specific trainings, I can open it back up with like focus and intention on a specific thing. So it doesn't have to just be this ongoing space that sometimes feels nebulous, sometimes doesn't.

Emily Thompson 37:56
You just hit on so many things that I've been hearing from some amazing online entrepreneurs and then things that Kathleen and I have been filling ourselves with, with the growth of community online and how everything can look so vibrant, but feel so draining. I think those things are they feel disconnected, but they show up in the same places. And most of those are in Facebook groups, where people are just showing up and doing things and being heard. But and especially with you know, with our group, I think specifically this is where I'm connecting it this idea of doing the work. doing the work does not involve hanging out in a Facebook group.

Elizabeth Dialto 38:36
Yeah, yeah. And it's such an inclination to reach out before you reach in. Yeah. And then that makes the reaching in money labeling, aren't we? That's what I've been saying. I Oh my God, I've been like I felt I feel like it was intended to be a tool for empowerment, and it became a tool for enabling.

Kathleen Shannon 38:57
Yeah, right labeling enablement and making me wonder at how much you had people wanting you to untamed them for them. And so for example, our motto here at being boss is be boss do the work. But whenever you're in a position as a coach or a consultant, I mean, maybe coach more than anything because as a coach, it's your job to guide people through the answers as a consultant, you can pay me a healthy amount of money and I'll tell you exactly what to do. But as a coach, it's really about finding your own answers right? And that's definitely the philosophy we take care of being boss. It sounds like the philosophy you take at attaining yourself not attaining yourself is going to look a little different for everybody based on their own circumstances. Therefore, you can't do it for them. Right. We cannot give you a bulletproof business model. We cannot give you a formula for how many emails you need to send in a week to get success. And I'm sure that you can't tell someone exactly what to do to entertain themselves or even more so untamed them for them. themselves. And I feel like that's kind of the culture that these Facebook groups start to set up.

Elizabeth Dialto 40:05
Yeah, well, and that's part of it too. I feel like I'm sure it's different for every community, but there's like a tipping point where it becomes diminishing returns.

Emily Thompson 40:16
Right? And it's also, and we're gonna talk business model for half a second, we're like reach in general, where I see so many people, so many really great online entrepreneurs who are building these really high revenue businesses with very large followings. But most of them feel more disconnected from their work at that point, then whenever they are very carefully and thoughtfully nurturing a very small group of people who are very engaged and willing to buy and interact. And you're not making as much it is so much more fulfilling, I think that's like, maybe one of those like business rules were like, grow really big and reach as many people as humanly possible. And the internet makes that hugely possible. But whenever most of us stop and check in with ourselves, that can feel can fill and not always fill that can fill the most inauthentic and like less good feeling. For all the work that you put into whatever creative endeavor you're doing.

Elizabeth Dialto 41:20
I'm with you. So last year, I started running teacher training, because I was noticing we're all of our community connection is happening online, and I'm only one person. So I can run a couple of retreats throughout the course of the year. But that's like how many people can come to a retreat throughout the course of the year, right. So I wanted to be able to create more of a ripple effect that's more engaged and more personal and intimate, like you're describing. So like, if I have women who can teach wild soul movement classes, or wild soul movement, weekend workshops, were even retreats all over the world in different languages, in countries where I don't speak the language like, then we can really, we could be having that ripple effect. We could be reaching more people, but it's happening at like a higher level of touch. And so this has been awesome. We graduated our first class in May. And they've been teaching some of what and taught on someone else's retreat. I'm actually rolling for teacher training right now. So it's cool to see the applications come in. And people do crave as much as the internet allows us to connect in ways like this right now. We're in freakin zoom. We live across the country from each other, but we're all able to connect across state lines. Like that's magnificent. And there's like, how much cooler would it feel if we were all in the room together? You

Emily Thompson 42:36
know, we've all dreamed about what that would look and feel

like for sure, right?

Kathleen Shannon 42:43
Netflix holler at me, I want a TV show. I've been putting out in there in the universe that's like my version of let's get in a room together and have Netflix record it and then air it that way. Okay, so then my question about teacher training and business model and you know, really shifting things based on feeling right or not, Emily and I have made so many little pivots, even being boss and how we run it, learning as we go and always checking in with what's working and what's not working and what just feels funny, and it is so validating to me whenever I have a funny feeling. And I'm like something about this I don't really like, but I can't articulate it and then being able to talk that through with Emily. And she's like, Oh, yeah, me too. Maybe it's this, this and this. So one having someone else to really talk to about these feelings that don't quite have words yet is pretty incredible. So this is to say we've had lots of little pivots and ideas, and we've purged things we've added in new things. We've done lots of things, right. And so whenever you're talking about teacher training, I just start going down, like the line of logistics for that. So how complicated was that for you to say, Okay, I want to do teacher training, like, what were the good? What were the things about it? That felt really good? And then what were the things about it, that felt a little trickier.

Elizabeth Dialto 44:11
So teacher training was very, it didn't really feel tricky. I don't really see

Kathleen Shannon 44:19
any like, okay, now, am I just beholden to my teachers? Or like, what if, what if a teacher messes up and then their clients are really upset and then they come directly to me? Was there any of that

Unknown Speaker 44:31
a scenario? Well, worst case scenario,

Elizabeth Dialto 44:35
I appreciate people who have that critical thinking faculty, because I don't. And so I actually just didn't think of any of those things. I was like, oh, divine inspiration here. This

Kathleen Shannon 44:44
is my, this is my gift to you start freaking out. What happened?

Elizabeth Dialto 44:49
So not gonna do it? But I was like, Listen, we're gonna let this be easy. And here's what I said going into it and like, my women know me and for the first class, especially, I'm like, They've been doing wild soul movement, they wouldn't be on board if they weren't already into like, untamed themselves go with the flow a little bit and trust in themselves. And I'm like y'all, this is our first adventure together. So the inaugural class is also the experimental class. So we're going to try some stuff, some of it, I'm going to be flying by the seat of my pants, some of it is going to just make a lot of sense to be very informed. By past experiences I have, I've been running trainings in different industries since I was 19 years old, so 20 years old. So I have a lot of experience in this type of thing. And so but a lot of it is largely going to be experimental. So don't sign up for this unless you trust me, because there will be pivots, I will be correcting course as we go along. So I was just really transparent about that. And I couldn't have possibly had a more perfect first group, they were in it on board, trust in me trust themselves trust in the process. It was so beautiful, like sobbing at the end of the retreat, like we did this gratitude circle. we appreciated like each person at the end, and we're just like, everyone is just crying and like, it was for them. And they were like, Can we do you? And I'm like, have you have do and like, it was beautiful. It was really like a family. And so anything that came up that was like a little niggly, or inconvenient or weird or whatever, we just address it. You know, courageous conversations is one of the chapters in my book. So we're just really good at Hey, okay, me, oh, could have done that better. Great noted for next time. Here's how we'll pivot around that. And so for this huge training,

Unknown Speaker 46:31
I've, I've incorporated all

Elizabeth Dialto 46:33
of that feedback. And last year's class gets full access to all this stuff, too. But I just I'm not a worrier, I really feel like worrying is like praying for what you don't want. So I just focus on what I want, put one foot in front of the other, map it out to the best of my ability to pivot or correct course if I need to. And that works really well for me. I know some people could not stomach doing things that way. And so I'm not saying it's for everyone. But

Kathleen Shannon 46:58
for me, it works. Now I'm inspired. I think that's incredible. And I think that that's the way that I've run business up until this point, and there's something probably in the last year, maybe it's just getting burned a few times, like just feeling a little gun shy, where I'm like, oh, but all the things that could go wrong. But that's no way to be a creative entrepreneur, I'm I am far more inspired by the direction of thinking about what you want, and getting really clear on what that looks like at the end so that you can work your way toward that than worrying about what could go wrong. Maybe it's even hiring a lawyer. We have a lawyer now. And like their job is to go down worst case, oh,

Elizabeth Dialto 47:36
I'm redoing the contract for teacher training. And

Unknown Speaker 47:39
I'm like,

Elizabeth Dialto 47:39
I don't even like looking at this stuff. I can't that I have to. But you know, I'm wondering if Do you guys just feel like after your community grows, just kind of just feel like more responsible because there's more people.

Kathleen Shannon 47:52
Totally, I think that's why and like maybe even just a little protective of what happens to them and what their experiences. And as this thing grows bigger than us, I probably that kind of control freak nature of me that's made me a great creative entrepreneur up until this point, but really learning how to build community. So that's what I wanted to ask you about is building community. So you shut down the Facebook group, but you can kind of open it up selectively, which I love that idea. I had no idea you could do that. Right? storing that

Unknown Speaker 48:25
right here.

Kathleen Shannon 48:27
Um, so my question, though, is with teacher training, or with Do you have any other tactics for really building community that feels really good to you? And where do you think the direction of community building in a really meaningful, authentic, dare I say, way is going right now for online businesses and offline businesses?

Emily Thompson 48:49
Um,

Unknown Speaker 48:51
or maybe even just in your business,

Elizabeth Dialto 48:52
just I'm gonna go with just in my business, you know, for me, it is, this is what I love about embodiment being a huge aspect of empowerment is that I get to just show up and be what I want to see more of, and what I want to create more of, in the world. And so I want to be open. And by the way, I'm reclaiming the word authentic. I'm over being like, dare I say, and I'm not knocking you. But like, we've all done that, where it's like authentic and vulnerable and self love that just have been like, so overused, like, it's still a valid word, it has meaning. And so we're going to just take that one back and not apologize for us. I love it. Like I want to show up as myself in the moment as I am. be vulnerable with discernment, right? Like, I don't need to just be the full frontal sharing vomiting everything on the internet that people have not earned the right to hear, as Rene brown also says. And so I get to model that and through that, I get to invite interaction out in the open. This was another thing I was like, you know, by having the closed Facebook group, there was a piece of me that felt and by the This is my instinct when I had reopened the group in 2015, it was a public group. And then within like a month, I made it private again, because I noticed the engagement was lower. But my instinct or making it public was like, how about we stop hiding these conversations. And that's like, that's what programs are for, if you want to be behind closed doors, like that's what, that's what we're doing the program that makes sense, because that's the container. But in like a free space, like, let's just let's show up with whatever we feel comfortable showing up with. So just my public social media is now on my podcast, I'm inviting people, like, find me on Facebook, find me on Instagram, let me know what you thought, instead of calm inside the Facebook group, you know, and I'm okay, taking the feedback. That way. I like to I like to respond to messages and read my own comments and messages and stuff. And there's probably going to be a point where I have to kind of delegate that out as well. But we could just keep adjusting as that happens.

Unknown Speaker 50:56
Because I mean, I don't want

Elizabeth Dialto 50:59
to tell you into other than this is another reason why I'm going in the direction of creating more live events, more weekend workshops, more retreats, more live gatherings, where people can come together and do that in spaces that are more accessible. Maybe they can't join my 997 program, but they could pay 25 bucks to go to a local wild. So movement class like so that's what a teacher training is putting more people on the ground, like mobilizing an army. So the connection is more available in real life, if you will, rather than just in the online space is that feels good to me.

Kathleen Shannon 51:35
This has been so fun getting to chat with you. What makes you feel most boss? Ah,

Elizabeth Dialto 51:43
honestly sitting in front of the ocean. For two reasons. The ocean I feel like is like one of the most powerful forces in the world. So it just it just it reminds me that I'm just like, one small, humble piece of the planet, which makes me feel boss in a weird way that I can't describe. But also sitting in for the ocean being like I made a lot of great decisions that I could come sit in front of the ocean whenever they feel like it.

Emily Thompson 52:07
Amen to that. Thanks.

Kathleen Shannon 52:09
Oh, that brings me back around to Malibu. So you went up to Malibu after the sixth? Break your lease What? Oh,

Unknown Speaker 52:17
yeah, never finished the story. Oh, my God.

Unknown Speaker 52:19
So back in May, I had put

Elizabeth Dialto 52:22
my friend had a real estate agent. So um, I just put me in an MLS search for rentals. Here's the price range, here's the areas. So I can just at least know what's available on the market. So when it gets closer around August, like Around this time, I thought I'd be looking for places not already living here. So no, I didn't break my lease. I still I'm on two leases right now I might be playing, I paid rent on two places in August, I might do to get into September. Hopefully they find someone to find my place before September 1. But this one place came through I saw it and I was like, Oh my god, I think that's my place. I cleared a whole day of my schedule. Three days before my car, it was closing on my lodge that didn't make I made all these impractical choices came out to Malibu walkthrough. Put in an application, I apparently beat out eight other applicants, one of whom offered to pay $1,000 more than the asking like, this was just my place. And it was just time. So and I didn't I didn't question any of the things, even though they were a logical, did it make sense? Whatever. I'm like, Okay, I'm going I'm gonna get there. And I'm just gonna trust that I'm going to be supported because everything that's pointed me towards that this is the right decision has felt like life being like, just go just get there. Get your body there. You'll figure it out later.

Unknown Speaker 53:37
congrat. May

Kathleen Shannon 53:37
we all have more trust? I'm so inspired. Thanks. Agree. Awesome. All right, where can our listeners find more of you?

Elizabeth Dialto 53:48
So Facebook and Instagram? both places? It's Elizabeth D Alto, easy to find. There's no one else with many. And our website is wild soul movement calm.

Kathleen Shannon 53:58
I've loved getting to chat with you.

Unknown Speaker 54:01
You're so fun to show.

Unknown Speaker 54:02
This is my first three way.

Unknown Speaker 54:05
Congratulations, hey.

Unknown Speaker 54:10
It's not our sorry.

Unknown Speaker 54:14
But I'll never forget my first.

Emily Thompson 54:20
We have gotten so much amazing feedback over the years from listeners about how our podcast has helped them start to grow and uplevel their businesses. So we want to celebrate you. Here's the boss we're celebrating this week.

Unknown Speaker 54:34
Hi, my name is maler caspersen and I am being bought. I run a nonprofit organization providing online support programs and resources for people under 40 who are dealing with cancer at the coonawarra.org and this week, I'm celebrating my first official day as a paid employee of my organization. We've been running programs and fundraising for two years and we're at a financially stable milestone where we can start having paid staff, staff allows us to offer even more Support even more young adult cancer patients, survivors and caregivers and I'm really excited

Kathleen Shannon 55:06
if you're feeling Boston when to submit your own boss moment or when go to WWW dot bien boss club slash I am being boss. This episode of being boss was brought to you by fresh books cloud accounting, thank you to fresh books for sponsoring us and you guys can try it for free by going to freshbooks comm slash being boss.

Unknown Speaker 55:28
Thank you so much

Kathleen Shannon 55:28
to our team and sponsors who make being boss possible our sound engineer and web developer Corey winter. Our editorial director and content manager Caitlin brain, our community manager and social media director Sharon lukey and are being countered David Austin, with support from braid creative and indicia biography.

Emily Thompson 55:46
Do the work for you boss, and we'll see you next week.