Finding Your Values

Kathleen Shannon 0:04
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Kathleen Shannon 0:45
All right, what do we want to talk about today?

Caitlin Brehm 0:48
Let's talk about values. It's been all over all the content we've been putting out there. If you have the being boss book, which you should have, you can turn to page 48. And we have an exercise in there about finding your values as kind of the foundation of setting up your business. It's also an exercise in the CEO day kit, which you can check out at courses that being bossed club. And either way that you're looking at this exercise, we've gotten a lot of questions about people just feeling like they're not doing it, right. They look through, they try and pick their values. And they don't know, if they're choosing the right ones. They feel fraudy, they feel vain. They feel like maybe they're not measuring up to the values they want. So can we kind of clarify what finding your values means and how it works as a business owner?

Emily Thompson 1:44
Sure, I think I want to begin this with even saying that this is also an exercise that we've done with our being boss, clubhouse bosses, which really rounds it out to being the exercise that we do with everyone that we're working with are really diving into the being boss content with because is foundational to how it is that you create a life and business that you find fulfilling. So once you know your values, what it is that you hold is super important to yourself. Once you're able to identify those, you can move through your work in life with so much more ease, you can make better decisions, all of these things. So all of this to say this is one of the most important exercises that we do here at being boss. And it really leads into everything else that we're doing. So not to put any pressure on anyone. But this is a core one.

Kathleen Shannon 2:37
Yeah, totally. So in our book, we interview, Tammy falls, who is a dear friend of the show, and a life coach, life and death coach, which is a whole other story. But she's truly fascinating. And one of the things that she says is vision, poles, values, steer strengths, fuel. So what I think that this means is vision poles like if you can see it, it's yours. That's something that our friend Jay Pryor has said and that I love so much the more specific you can get about what you want, the easier is going to be to manifest those things and to be able to identify them and claim them as yours whenever you see them. If you have that vision, values steer. So this one is incredibly important in how you reach those goals. You know, one of the things that we always talk about is that if it doesn't feel good along the way, what is the point and I think that that's where values really comes in. And so just to reiterate why this is a foundational practice at being boss. And why this is the backbone of so much of our content is because it is what keeps you feeling good and fueled along the way. So for me, whenever it comes to people getting confused about how to find their values, or not knowing if they're doing it right, or their values feel too aspirational. I think one of the first things that you can do is go all the way back, think about whenever you were five years old, whenever you were 10 years old, whenever you were a teenager, what was really important to you and what still rings true, I think that there are some values that we're just inherently born with. So I know I've spoken about my values, ad nauseum, like I feel like I've said the word authenticity a million times on this podcast. But for me really thinking about how whenever I was younger, it was really valuable to me to stand out and to be different to buy my clothes at the secondhand shop and not look like anybody else. And then to this day, how does that show up in my business and in my vision for the work that I'm creating is helping people be who they are 100% of the time. So this is a value that has resonated over time. And then there are certainly values that are a little bit more aspirational, that don't quite feel true, but feel true to who I want to become. And so that's another huge one, too. What about what about you all What about you, Emily? What values And how do you? How do you Wade the murky waters, if you're feeling unclear on what your values are,

Emily Thompson 5:07
right, same, I think I think there's a one or two that will hold fast throughout your entire life. And I know that another place that a lot of people get hung up with this exercise on is especially looking at, you know, personal values versus business values. And I want to say for people who find themselves struggling with that piece, it's really important to consider which ones overlap and in some cases where some may be a business value, and maybe not so much a personal or vice versa, I think those are usually pretty few and far between, I think if you are building a personal brand, or a business based on your own creativity, that the overlap will be larger than not. But I do think I think that there are some cases in which you can have something as a very strong value in your personal life that you may not be bringing too terribly much into your business in terms of a forward facing mission of your business. However, I do think you are still bringing that value into how it how it is that you show up for your business and the people that your business serves.

Kathleen Shannon 6:15
I also think that really finding your values and getting clear on them is something that is a practice that will evolve and solidify over time. So there are some values that have been with me forever, like authenticity, for example. But then there are some that I like to try on for size. And this is where our monthly intention practice of setting intentions, and then expressing what those intentions are, you know, journaling about it talking about it to each other is a place where I can try on values and really try on single word intentions and see how those resonate. And sometimes I adopt them for life. And sometimes I adopt them for a year or just for a season or for a month. And so I think that it's something that you can really practice. And it should be an ongoing practice, it's not like, you're gonna sit down and do the exercise on page 48, and be done with it, it's something that you might be exploring for your entire life,

Emily Thompson 7:13
for sure. And there have even been instances where a value comes to the forefront for me. So you know, I've done this exercise a dozen times or more over the past, you know, two or three years or so, um, every time we do an iteration of the clubhouse, or I'm doing my own CEO day, every year, I do this exercise. And so it's always really funny to me whenever a new one pops up. So one that recently popped out for me that I see as being very true for me long term and even like going back to whenever I was a kid. But as I've gone through this exercise over the years, it's never popped out to me until recently, and that one being respect. So respect being one of those values that I've really only been able to recently notice as a value for myself. So just another illustration of how this is an ongoing understanding of who you are, and what it is that you value. I also want to note really quickly about how many values you should pick out because I think this is probably one of those places where a lot of people get hung up on what we want you to do with this list of values, is go through it a couple of times, we always recommend people go through and just like put a little dot next to everyone that stands out to you. And then once you do that, go back through that list over and over again, until you get down to about three to five values. If you have more than that it can be really hard for you to succinctly communicate to yourself and others what it is that you hold important. But the more narrow you can get, the more easily you'll be able to tap into those. That doesn't mean they won't change, it doesn't mean that you don't value other things. But it does help you succinctly identify what it is that you value most. And, Kathleen, if you'd like to talk a second about all the people who find values that are similar, like let's say joy and happy.

Kathleen Shannon 9:13
Right, so I think that if you are struggling with finding a value, that doesn't quite resonate, it's really looking at some of those other words that represent what that value also means. So even busting out the thesaurus and figuring out what words really resonate and saying them out loud. So if you have a bunch of values that seem the same, like joy, and happiness, I would really dig in and ask yourself, okay, what is the difference between these two? What do they have in common? Which word say it out loud, say joy out loud, say happiness out loud, which one resonates more? Are there other words for joy and happiness, that ring more true to you. So it really is a game of semantics a little bit But that language matters. And that language will start to shape who you become and who you are, the more that you say it in your mind and out loud. And the more you find those values crossing your path. In real life, like that's one of my favorite things about this practice of values and intentions, is really seeing where these things show up. So even for you, Emily, respect coming to the top of the list recently, it's like, okay, where is that being reflected? And how does that show up for you, this is such a personal practice, and it's going to be different for everybody. So that's another thing is that, you know, Emily, you and I might have the exact same value. And it's going to mean that something a little bit more different for each of us, there's going to be those nuances and really exploring those nuances, is, I think, what makes this practice so special and impactful?

Emily Thompson 10:54
For sure. And I want to talk really quickly about what can happen whenever you find words that may have negative connotations in society these days, because there are values on this list or just in the world in general, that you may find yourself valuing, but maybe have a bit of that guilty feeling in the pit of your stomach, which is something we run into bosses experiencing quite often.

Kathleen Shannon 11:20
Yeah, I had a conversation with Jessica Murnane on one part podcast about this, where she admitted to valuing money. And I think I even did a minisode, where I elaborated and talked about how one of my values was, I think it was fame, but really what it is, is celebrity and feeling so funny about valuing celebrity, like I love the Beyonce 's of the world and the you know, Kanye is and as ridiculous as they can be sometimes, but I love just pop culture. And that can be a little embarrassing. I know, for some people, it might be fashion, or for some people it might be money, these things can have negative connotations, and it can seem bad to value it. So I think again, that's where you really have to dig in, do some journaling, do some reframing, figure out why it is that you value it and then own it, unapologetically own it, because it's okay. And it's, it's who you are. And it's what makes you you. I mean, if you're a good person, like if you saw hate, then I don't know. Pretty much the worst, but

Emily Thompson 12:29
right. But the point is that, that these words are neither good nor bad, you give them their meaning. And if you're giving them a negative, meaning you either need to, you know, maybe figure out a way to not value that thing anymore, or rephrase it so that you can find integrity and valuing that thing. So all of that to say this is one of our favorite exercises, Kathleen and I talk about this all the time between ourselves and with other bosses. And we hope that you will go through this exercise as well. Again, it's available in the being boss book on page 4748 and 49. It's also in the CEO day kit, which you can find at courses dot being boss club. And you can also find some more information about being boss dot club at slash values where you can actually go perhaps find a cool graphic of your value and share it on social media as a way to claim what it is that you find most important to you.

Kathleen Shannon 13:29
Before we hang up, Can I say one more thing about reframing that value because I experienced this recently do it I found myself valuing money or even just kind of being obsessed with it a little bit and really feeling like I needed to reframe that. So my word of the year is abundance. And it's a way to really think about prosperity and that kind of energy in a new way beyond just the metric of money. And so I'm seeing other places where abundance shows up that is making me feel so much more rich than just $1 in my bank account. So that's just one example.

Emily Thompson 14:04
I love that because I do find that money is one of those ones that people get the most hung up about and if you need some additional resources check out any of the money podcasts on being boss find those at being boss club, and then we'll also include in the show notes for this minisode an episode that I listened to recently from Bridget at Biddy Tarot about money, which is also very good perspective on how to trade your energy for money and not feel bad about it. Love it.

Kathleen Shannon 14:37
This minisode was brought to you by twenty20 check them out at twenty20.com/beingboss that's t w e n t y 20 as in the number.com slash being boss.

Emily Thompson 14:51
Did you like this minisode Be sure to check us out on our website at beingboss.club. There you can find more from being boss including our are full episodes minisodes and blog posts. And while you're there, be sure to sign up for our mailing list so that you can get access to behind the scenes and exclusive content from Kathleen and myself to help you be more boss in your work and life. Do the work be boss