Episode 240

How to Thrive When You Work Alone

September 1, 2020

In this all new era of Being Boss, Emily is all alone and she’s focused on making sure she continues to thrive. She’s going over how to control your negative self-talk, setting yourself up for success, creating proof of your accomplishments, investing in yourself, and so much more.

Learn More about the Topics Discussed in this Episode
This Episode Brought to You By:
"Loneliness can be the most pungent ingredient in the recipe for destruction in your boss journey."
- Emily

Discussed in this Episode

  • How to be your biggest fan
  • The Being Boss Gathering online event
  • Upcoming changes to the Being Boss podcast feeds (and YouTube!)
  • Battling loneliness when running your business solo
  • Defining your mindset with gratitude practices
  • Control your negative self-talk
  • Setting yourself up for success with rest, healthy meals, and a productive environment
  • Creating proof of your accomplishments
  • Celebrating your wins and rewarding yourself
  • Investing in yourself


More from Emily

Almanac Supply Co.


Emily Thompson 0:09
Welcome to being boss, a podcast for creatives, business owners and entrepreneurs who wants to take control of their work and live life on their own terms. I'm your host, Emily Thompson. Here we are the first episode of the second era of being boss. I'm here recording all by myself today. And honestly, it feels a little weird. It feels right. But it feels weird. The truth is, as a creative business owner, you're likely not at all a stranger to being alone, working alone, standing alone and your dream or your vision. Creativity is often a solo path. And though I'm obviously a huge fan of collaboration, not everyone is built for collaborative work. And entrepreneurship is certainly a lonely road, even with a team being ahead. Have a business or a company will inevitably leave you feeling alone at the top. As such, you need to cultivate some skills that enable you to support yourself in your journey. Today I'm here to talk to you about being a creative and building your business when you're all by yourself, sharing some mindset shifts and practical tactics for having your own back as you show up and do the work. I'm here to guide you and being your own biggest fan, your own cheerleading section, your own hype squad. From solopreneurs to bosses with the team fresh books, cloud accounting is here to make the management of money in your business a breeze. In fact, the fresh books Notification Center is like your very own personal assistant. It always lets you know what's changed in your business and you last log in and what needs to be dealt with pronto like overdue invoices. And if you ever have a question the fresh books Help Center has the answer. It's filled with easy to navigate support that answers everything from how to get started to how to start getting paid. freshbooks is the easy to use invoicing software designed to help creative entrepreneurs get organized, save time invoicing, and get paid faster. Sign up now and get 50% off your first three months by going to freshbooks.com/beingboss and entering Being Boss in the How did you hear about us section that's freshbooks.com/beingboss.

Emily Thompson 2:36
So here we are today to talk about being your own biggest fan and cultivating a strong sense of self reliance, and some healthy mindsets and practices that will leave you feeling empowered in your work even when you're doing it alone. But before I get started, I do have a few pieces of housekeeping that I need to complete before I can begin. First off, it's official art. Next virtual event is on the calendar and you're invited to join me and a whole crowd of bosses for the guided by intuition gathering a three day event happening in October that's focused on helping you connect with your intuition and use some magical tools like Tarot crystals and astrology to take aligned action, and your business. I know that so many of you are here because for years, we've walked the line between what we call the woowoo and the very practical business stuff. But honestly, apart from a couple of episodes with Taro experts, and whoo focused business owners that we've never really created content focused on guiding you and using magic in business. Well, now it's time because intuition and yes, magic are a part of how this business was built from strengthening relationships through setting intentions with the moon and pulling tarot cards to help make both big and small decisions and I know that many of you are into it. You want to know more about how to listen to those gut feelings how to create with the energies of the moon how to use Tarot to help you navigate goal setting and action taking. Every time I'm live with bosses, someone whips out some tarot cards, or someone pulls a crystal out of their pocket, or even in the being balls community. Our whoo channel is filled with some good, whoo, chatter. So we're doing it. Three days of panels, workshops and keynotes that will have you diving into connecting with yourself and using some woowoo tools to turn that connection into aligned action. I'll be joined by my friend and fellow balls Kelly, knight of modern mystic shop in Atlanta as a guest co host of this event, and a selection of boss experts who are not only in the know on following subtle energies to success, but also run businesses that make money and do good in the world. This event is happening on October 8, ninth and 10th and tickets are now available. And we have a VIP option that includes a whole day of masterminding with Kelly and me on October 12. That will leave you with a deeper connection with yourself and with your fellow bosses with a focus on bringing your intuition and to how you make decisions in your business along with practical support to Kelly and I are so excited to dive in. You can learn more and snag your ticket at being boss club slash gathering or via the link in the show notes. And in the event that this event it feels like a red flag that I've gone off the rails and the practical business heart of being boss has been drained dry by a vampire. Don't fret, it's one event. But if talk of terror or intuition does make your skin crawl, I can promise you you're not in the right place. Next up with this being the new era of being boss, you'll soon see changes happening in the being boss podcast feed We're going to be doing them slowly but changes are happening. So let me fill you in here, we've already begun moving our old episodes to a whole new field called being boss archives, which you can find wherever you're listening to this episode. So if you find yourself lost as you listen through our backlog, or if you can't find your favorite episode, it's here. It just may have been migrated to that new feed already. Or you will always be able to find all of our episodes on our easily searchable website at beingboss.club.

Emily Thompson 6:32
And finally, Being Boss is coming to YouTube. So if you're a fan of that platform, please head on over to YouTube search being boss and subscribe to our channel. We'll start sharing more content there very soon. Now, legit. Let's get in on the meat of this conversation.

Emily Thompson 6:59
So You're a creative or a side hustler or a business owner or an entrepreneur or maybe you're an intrapreneur or in some other way identify with this message of being boss, which means you're likely feeling at least a little alone your year because you have an idea or a skill set or a goal that has you taking a not super usual path. And while some people find that uniqueness that individuality completely exhilarating, others definitely find it. We'll call it daunting, even lonesome. Actually, even those of us who find it exhilarating, absolutely still sometimes find it lonely. It cannot be escaped.

Emily Thompson 7:44
Even I am here doing this episode my first episode after consciously uncoupling from my partner here being boss. I for the first time ever in this brand, feel alone.

Emily Thompson 7:56
I'm setting the vision alone. I'm making the decisions alone. I'm doing the work. alone. Okay, maybe not really without when I do have a team but like I said earlier being the boss is inherently a lonely position. But I'm also no stranger to being the boss by myself. for almost a decade before I started being Boss, I ran a web design agency without a partner. For a while I ran my company Almanac supply co alone before bringing on my life partner, David as my business partner there. But it has been a while since I've run a business by myself. So I'm feeling it I'm feeling kind of alone. And I thought what better way to kick off this new era of being boss then was sharing with you how it is that I am navigating these lonely feelings more or less in real time because loneliness can be the most pungent ingredient and the recipe for destruction in your boss journey. Why? Because working alone can feel demoralizing, which shows up as you losing your excitement or your passion in your work. Maybe began for getting the discipline to run through the habits and routines that you set up to help you find success. And you're almost definitely feeling less confident in your decisions and your actions.

Emily Thompson 9:14
This loneliness actually strips away the key characteristics and abilities that enable you to do the work. It does this because when you're alone, you don't have a sounding board. You don't have that person to bounce your ideas off of. You don't have a boss holding you accountable. If you need one of those to hold you accountable. And you don't have a coworker high fiving you when you do something great. You may not even have a friend who understands what the hell it is that you're talking about. When you want to share the news about your email conversion rates. You just have you so you have to learn to be your own best friend. Because I know that it's not just being alone in your business. As a creative or a business owner. You're often also alone in your family. Or in your peer group or in your community. And the realm of professions being self employed is still a minority, though I am quite glad to see it becoming more and more normalized. So, let's talk about having your own back. And to help me get you a well rounded set of tips and examples, I asked bosses in the being boss community to share with me how they picked themselves up. So as I navigate this topic here for myself, I will also be peppering in some of their insights and what I'm sharing too, because I recognize this as being some of the most foundational work you can do, being boss is believing that you've got this. And as a creative or a small business owner or whatever, you are the pinnacle of support and your business without you Without your own well being your own passion, you'll make none of the impact that you want to make. So let's dive in. I've come up with a couple of sort of buckets of information that I want to share here. And the first two things on my list are baby steps. They're sort of the, the foundation that you lay in order to truly support yourself. It lays the groundwork for the basic mindsets that you must have to really have your own back. And the first one is practicing gratitude. And I know that that feels so overdone right now it kind of even makes me tired just saying it to you now. But you're here because you want more satisfaction in your life. You are here on this boss journey. This is the reason why you decided to embark on this boss journey. It's for more satisfaction is not for the health care. Right? It's for satisfaction, and fulfillment. And satisfaction comes when you fulfill a goal. But oftentimes bosses are so tied up and doing the work that they don't stop. Look around and feel the satisfaction when achievement happens. We'll get to that a little more in a minute. But I also know this to be so very true. Because every time we do our CEO day kit with a group of bosses and we've done it, I've done it with hundreds of bosses at this point, maybe over 1000. Maybe I'll run those numbers one day.

Emily Thompson 12:25
We do this exercise called the change cycle. And one of the parts of the change cycle is this phase in evolution and doing the work where you stop and you rejoice, right, you enjoy the fruits of your labor, you celebrate, and no boss ever gets stuck there. If anything, we just fly over that change that part of the change cycle over and over again. We all do it. But it's very important to stop and feel that satisfied. What it is that you're doing. And it's important because when you're working for yourself, you start working in a bubble. I mean, raise your hand if you've ever forgotten to take a lunch break. I do this all the time. If I didn't have a kid I'd probably never eat. I'd wake up on Monday morning and basically work non stop until Friday evening without ever showering or eating if I didn't have a family. Why? Because I love my work. And I don't have a lot of other cues to get me to clock out for a lunch break. I just put my head down, and I do the work. But a daily or a weekly gratitude practice will actually begin training you to stop and look around if you prompt yourself every day to be grateful. you're practicing mindfulness and awareness that links gratitude and satisfaction. With this practice, it is actually for sure more than my kid wanting dinner that keeps me from working. 20 471 of the things that I'm constantly grateful for is my house. I love my house. It's cute, and it's cosy and I love being in it. And because of that, I don't need a cue from my co workers than clocking out at the end of the day for me to clock out. I just remember that I have a front porch and it's calling me and I need to be there. And when I'm sitting out there, I'm so aware of the work that I've done to afford me my house and this front porch. And that gears me up to get back to work the next day. So this gratitude practice really does instill in you these little reminders to stop and look around and feel the satisfaction because that feeling of satisfaction comes with recognition. And recognition is what a gratitude practice flexes.

Emily Thompson 14:48
So, first, start a gratitude practice. And this can look as simple as at the beginning of every day or at the end of every day. Maybe you are writing a little you know bullet list. Little bulleted list of what it is that you're grateful for them. Maybe it's just something that you do mindfully every morning when you first wake up, you just do it in your head, you don't even have to write it down. Maybe it's something that you're keeping on your computer, all of my Thai Bay people who like to like keep files of everything, whatever it may be, do it in a way that works best for you just start a daily or weekly, but preferably daily gratitude practice, it will serve you so much further than just those little moments of recognition and really train your brain to celebrate all the things that you've done. Next up is that second sort of foundational piece and that is controlling the negative self talk. And I do know that this one is way easier said than done. But I also know that it can be managed, and you can't be your biggest cheerleader if you're being mean to yourself basically to your face. Honestly, I never struggled with negative self talk. Until burnout, which is something that we've talked about in past episodes, at which time I was introduced to just how much of a bitch I could be myself was not cute. And at the time, I kind of just thought it was a symptom of burnout. And maybe it was, but it also turned into a habit. Because as I came out of burnout, I was appalled at how it didn't just go away. I was still being a bitch to myself. So I had to mindfully work to first notice it, and second, being nicer to myself.

Emily Thompson 16:33
Now, it does still come up. But I also recognize that it's not a habit anymore. Instead, I recognize that now it's a symptom of something bigger happening in my life. negative self talk always comes up for me whenever my energy is severely depleted, and I really need to take a rest and my first sight my first thought, whenever I hear these things in my head, is whoo I'm tired. Right and I need to rest Also comes up with my calendar is too crazy, also a piece of that being tired and it's a sign that I need to tighten up my boundaries. It also comes up whenever I feel my body is out of whack, maybe I'm just cold, or I'm really hungry, slash hangry. And I just need to take care of myself. Whatever it is, I've recognized that it is a symptom of something bigger and it cues me into action to better take care of myself. Because I know that negative self talk literally does zero, good. But I also know that for many, it's not a symptom. It's maybe how you're wired, but you can rewire and the first step is to be mindful of it. I do want to bring up this really great story from Jolinda Smithson, who is in the community is she's an artist and designer. And she says that working out and seeing her body do hard things helps her and apparently it doesn't have to be anything big like running a marathon. It can just be as Bullet push ups. She says that every time she does them, she thinks back to how she used to feel really weak at them. And now she thinks I am such a badass bitch while she does them and even looks forward to them in her workouts. That is where we're trying to take our self talk. And to flip the script on yourself. I love this mindset shift from Deanna joy Spencer, an educator and content creator in the community.

Emily Thompson 18:27
She asked herself What if everything is working out exactly as it should? She goes on to share. I feel my nervous system relax as the silver lining of everything I've been resisting comes flooding in. I often find the lessons and solutions and the answers I receive. Ultimately, it shifts my being into a place of trust. How's that for a mindset shift? And basically everything that follows sort of these two Who beginner sort of mindset foundational setting little practices, creates a positive feedback loop for eradicating the self, the negative self talk.

Emily Thompson 19:13
So you're going to begin being mindful of it, you're going to do all the things that I'm about to tell you. And what will actually happen is you'll have less less negative self talk, which will help you do more of the things that follow which will result and even less negative self talk. I think you see how this is going. It's all connected. So for now, I'll just say to start being mindful of it. And to practice some serious mindfulness around your thoughts and to take you further into rewiring. I cannot recommend enough the self coaching model presented in self coaching 101, which is a book by Brooke Castillo, who has been on the guest on being bossed a couple of times before and it will be sure to include a link to that book and the Show Notes.

Emily Thompson 20:08
Okay, next one is a little more practical. So we did those like big mindset ones. Now some practicality. And this one is going to be very different for every one though there is like this blanket idea and that is you have to set yourself up for success. You have to be mindful, you have to know yourself. One of those like core tenants of being bosses, being bosses, owning who you are, knowing what you want and actually making it happen, right. It's like a simple definition of what it is that we are all doing here but you can't own who you are, if you don't know who you are. So start with some some mindfulness, know what you need to set yourself up for success. So personally, I need a lot of sleep, like a lot of sleep and maybe not like me. Don't need like 12 hours a night, nothing too crazy, but I really need a good eight, nine hours every night. And so if I'm not getting that, I know that nothing I do is going to be as great as it could be. So I make sure that I'm prioritizing lots of sleep, maybe that's your jam, maybe it's not. key here is I know myself and I know that's something that I need. Likewise, it may be you need to be super conscious of what sort of eating situation you have for yourself. Maybe you'd need three square meals in a day. Maybe you need five maybe you need like 20 little meals, whatever it is, how are you fueling yourself and is that going to be setting you up for success? Also your working situation? Do you need a standing desk? Do you need an extra squishy chair? Do you need a couple of workspaces so that you can sort of move around during the day personally confer that I need a view, which is real weird, maybe, but it helps and doesn't have to be much of one I love that I live in, in sort of the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. And so I'm not surrounded by big mountains but I do have some like smaller heli, heli, hilly smaller Hill mountains around me. And whether I'm working at my office, the the being boss office office, or if I'm working at my office at home, no matter where I am, I can see out my windows just a hint of one of those hills in the distance is not a Grand View. It'd be great if it were a Grand View, but I need to be able to see something. And I found this out whenever I found this out over the years every time I position my workspace, so that I'm against a wall I get real and like even as I'm saying this I'm like putting my hands up by my like, I almost can't even deal can't even do, I start getting very claustrophobic. I start getting very tense, I have a really hard time focusing. So for me, it's understanding myself enough to know that I need to reposition my desk so that I'm not looking at a wall. And it is really very best if I can see something in the distance because even literally, as I'm saying this, I am looking out at these mountains because as I'm processing thoughts, I look to the distance as I am having phone calls, having conversations, as I am sharing these things with you. I am just the kind of person I don't know what kind of person that is, but I need to look out in the distance in order to be my best self, I suppose. Literally, as I'm saying this, like my hands are up in the air. I'm looking at these mountains, and I probably look completely ridiculous, but I know myself and I'm fine with that.

Emily Thompson 24:00
And that also sort of brings me into thinking about your workspace, right. So really setting yourself up to show up at work to do the work that's going to get you to those successes, that's going to make you feel great so that you're talking less shit to yourself so that you're doing better work and like keeping that keeping that positive feedback loop moving forward. Think about your workspace and prioritize that. We're going to be talking about that a little bit more in later on in this episode, but that is a key here for setting yourself up for success. This also may be I'm talking very like physical space here, but it could also be related to your own mental health and to your own physical health, which I talked about just a bit a moment ago. It could be making sure that your relationships with the people that you work with your vendors, your clients, your customers, your team, all those people are pleasant enough that you can do the work. Do what you need to do consistent And proactively do the work that you need to do to consistently and proactively set yourself up for success. That is like the behind the scenes journey, basically, of every bosses, you're not only moving forward, but you're also positioning yourself within this space to move forward. I will say to a couple of bosses in the community also mentioned that surrounding yourself with mantras or affirmations can also be really great reminders when you're in a slump. So that can be helpful too. I personally have a piece of artwork turning around looking behind me on the shelf in my office that says creativity is a fucking work ethic.

Emily Thompson 25:44
And I love it. I completely love it. I think about this all the time whenever. I can't call myself a creative entrepreneur unless I am willing to show up and do the work. So whatever, whatever it is that whatever it is that you need to be reminded of put those reminders Your life in your workspace so that you are getting what you need you like old you is setting now you up for success.

Emily Thompson 26:15
So we're talking about working alone today, but I know that the fact of the matter is that a lot of you have a team or if you don't, you're thinking about it. And it's likely that the dreaded payroll is standing in the way of you taking that next step. Calculating taxes deductions compliance, that's not easy, unless of course, you have gusto. gusto is a simple online payroll and benefits system built for small businesses. It automatically files your payroll taxes and directly deposits your team's pay. Plus, you can offer all kinds of benefits, like 401 K's health insurance workers comp and more. Sign up now and get three months free once you run your first payroll. Good. gusto.com/beingboss, that's gusto.com/beingboss.

Emily Thompson 27:12
Okay, so we have some more practical things to think about to talk about to work through. And this one, I had some really great input from the community on. So I'm excited to dive into this one. And this one I'm going to call create proof. In the past lots of interviews that I've done, people are always asking me, how do you get over 40 feelings? How do you keep moving forward? How do you how how do you maintain your like ability to be an entrepreneur after a decade all of these things? And my usual answer is look for proof, right? To look at past accomplishments, to find the proof that you can do hard things. I'm going to elevate that a little bit with this one and say you need to create or gather proof. Don't just look for it, create it and gather it, so that it Again, old you passed you is setting now you have versus as you gathered this proof so that now you if you need a little pick me up has it at your fingertips. You don't have to look for it, there's no action you just have to. To access it. There's no like looking, finding it you just look at it, which I said is you know what I mean? You know what I mean here. So, this is really important because it is easy to not even realize what all you have accomplished.

Emily Thompson 28:37
It's so easy not even to understand how many days in a row you have shown up to do the work, how many clients you have serviced and off boarded happily, how many amazing projects you have completed, how many gorgeous pieces of art you have completed and sold. It is so easy to not even realize what all you've created. But by collecting proof all along the way, by gathering it, you are putting it in one place so that you can access it when you need it.

Emily Thompson 29:12
So, we're going to talk about systemising, creating that proof and just as importantly, reviewing it, and this can look a couple of different ways. One is you need to keep a to do list. I think that's just really great time and project management skills. But keep it and review it. So you're going to keep your to do list and you're going to see how much you're checking off. Meg McConnell, who is a graphic and web designer in the community seconds this tactic, saying that the simple act of crossing the items off her to do list delivers satisfaction, and I agree with this, there's nothing more satisfying than going and marking off all the things on your to do list. I also highly recommend keeping a goal list And referring back to it often. Joe Linda, who is the boss of those pushups I mentioned a minute ago, does this bullet journal style so that she can see it visually as a creative, a lot of us need to see things very visually. However, I personally do this and notion, which is also very visual, but also very techie, which works really well for me, so that so that I'm able to reference it Wherever I am, I can just pull it up on my phone. And when it comes to checking back in Gabrielle blades, who is a branding and print designer in the community, I love this guy's she checks in every new year and on her birthday, which for her lies six months apart, to reflect on the things that she's proud of accomplishing both professionally and personally. So you're going to keep this goal less and you're going to go back to it. I also do this very much. So in a business sense also with the notion you can literally do this anywhere around the projects that I want to complete in my business. You can do this For client projects, maybe you've designed, you know, five websites in the past quarter, or inside your business, maybe you created that new offering, maybe you created that new product, maybe you finally launched that website, whatever it may be. And as I'm keeping these projects proactively for planning ahead, I can also reflect on them as I move past them to see all the things that I've accomplished in my business.

Emily Thompson 31:26
I also I wish I just got paid like 50 bucks every time I mentioned this one, but you need to track your time, not only so that you can better control it but so that you can use it as proof of showing. Especially some baby bosses out there and I say be bosses because you call yourself baby bosses. You coined that phrase, not me. But I think you those of you who are in it can relate. often have a hard time one either making themselves show up. Or Honestly, this is all the bosses have a hard time recognizing just how much work they are putting in. Whenever you track your time, there's no question. This is an act of consistently gathering this proof so that one day you can sit down and go, Oh, I did actually spend 30 hours working. In my notes on on my business, I always get those mixed up on my business this month, as opposed to in it, which for most bosses is the goal. You want to work on it not just on client projects, not just packaging those orders, but actually moving your business forward. You may not even recognize how much you are or are not doing if you're tracking your time. One of my very favorite pieces of time tracking that I've done in the past has been around writing the being boss book, I time tracked every bit of writing that I did on that book, and when I was done sure I have a manuscript or even a finished product. But I can also go and see over these months I put so many hours into into this project, it is proof of showing up and doing the work. And I'm not even going to get into literally all the other reasons you should do that. If you're in the beam boss community, showing up on Monday meetups, like this comes up once every two months or so. I'm always in there giving my spiel, it's very important.

Emily Thompson 33:29
Next up, is keeping a portfolio. This is another really sort of easy way. And we've kind of touched on this a little bit, but it's a little bit different, a easy way for you to gather this proof for yourself. Keep a portfolio of the projects that you've completed, not only for marketing purposes, yes, they're absolutely some uses there, but also very much so for your own proof so that whenever you're having one of those days, you're like, Oh, I'm an awful designer right? This t is not like setting right in this word like we all have those moments, it's fine. You can go back and see no I've launched amazing projects I've done amazing work. I do know how color works, whatever it may be, you have this proof. Not only that you can do great work that you have, you will do great work but it also will show you your journey and getting better and this proof that by showing up and doing the work you are continually improving your skills as well. I also want to throw in here that a sandy Connor who is a Boston community who owns a strategic communications consultancy says that revisiting client worker projects reminds her of her gifts and responsibility to share it to the world.

Emily Thompson 34:48
Absolutely, yes. And she also reads her favorite quotes or thank you notes. So you should also consider keeping these things for easy access to And I'd also definitely put customer testimonials on that list as well. Again, great for marketing in closing those clients 100% also really great for a pick me up. So you know, one of the things that I actually haven't done in this office but in our in my old design studio, we have this pegboard that we kept all of our client thank you notes on and if we were ever having a bad day or something wasn't going right or maybe didn't have a dreamy client, and we thought that we were awful, we didn't know how to do our jobs or whatever it may be. We had this proof sitting there hanging on the wall looking at us in the face. And sometimes that's enough but sometimes you also need to get up and read them. So all of this is say as you are showing up as you are doing the work you are creating proof. You also need to gather it so that future you and that moment of need has easy access to the proof that they need in order to pick back up and keep going

Emily Thompson 36:07
Okay, next one is kind of a big one. We've talked about this plenty of times, it always requires a bit of a revisit. And this is celebrating your wins. And it's celebrating your wins by yourself. I think that's like step one, because we aren't talking about doing this alone, right? It's we're talking about what it feels like to show up by yourself to do this work. And you have to learn to feel so low satisfaction, and I'm not by any means saying that you should not share with a friend. I think you'll you'll definitely hear more about that in a second. I'm not saying that. You know, sharing your your accomplishments with others doesn't actually heightened your own feeling of satisfaction because Does, but it's also very important for you just to feel your own pleasure with yourself. It's the word that's coming to mind. But why not? Let's use that one. It's important to feel satisfaction alone period.

Emily Thompson 37:21
So we're gonna talk about celebrating wins for real for real celebrating wins, and otherwise rewarding yourself. And not just for big things but also for small things. So I think the easiest one err is just treating yourself to mark your accomplishments with a treat big or small. Kim Tao who is a Boston community who owns a design studio and a magazine called SAS magazine, you should totally go check it out, says that she will treat herself to something as simple as reading and reading outside for an hour on a day when she gets something specific done or To a piece of chocolate, which she's totally a boss after my own heart. Meg, who liked checking off to do list earlier shared that getting out of the house and snagging an ice tea from a drive thru as her version of a daily reward for doing the work. And I know there's a whole thing about using food as a reward. So please watch your triggers here. But for some of us, it works. I personally engage in the chocolate reward. Or maybe it's not even a reward. I think it's probably a daily ritual because or even like, even if it's a bad day, I'm so gonna have my chocolate.

Emily Thompson 38:39
It's hard to tell what I'd like to call it. But I do also love celebrating wins with a meal out with my partner or my friends, though that is sort of sharing so maybe we just hold that one till later. Or a nice cocktail or a bottle of wine again, maybe not drinking alone. But it is treating yourself to Little things that bring you joy. And I also like celebrating with things that are less consumable too. Because when you consume something, you can see when it's gone, right. But if you are celebrating with things that stick around, it's not only a celebration this moment, but it also acts as a reminder for years of that thing that you accomplish. And the being boss book we wrote about how we've always liked to celebrate wins with jewelry, with little mementos that we can wait where and we could remember that thing absolutely forever. I personally have a collection of rings that I've purchased over the over the years in New Orleans, and I've purchased them to celebrate the wins of each of our vacations and completing the being boss book shoot. So for every vacation I have this ring that every time I put it on, I remember that vacation or the being boss book shoot. And these are some of my favorite pieces of jewelry. And each one of them is less than 100 bucks. They're just like chunks of mineral like I have an amethyst one. I have a Merlin night one, I have one that has like a really cool chunk of meteorite in it. And they're just set in sterling silver, so nothing crazy fancy. And every time I wear them, they remind me of not only the hard work and the accomplishments, but all of the memories around those events as well. And of course, you can celebrate with more usable items too, which kind of leads us to a future point as well. But an example of this is how I celebrated becoming 100%, owner of being boss by treating myself to investing in a top shelf microphone and some upgrades around my office space. And now every time I walk into my office or sit down to record, I'm reminded of my accomplishments and I feel this like little energetic pat on the back. Because that's really what setting all of these things up for is that you your entire life becomes this celebration of you. doing your work.

Emily Thompson 41:02
And I'm not going to feel guilty about that statement literally at all, I think and here's why, because it will fuel you, it will fuel you to keep going. But I also have to share this little tidbit because if you really want to do this like a boss, if you really want to treat yourself you need to take note of these tactics by Sally netherwood who is a leadership coach and the community a Sally likes to celebrate her wins before they happen. What she says that if there's a business opportunity that she wants to nail down, she will spend a little bit of money to draw the deal through the energetic flow of money demonstrates confidence in herself and in her belief that she can do this. Now that is some next level like a manifestation and celebration, for sure. So whether you Treat yourself with a little bit of extra time. Like Kim and reading her book outside or a piece of chocolate, like me and Kim or, or if it is a piece of jewelry or is a an investment in your life or work, whatever it may be learn to celebrate, learn to pat yourself on the back learn to see the worthiness of your accomplishments and how they turn into bettering your life. A couple of months ago, I took my took on this little project. And one of the things it was going to be difficult I knew it was going to be and one of the ways that I sort of talked myself into taking it was really thinking about how I was going to celebrate whenever I was done and I remember having a conversation with David with my partner, my life and business partner David, and I told him I will do this project but I want it to make my life better. Right, I don't want to just take this and have some money in the bank or pay more Donner house though those things are very, very important.

Emily Thompson 43:10
I want to feel an impact on my life by doing these, this thing. So in that celebrating has even become a part of my decision making. And it affects my decision making because I've made such a mindset shift into that being part of the process, that I'm literally kind of thinking about our first and not quite like Sally, who's really taking it next level. But, but there is something there to really coming to terms with really accepting with really making it a part of the process, that you are not only going to, in that moment, feel the satisfaction which we talked about with a gratitude practice and that's definitely part of it, but it will actually result in an action that is celebration and It should be something that you do that you can do alone. And then also you can share it, but you can also get satisfaction by doing it alone. I am actually even recalling another one of the things that I like to do is buy plants and I feel like that's probably something a lot of people could relate to right now. Right I have multiple plans. I'm sitting here in my office looking around at multiple plants that I also have around my office and I'm talking minimal investment of money though obviously it lifelong investment of time and energy. But plants that have marked moments as well I have a couple of plants. Looking at one in particular I have this beautiful I call them patos but I think I've heard other people pronounce it differently that I got whenever I got this office space and it is beautiful actually just repotted it before recording this episode. I repotted it. Bye, guys. It has grown so much in the months that we've moved here or months since we've moved here. And it is this like little constant reminder. So all that to say, and that's not anything I'm sharing with anyone you guys even know that I bought this plant, I don't share this plant. This plant is my plant. This is a little celebration that I had all alone by myself making this move of getting this little like renting this little piece of real estate. I got a plant so there are things that you can do and you absolutely should do them. And the next level of this is really sharing with a boss friend, or sharing with anyone literally anyone I talked about how I like to share meals with people to celebrate a cocktail, a bottle of wine call over a boss friend, socially distanced or in your bubble, to share a glass of wine, a bottle of wine, whatever it may be. Because the best celebrating really does happen when someone can join in but I do think that this really Only works at its peak, when you also have the ability to celebrate alone and be content with that to really feel that celebration within yourself, if you're by yourself. So even though we are talking about being your own cheerleader, it doesn't mean that you have to do this alone, either, which we'll talk more about in a second. You just also have to be able to do it alone and be satisfied as well.

Emily Thompson 46:24
The last piece of this is investing in yourself, which we talked about a little bit, but I want to go a little bit deeper, because this is also very important. There is like celebratory, you know, buying yourself a piece of jewelry or, you know, a plant, whatever. Those are kind of investments. I mean, you don't have to tell me that buying a rock from my finger isn't an investment. But it's not the same as buying an adornment isn't really a hardcore investment in your future. I know that that may be a little bit of a gray line, but trust me, I'm talking about a little more serious of an invest But with this, and I'm talking about an investment in multiple forms time, money and or energy, it's not just money. It's not just I mean, feel like that's the easiest one for me like, Okay, I'm just going to spend money on myself. That's great. What about time? You know, what is? What if you were to invest in your own physical mental well being by taking off a whole week? Have you invested that in yourself? lately? Maybe, maybe not. or energy? How about you know, finally investing in and doing some work that you want to do? We've been doing a lot of investing in our home, over quarantine. Not a ton. We've actually, for the first time since we moved into our house five years ago, we're finally able to do the fund investing so for five years, it's been investing things like gutters, and a roof and hot water heater, and you know, kind of lame things. Very fun ish. Good things that have definitely made my life in the house better, but not like joyous.

Emily Thompson 48:06
We finally made it to a place where we can start investing in some, some more fun things and it has taken a lot of energy for us to you know, lay a new flagstone patio that was absolutely tiresome time, money and energy to do those. also investing in tools, so the tools that you use to do your work or to live your life, I mentioned earlier how I made an investment in a really nice microphone. I'm not popping my PS anymore. I'm gonna laugh if that actually ended up popping. A really good tool for my work, maybe it's a new laptop, maybe city desk, maybe it is a new, a new camera, a new set of brushes, a new easel and the like. We can go on and new like pair of snippers suffer your Flowers, there's so many things that you could invest in that you may have been putting off because your laptop is fine, your printer is fine. But it would really elevate your ability to show up and do the work if you were to make these investments. And these tools, always also find that tools are the easiest ones to like, get over, right? Because they usually have somewhat of a return on investment, right? Sometimes it can be a very direct, directly calculable return on investment. But your tools, another really great way to invest in yourself is treating yourself like your number one client, right? So let's say you are a designer, or a developer or a photographer or you know all these things where you rarely turn your skills around on yourself. We've often talked about, you know, the cobbler has no shoes, right? Because he's so busy working to make shoes for everyone else that he's not making for himself, that is an investment. It's an investment of your own time, money and energy into doing the thing that you're great app for your self. Right? copywriting, designing, organizing, there are so many things that you could be doing for yourself and that is investing in yourself.

Emily Thompson 50:20
And they will say to you another one of these really important pieces of investing in yourself is that it is proof, right gathering proof here of your understanding of your own sense of worthiness. And it's really hard to work alone. When you don't think you're worthy of maybe even some basic investments. Right? It's like It's like your your cubicle partners. an ass or incompetent or not good enough or or whatever. It may be like you are your cubicle mate, right? You have to find yourself worthy you have to understand your worthiness and you have to invest in yourself so that you can continue growing you are worth the investment. And this happens is one of two places. It happens on the personal level where you need to take part in things or invest in things that give you energy. I mentioned mine is sleeping whenever I want that is time and not energy that is time that I am investing in myself every day, every night more than most people. I also have been taking lots of naps lately and literally no regrets no guilt whatsoever. That is time that I'm investing in myself. I also really love taking the time to read just for fun books. Back in the day. I like to invest in travel. For me that has always been something that's Give me that gives me a ton of I have energy. At the moment, it's investing in really good food. So organic fruits and vegetables, grass fed beef, the kinds of food that's going to make me feel really great. That's an investment of time, money and energy because I'm having to cook it. Right. And there is an investment that has to happen on a personal level so that you can really show up as your best. The next is to invest in yourself on a professional level. So talk about those new tools like a laptop or a microphone or an office space so that you can get out of your house and go work for once. Whatever it may be. It could be a new computer chair. How many people actually, I was recently shopping for a new computer chair. I left my computer chair in my office, obviously, while I was quarantining, so for three months, it sat what I didn't realize it was indirect sunlight. So whenever I came back the like first Leather sort of covering was flaking, it made a mess. It made a masses really itchy on my legs.

Emily Thompson 53:10
So I started looking around for buying a new office chair. And you basically can't buy office chairs right now. Everyone is buying office chairs, they were all out of stock. So maybe a new office chair, maybe you're the reason why I couldn't get one. Because you've already bought one, in which case high five, high five for investing yourself for seeing that worthiness for understanding that that tool would help you better do your job by being your own biggest cheerleader your own boss, right. Your boss would have walked in and be like, oh, that chair looks like crap. Do you need me one? Right, your boss would have prompted you getting a new chair, but you are being the boss of yourself. You're looking at that chair and going Oh, it's about time and investing in a chair on your own. Also another very important piece of investing is furthering your own education or otherwise getting a coach. Right. So thinking about how it is that you can better your brain, we've always talked about being bosses, about being a lifelong learner books, trainings, coaching, mentors, communities, masterminds, so many places where you can invest in furthering your own ability to show up and do whatever work you're here doing. And I'm hoping here that we can start, like start wrapping this up a little bit, because what I want you to realize is what all of this is about, it's about consistently working for yourself. Right? It's about being your own boss. Maybe that's what the title of this is. We always name these afterwards. And here's what I've been struggling with. There's like a million things I can name this is like how to be your own boss. Is that it? We'll see. You'll see Whenever we get there if that one made the final cut, but it is all about creating, surrounding yourself with little reminders, it's gathering that proof. It's making sure the tools that you use are, are going to actually help you. Like how many times have you walked over to that broken printer and gone like, Oh, just simple as that, like, remind yourself that you are taking care of yourself by taking care of yourself so that every time we go over that printer and print, you're like, Yeah, I did this, right, that little shift, that little shift can change everything because like I said earlier, all of these things, create positive feedback loops. Once you get going, they will just spiral into each other. That will lead you further and further into success without the help of anyone else to get you there without a boss holding you accountable without that coworker high fiving you without any one there to hold you out because you're holding yourself up. I thought so in that I feel like I've given you Dozens of ways to better support yourself. And each one of those comes first. You have to you have to be able to do this alone to really be able to do it alone. But once you can do that, you can add people to it but being boss is it being self reliant and in as many ways as you possibly can. And then it is surrounding yourself with people who can and will support you too. And a recent conversation in the community. We talked about the multiple circles of support, you have these layers or I call them circles of support that you as a boss should create around you. I see them as like concentric circles where like, the circles closest to you are the people who are closest to you, you know, those people that you can literally talk to about anything and then it goes out from there.

Emily Thompson 56:50
And you know, what you can go to, with each of these people with each of these circles, and it's also variable Important to release anyone who doesn't fit into a specific circle from that responsibility. So let's say you have a best friend who you can't talk business with, that's fine. Keep that friend in your friend circle, and come to terms with that with the fact that they will not overlap into your business circle, right. And then cultivate also relationships with people to put in your business circle, so that you can have support there too. You can have separate people in separate circles. You also have people who will sort of bounce around between circles. But you have to you have to fill those circles with people who will support you. And that will only very effectively happen if you can also support yourself because and then let's talk about this sort of business circle because from business besties, and your Instagram pals, to your mentors and coaches, it is important to once you can support yourself or really at the same time you can do all of these things at the same Time, you can make connections with people who can supplement your strengths and who can also cheer you on along the way. And remember is only truly effective, it only really works if you're also great at cheering yourself on too. And I will say that after going through all of this after talking to the community, about ways that they can cheer themselves up to I want the amount of flapping that I just did with my arms.

Emily Thompson 58:29
I can definitely tell you that I think I'm going to be okay. I think I'm probably actually going to be great doing these episodes, occasionally, all by myself. And I do know that with my circles of support, whether it is my mastermind group, my business besties definitely my team, with the people who are in my business circles of support, I'm not alone. Right. It's just a feeling. And past me has definitely done so many things to set now me up for success. And with that, I'm able to just show up and do the work. Now I will begin wrapping this up and though it was not my direct intention here, I think the being boss community has done a great job here at showing you just how supportive they are to, from sharing tips on being your own biggest fan to workshopping hiring new members of your team and a gazillion things in between. Our community of bosses is a circle of business support just waiting for you to plug yourself into it. And they'll lead by example, as they show up to share their wins and put their heads down to do the work. You can join in on so many conversations or strike one up on your own by going to being boss club slash community. And until next time, do the work. Be boss.