Redefining Good Enough with Carrie Severson

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[00:00:41] Emily Thompson: Welcome to Being Boss podcast for creatives, business owners and entrepreneurs who want to take control of their work and live life on their own terms. I'm your host, Emily Thompson. And in this episode, I'm joined by author, Carrie Severson to talk about what it is to feel enough redefining success and recovering from burnout.

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[00:01:58] Carrie Severson is the author of Unapologetically Enough: Reshaping Success and Self-Love, and she's the boss behind the Unapologetic Voice House. A hybrid book publishing business launched in 2019.

[00:02:11] Carrie welcome to Being Boss.

[00:02:13] Carrie Severson: Hi, I'm excited. Thanks for having me.

[00:02:16] Emily Thompson: Of course. I'm excited to have you. I always am thrilled.

[00:02:19] When, when an OG boss, you were just mentioning how you did a blog post for us back in 2016, how, an old school boss sort of circles back around and has done something really cool. So, congrats on the thing we're going to talk about today, but I also would just want to hear your story with maybe a highlight on what you were doing in 2016.

[00:02:44] And what you've been doing since then. So open us up with telling us your story. How did you get to where you are today?

[00:02:50] Carrie Severson: Well, so in 2016, first of all, I'm a professional writer. I am a hybrid publisher. I'm an entrepreneur in 2016. I had just sort of come out of the darkness of burnout and, My first entrepreneurship experience was a nonprofit I launched in 2011.

[00:03:09] It caught on fire. I took off running literally or figuratively figured

[00:03:15] simply sorry. Okay. It was a bullying solutions organization for young girls in the like peak of girl on girl bullying. Yeah. So I took off running at a super fast pace. Couldn't keep up with the demand and burnout. And when I went back to my roots of storytelling to sort of recover from burnout and, like most magical things do happen in my life.

[00:03:40] It happened, I happened to be at a party and like Santa Monica met this woman. She's like, so tell me what you do. And I'm like, well, I am actually a writer and recovering from burnout. And she was with Huffington post at the time. And she's like, oh my gosh, you have to write about. So in 2016, I was actually writing about my burnout experience and helping women around the world, pull their stories out of their closets and find platforms to get published.

[00:04:08] So I had a little storytelling business that I grew and that's what I was doing. I was helping women around the world, tell their story. And get published doing it. So, and that led to me finding the guts to put a book, a book together. And I started pitching agents consistently being compared to really big writers with really big platforms.

[00:04:34] And because I didn't have those things or wasn't comparable, I was always being passed up. So, how I landed here today, I actually in 2019, decided to create my own publishing business called the unapologetic boy's house. And, I that's what I do. I actually publish other people's work and, decided, this is the year we're going to tell my story.

[00:05:02] So that's where I'm at. Whereabouts publish my book.

[00:05:06] Emily Thompson: Yeah. Congratulations. This is so interesting because being burned out, I guess 20 14, 20 15 sounds about the time that that that was happening. I mean, it was kind of before burnout was cool, not that cool, but it is, it's such a, such a buzz word right now.

[00:05:28] I mean, over the course of the past two years in particular, everyone has sort of hit their wall right. Of like, I have no more energy for this. I need to take care of myself. It is dark and scary. So you were experiencing this years ago and you mentioned magic of indigo. I think there's a bit of magic in that it happened

[00:05:48] seven eight years ago. And you've been putting this book together and it's coming out now when the world is probably most ready to receive such a book. Whereas if this had come out in 20 18, 20 19 was burnout, like, who's, this is this about, but now everyone's like scrambling to figure out burnout because everyone's feeling it.

[00:06:05] Carrie Severson: Yeah. Yeah. It was crazy. I, yeah, I actually woke up on my 35th birthday and, When you're, when you have an intuition in, you're in tune with your intuition, you'll get like random messages. And I woke up on my 35th birthday and the first thing I heard was burnout. And like, I got that in my soul.

[00:06:25] Like that word flashed across my face. And I'm like, what is this? What does that mean? And I turned on my phone and typed in burnout in the search engine and all of these things just flashed before me. And I was like, I can recognize all of that. I know exactly what that feels like being emotionally drained, being psychologically, just put out and feeling energetically fried.

[00:06:50] I know exactly what that feels like. And so that was this term. I was like, I think this is what I'm experiencing. And, yeah, I went into hiding. Would I, I was running a nonprofit at the time and I put all of my responsibilities onto the board and I was like, I need to heal. And I took eight weeks and I sat in my, I went back home to where I grew up, was grateful for some support financially and sat in my.

[00:07:22] The deck of my childhood home and just waited to like, feel better and that's in work. You just can't sit and wait for stuff to change. Right. So I, I would wait to hear something or feel something and I would write it out. Yeah, I went through a process of like feeling an emotion, writing out how, why I felt that, and just kept on digging and digging and digging and writing it all out until the point where it was like, I have to find some boundaries.

[00:07:51] I have to make an effort to feel happy. I have to change the cycle and slowly started to pull myself out of the rat race of being in the center of everything and doing everything myself to pushing responsibilities out to literally flipping the way the nonprofit was doing business. I mean, it took effort to move out of that space.

[00:08:15] Yeah, it was, it was, the feeling of burnout is like you're, being statue, like, like my energy was just like constantly frayed and always on alert. I didn't, I couldn't, my shoulders were up in my ears. My back was always tense. I had physical, I was like 50 pounds heavier. And I just could not catch a breath.

[00:08:44] I could not relax. I could not find my grounding, my like center, my core. It was awful. So I have total sympathy for people that are experiencing it now, because I know exactly what that's like.

[00:08:58] Emily Thompson: Yeah. And you even hit on something here because I don't know how connected you've stayed to Being Boss over the past couple of years, but Kathleen and I went through about an 18 month situation of burnout as well, very dark, very difficult, all the things that you're saying totally resonate with.

[00:09:15] And one of the things that you said there brought something up for me that I hadn't. Piece together, but as something that I think is really important for pointing it out of like getting yourself through burnout, because I too found myself just like sitting there and waiting. And for me, I was waiting for the man.

[00:09:31] I was waiting for the word to fly across my, my mind. I was waiting for that, like divine inspiration to be like, here's the solution to your problem. Totally. Right. And it never really happened that way. Well, actually it's a light. It finally did happen that way, but only after. I started doing some hardcore work around it.

[00:09:50] This is the thing that really just the light bulb that came on for me is this idea that you do have to dismantle so many things around how you are currently showing up and doing your work and living and conversing with people and holding space for your relationships and all of these things. And I remember for me in particular, one of the things that came up for me during burnout was like insane.

[00:10:11] Negative self-talk. In a way that I have never personally experienced until I was like in the depths of burnout. And I had to do some hardcore work of like checking myself consistently and dismantling those sorts of processes, in the spiraling that happens there. And then it happens through obviously doing all kinds of things outwardly as well.

[00:10:32] But there is this, there is a certain. Amount of the large, certain amount of work that does have to be done to fix so many things in your life to better support you for getting out of burnout and putting yourself in a place where you're not just going to fall right back into it.

[00:10:49] Carrie Severson: Yep. For me, it was, so the concept of enough was really big, especially in the nonprofit world, you're constantly fighting for dollars. A lot of other people are fighting for you're constantly having to prove yourself. And for me, it, I was always running, especially being in that section of girl on girl bullying when the whole world was talking about it, I went from being this one person shop to, literally talking to like producers of the Ellen show.

[00:11:20] I was in glamour. On USA network. It was huge. It really did grow, fast. And I was always saying, always writing down in my journal. It's never enough. It's never enough. I don't have enough. And enough was a negative connotation for me. And so my concept of success was related a whole, a hundred percent related to money and related to productivity and related to external validation.

[00:11:49] And those three things. Big ones for me to pull apart and piece together and re shape and redefine. And, it, that took a while. It really did it. Wasn't like an easy thing because I was so programmed to this plus I was like the face of the organization. I'm on TV, I'm on stage. But yeah, that, when I started to reshift all of these patterns, things started to really open up for me.

[00:12:18] And I finally found like the guts to like start writing about it. So in 20, I want to say I started writing for the Huffington post for like in like 2015 maybe. And that was my first piece I came out and I was like, I'm a recovered burnout, even though the concept of recovered, excuse me, is, an ongoing thing.

[00:12:39] I don't think it's so easy to fall back into that habit. I honestly feel like it's every covering process of me being consistently checking myself, making sure that I'm defining success on my own terms. I'm not letting anyone else's definition of being enough, feeling enough, get in my way, I'm holding strong boundaries.

[00:13:01] This is something I have to do like daily. So, yeah, it's rough. It's hard. I have so much, my heart hurts so badly for women who. Specifically for women who don't feel successful, are constantly questioning if they're doing enough. Yeah, it's, it's hard on these entrepreneur Being Boss street.

[00:13:29] Emily Thompson: Indeed. And D you have to have strong boundaries and you have to, all the things you just said, you have to know what your version of successes and not give a rat's ass about anyone else's. And like, all of, all of these things that you're saying are totally true. I want to go back to this, this enoughness because you just shared what it used to mean to you and how that was, bad news for, for you moving forward.

[00:13:55] One of the things that you did, through writing this book is you were able to redefine to yourself what enough means. So we'd love to hear from you, what does being unapologetically enough mean to you now?

[00:14:11] Carrie Severson: Right? It's so funny. So when I wrote Unapologetically Enough, It wasn't first called unapologetically enough.

[00:14:17] There were all these other titles for it. And I was working with my editor and I'm like, it's not the right title. It's not the right title. And so my editor was the one that came back and she's like, Carrie, this entire book is about you making sure that you're not comparing or not looking at yourself as enough from outside circumstances.

[00:14:40] You are who you are. I am Hawaii. As I am right now, I am unapologetically enough in this form in this moment because of everything I've done previously, to move me into the space, of all the work I've done to reshape and redefine success and self love. I am unapologetically enough as I am right now with the effort I have put into today.

[00:15:02] This is who I am. So for me, it was this idea that I don't have to. Be approved by you. I don't have to meet your expectations. I don't have to do those things. I don't have to show up in the way you see, I have to show up, I'm going to do, I'm going to do everything I can. I'm going to be everything I can for me first and fill up me first and that's unapologetically enough for me.

[00:15:27] And so it really was this idea of pulling all these cords. I have. And pulling them back.

[00:15:33] Emily Thompson: We talk about whenever I first read the piece about how it is that you are redefining redefining enough for yourself and how that was such a trigger word. It's something that I can relate to a lot. But then I also see myself in sort of other places, oftentimes in my coaching I'll get bosses to define for themselves, like what is there enough numbers?

[00:15:54] In their business. So even using that word to get people to redefine, or just to define sort of things in their business that are so imperative to lock in on so that what it is that you're working on. So it's really funny that you can have hold these like dual meanings of a word and dual sort of feelings for a word.

[00:16:13] But I would imagine that that's a word that a lot of people, once you hear it and start thinking about your own experience with it has a lot of baggage for everyone.

[00:16:22] Carrie Severson: It does, for me, it was, it was in my journey. This is like, this is one of the things they did to recover from, to recover from burnout. And I write about this.

[00:16:31] I'm a writer, so I'm, I'm a professional writer. I use my word. So I went back to my journals and I started highlighting. I noticed all these words that were coming in. A lot enough was one of the words and I started highlighting it and it was always related to a negative connotation. And so I was like, I'm not going to use the word enough anymore.

[00:16:50] So I reframed my language. I welded. So he wrote a whole book called, right. So this is like eight years ago, but I didn't do the work to actually heal it. I just put a bandaid over it. And I was like, I'm not gonna use this word again. So when my editor was like, Your book is called unapologetically enough.

[00:17:08] I had a moment. I was like F you. It is, and I like saw my computer down and I like turned my phone off and I curled up on the couch and I had like a total meltdown. And then he took a breath and it was like, okay, let's look at this. She's an incredibly smart woman. She's done a ton of work. She knows what she's talking about.

[00:17:29] Why is she saying. So I actually turned to my coach and I was like, my editor wants me to call the book unapologetically enough. And my coach sends me back the angels sign, the angel emoji. And I was like, what the hell is this mean? She's like, I want you to do research, really look at the word enough.

[00:17:46] And when I did the first thing that popped up, that my eyes went to was abundant the word abundance. So the, the actual concept of enough. To meet the needs to be sufficient. So even in that, it doesn't mean lack, but we look at it as lack because it's never enough. But when you look at the synonym of enough where it's like abundance or here, I mean, I mean, like it took me all that time to look at my baggage of enough.

[00:18:20] And flip it and I'm like, wow. So this book isn't unapologetically enough is the story of how I honestly, reshaped success and self love came out of burnout, healed my body from failed IVF experiences, but really it's my journey of healing the concept of know. And it took naming it, this for me to honestly be able to do that.

[00:18:42] And it's really, I mean, I'm so grateful. It's like, it's like, one of my girlfriends who re read it with me as I was writing it, she's like, it's really a love letter to you that you're sharing publicly. And I'm like, okay, well that's a little freaky, but I guess so.

[00:18:58] Emily Thompson: Is, it's incredibly vulnerable. I love that it takes this sort of memoir sort of stance or memoir view of burnout.

[00:19:07] Whereas so many burnout books that are popular right now are very scientific, very like nuts and bolts. Here's what's happening in your brain. Here's what you need to do, like which has its place a hundred percent. But so few people are being truly vulnerable about what. What put them there so that people don't sort of, look in the mirror and see sort of the relationship between what they're reading and what they're experiencing.

[00:19:33] And also how it is that they came out of it, like very practically, like, you can tell me what I need, what hormone I need more of in my brain. Give me some, like, give me some ideas to make it happen. But like, what does this actually look like in practice? So I love that it took this lens, but I also am loving what you're saying about this journey of healing, your relationship with a concept of what the, with the concept of enough, because oftentimes.

[00:20:00] Conversations with bosses. It's funny you brought up abundant. I know I've heard one boss in the crowd, at least who gets so bent out of shape at the word abundant. I can't remember who it is, but I just said it like, I've seen a boss's face, just get mad and that word is brought up or, or hustle or whatever, or manage so many things.

[00:20:22] I think that's such an interesting, interesting practice for maybe everyone to think of like, what is one word that inspires you?

[00:20:30] Carrie Severson: Why do the word and figure it out and shift it and yeah, for, yeah, for me it was enough. I mean, like, I, gosh, after burnout I was, I, I didn't use the word. I would literally be asked to like, come to corporations and like talk to managers about language they were using and how to change, you know?

[00:20:52] Vibrational it don't use this word. It's a little vibe and studies this word and half was one of those words. I was like, instead of using enough, use the word welcome. But, yeah, now I, I write it everywhere. I am, I am enough. This is enough. This is, and it's a constant for me. It's a constant practice of honestly it comes down to how I

[00:21:14] unattached my, how I am unattaching other people's perceptions of who I am and what I am and what I'm doing and who I'm being to staying totally focused and centered in a hundred percent aligned with me. And it is a daily practice.

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[00:23:00] Emily Thompson: Okay. You've talked a little bit about recovering from burnout. I'd love to hear you, so you wrote a book you like got in there with your feelings and process them and share them, which is one way of doing it. But what other things did you do to really help you to help you get through?

[00:23:18] Carrie Severson: So for me, it really was reshaping the concept of success.

[00:23:23] So burnout, I sh I chased money. I chased people's, approval, which is a hundred percent for me, how I ended up in that dark space. When I looked at what does success look like? Or how, how can I reshape success for me? I. Moved it out of alignment with money in alignment, with validation. And I moved it over into feelings that let me be, free.

[00:23:51] And so for me, happy was my word. I want it to be happy again. What made me happy? So once I got like, I want it to be happy. Success meant happy. What makes me happy? And I literally just like would write down random stuff. And I made a commitment to myself that I was going to. Find what made me happy.

[00:24:10] And it was little things like, taking 20 minutes to sit in a bathtub without anyone without my phone, or, traveling, seen friends. I didn't have any friends anymore. I was working around the clock I had the last time I went on a date was, I hadn't been on a date in so long when I was in that space.

[00:24:31] So I wanted to do things that made me happy and that, I made a list and literally would start going down the list. Things I could incorporate into my life that were easy at first little tiny things. And I would take a moment to recognize the fact that in this moment I am happy and that little by little, it started work.

[00:24:50] So, at the time Zumba was like all over the place. I would take, like go to, rent, get a two-week pass to a free gym or something, and I'd go to Zumba class until I could find the place that really fits my personality. And I made, I was like, okay, I'm going to come here. This is, this makes me happy.

[00:25:10] This place makes me happy. I found that thing. So for an hour, five days a week, I was happy when I was here. Yeah, so that was that actually. That whole what makes me happy? That lasted, it took me probably I'd say like six to nine months of doing that exercise every day to get me the space to finally breathe.

[00:25:38] And by that point I was like, okay, I'm, I'm ready to do the thing. I'm ready to do the next thing. So, traveling meeting friends was on my happy list, which is why I ended up in California and literally happened to be at a party with somebody at the Huffington post at the time. And this is why magic, how magic happens in my life.

[00:26:03] I made the commitment to find happy. I started doing new things for myself, putting myself first traveling, just driving the California city, sitting at a beach at a better random party. And then, yeah, I happened to meet somebody there and I was like, Hey, I'm a recovered burnout. She's like, you should write.

[00:26:20] And then I did it got published and my next adventure started. So it's a long, it is a long winding road, but one of the things that really did help me was being open to the idea of letting the universe guide me instead of me guiding it. So in this concept of reshaping my identity, my concept of success.

[00:26:44] Instead of chasing it. I let it come to me.

[00:26:47] Emily Thompson: What some wonderful practical practices is like daily. What makes me happy? And it's this, isn't what, Cosmo tells you, makes you happy, right? This is like the weird little things in your life that just make you happy. That's a practice I can relate to very much so.

[00:27:08] And I even want to, throw back, actually, I love the zipper reference and how that really does date, this situation like that made me sort of giggly. Just remember the age of Zumba, everybody. Yeah. But what you were saying earlier about, all man, where was I going Zumba just interrupted my line of thought.

[00:27:30] Oh, man. I can't remember, but the little stuff, the little, the little things are, are really important. And you mentioned too, that it took you six to nine months. Just sort of getting to a place where you could breathe, like doing this practice. And this is one thing that I really want to highlight because for me it was like 12 to 18.

[00:27:51] It took me a while to realize that there needed to be a happiness practice in place, right? Of like the world's not just going to fix itself. Like I'm going to have to start figuring something else. This isn't just something that's going to lift one day, you actually have to do things. And then a happiness practice.

[00:28:08] And it's something that I will still pull out if I wake up on a Saturday and I'm just not feeling it. And like, I think we can all relate to just that, like, what is one thing I can do today that will just make me happy? And it doesn't matter how weird or seemingly lame or like, if it makes you happy, that's all that matters and prioritizing that it does it unlocks.

[00:28:29] Potential for magic to happen for you to stumble into the person that you need, or to find the, like, next piece of inspiration, or to just get a little bit of happiness to take you the next step.

[00:28:42] Carrie Severson: Yep.

[00:28:43] So the six to nine months was after I had spent a good two months, literally just sort of crying and screaming and questioning.

[00:28:53] How did I get here? It was after. I came back into my work and I was like, okay, I need some help. We have to do things differently. And then, yeah, I, what makes me happy? I actually, I wrote about that and got onstage and told that story of, I made a list of stuff that made me happy and like glitter was on the list.

[00:29:19] Rollercoasters was on the list, talks with girlfriends. Cause I hadn't, I hadn't made the time for that. So yeah, it was the little things like where it was like calling a friend, even texting a friend, responding to ones I haven't responded to in a year. Reaching out, asking for, not just asking

[00:29:39] help professionally and telling people about what I was doing, but letting people know how I was feeling, I totally cut that piece off. And, I think a lot of times women running their own businesses feel like we did this thing. We went out into the world. We said, we were gonna do this and we've done it.

[00:30:02] We can't let anybody else know how what's actually going. And so we don't, we sit here in this silo and we just push forward and run as fast as we can, as hard as we can for as long as we can without ever stopping, because we don't want anyone to know we feel broken and unsuccessful. The flaws behind us as human beings.

[00:30:30] And that hurts my heart so much knowing that so many, I mean, I was there. I know what that feels like. I, I know others do too.

[00:30:40] Emily Thompson: Yeah, for sure. And I think another thing that you hit on that is particularly important for bosses to hear is this idea of releasing control.

[00:30:56] Whenever it comes to healing from something like burnout, you have no control over it. Like you show up, you try, you, do the things that make you happy. You continue to work towards your version of success. Like you do these things, but otherwise you do have to open yourself up to the sixth sense of humor of the universe.

[00:31:16] Carrie Severson: Totally. I know I love it. And when you are, when you're able to do that, which does hard, it was hard for me at first, because it was counter productive. It was counter intuitive. It was like, but if I stop, I won't get the thing. The contracts won't come back. The money won't come in. All these things.

[00:31:38] Meanwhile, my soul over here, my heart is over here, like screaming. But if you don't stop, you're going to break. And so that's what happened. I finally surrendered it. And I remember, so I, I was on USA network. I was in this award ceremony called characters the night and. The people over at USA came to Phoenix, threw me this huge party on this rooftop, on this rooftop.

[00:32:13] And I remember walking away from that event, feeling like everything happens for everything happens for a reason. I am incredibly grateful for this opportunity, but if I don't fix what feels broken inside, I won't get opportunities like this again. And so I did, I gave myself the space to sort of stop heal and I needed to heal.

[00:32:45] So I wasn't resentful because at that point I was like angry and I don't, I was probably lashing out at everyone around me, but, I was so unhealthy. I was so unhappy. And yet that was on the rooftop of this hotel major opportunity. And I didn't feel satisfied. So it was like, okay, well this has to change.

[00:33:17] Emily Thompson: That's your moment. Right? That's your moment of recognition that something has to change then let's, let's transition this a little bit and talk about this success. Because that's the mean that's come up many times is something we've talked about here, but I always love hearing different perspectives of, of how this has affected you and how it is that you've transitioned and really like how it is that you work out and encourage people to find their own version of success.

[00:33:41] So what words of advice do you have for anyone who may be listening, who, either may not be finding success as quickly as they want to, or are simply going after someone else's version of success.

[00:33:54] Carrie Severson: Right. So, this is the hardest one for me to talk about because I do feel, I remember what that felt like of like constantly comparing myself to what other women were doing and what they were showing as a result of what they were doing.

[00:34:16] And so I tried all these things, So the first thing for me, the concept of success was moved out from validation and money specifically. And validation came when I would do something, I would tell a peer and I didn't get what I wanted back. And so I would move over here and I would try my friends or family.

[00:34:38] I would even try my love life. Didn't get it. So I'm unhooking myself from that definition of success meant that I was getting recognition. I was getting validation and I was getting money to actual feelings, not external circumstances, but feelings. I am successful this morning because I spent five minutes to show myself gratitude just by smiling at myself in the mirror, taking, taking, a longer shower and.

[00:35:13] Dancing. So for me, the success really went from outside circumstances, outside validation to how he was taking care of myself. That was how I started when it came to my career, my job and what I was doing in the world, success started, I pulled it out of that validation, external thing and had it to do it very small.

[00:35:39] So I was successful yesterday because I reached out to, I offered my services to 30 people. I can't, I can't control what anyone's going to say and what they're going to come back to me with. But at least I put effort into this, that that had to be successful for me, my effort to support myself, not for anything else, other than, as an entrepreneur, putting effort into what I'm doing does that.

[00:36:08] Does that make sense?

[00:36:09] Emily Thompson: Yeah. I mean, the thing is coming up for me is, comparing your four really great checks on your to-do list to someone else's 20, like screw their 20, celebrate your four high five. You did this today. There's, there's a lot of comparison trap things in there, right. Of just like, what does this look like to you?

[00:36:29] What makes you feel good? And don't get. Fuck what anyone else is doing? One of the things that, one of the things that I had to do as I was coming out of burnout was to really get off social media. Like I had to just focus on me and myself and what made me feel good and otherwise adopting a hardcore gratitude practice so that I could remember the ways in my life that I was already like totally successful.

[00:36:58] Right. Like I had achieved one of the things from. Has always been, being able to get up on my own time in the morning and have breakfast with my family. Like I don't have to get up and commute an hour and a half to work. I don't have to, like, I don't have to do all of those things. I've built a life for myself where I can get up without an alarm clock and I can have a leisurely chill breakfast with my family.

[00:37:20] And that's, does that make me money? Not at all. Does that give me any cloud or like get me published in something cool. Nope. But like, I don't want any of that if I can just have this every day. And so, I, I find that a really good gratitude practice and you can even do it through the lens of like what, in what ways in my life and my already successful.

[00:37:44] Oftentimes we'll give you the nuggets of the, of the things that you can move towards. Right, right. To define success for yourself.

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[00:38:54] Carrie Severson: Yeah. So for me, it really came down to, so being an empath, I have lots of feelings for me. It came down to. Feeling successful mint. I was happy in whatever I was doing. If I was happy in this moment, I was like, I feel successful. I feel grateful. Yeah. Grateful was another one for me. But, yeah. So when I would chase, when I chase money, when I chase somebody else's approval, I always felt depleted.

[00:39:22] I felt this void. Sometimes I was lonely. I remember some of the biggest moments I had in my. I had them. And then you come back to this house. I was single. I came back to an empty house at the end of the night of like something really big. Like I'm like, it shouldn't be this way. Right. I shouldn't feel weird after having this huge high and all of a sudden it's a major crash.

[00:39:45] And so I was like, I want to sort of ride this equilibrium of being just happy without the rollercoaster. Yeah. So redefining success for me really meant that no matter what I was doing, if I was happy in it, I was successful. But I do remember in the beginning of whatever business I was running, I'm having a hard time, not doing, not re, not moving forward, not doing all these things.

[00:40:21] So when it came to my career, I like reaching out to people. I like helping people tell their stories. I like talking to people. And even now with this book, I, I'll sit on a Sunday afternoon and research 25 or 30 bloggers that are putting cool, reviews out in the world for nonfiction pieces and I'll reach out to them.

[00:40:42] And that's fun for me. I'm happy doing that. That's not, something I'm being forced to do. I'm not. Yeah. So it is, it's a, it's a harder for me re redefining success. Was, it was a harder thing for me to do because of all of the preconceived notions I had for so long and all the programs on the things that were taught now, the hustle and all of these things are constantly being told to us that as a woman, as an entrepreneur, If you're a boss, you have to do it hard.

[00:41:14] You have to do fast. You have to do it constantly. You have to make a ton of money. It was hard. That success man was harder for me to flip.

[00:41:22] Emily Thompson: Yeah, we use funny because yes, I think there's tons of reproach or yes, reprogramming that we have to do an unlearning that we have to do, especially as entrepreneurs, because we are going outside the box to do something the most people haven't done before.

[00:41:35] At least not in the. We have a lot of that to do, to even get to a place where we can even tap into what it is that we, that, how it is that we define success. But as you're saying that, I'm also sort of recognizing that the flip side of this is also true and that we also have more opportunities to define success for ourselves because we are entrepreneurs, right.

[00:41:59] [00:42:00] If you have a day job, maybe you're relatively limited in the number of ways that you can define success for yourself. Right? You're going to find a job that has the benefits that you want. That's going to give you retirement at the age that you want. That's going to afford you the ability to own the boat that you want, whatever it may be.

[00:42:18] Right. And, but you, in doing that, oftentimes you are what you're giving up. Is that what the day to day. Work looks like right. Or our boss, our is, or who it is that you're bossing around or whatever it may be. So the day-to-day can be a little less dreamy, can be a little less as sort of directly associated with your feelings for success.

[00:42:42] But you don't have to define it in sort of other ways, but for entrepreneurs, for business owners like us, we have opportunities to define success for ourselves in how it is that we show up every morning to the job that we're creating for ourselves. Right. For the tasks that we do every day for the people we want to hire for the vendors we want to work with for the kinds of, PR that we want or whatever it may be.

[00:43:06] And I think most of that's kind of, fluffy success metrics. But you, I feel like we have so many more opportunities to define success for our ways and out of the box ways. That once we do the hard work of unlearning, we are more set up for defines as has been really cool ways.

[00:43:30] Carrie Severson: I love that when I wrote, so my journey is like once I moved through burnout and I started to re define and, move out of the nonprofit into my storytelling career, I decided I was ready to go back to dating.

[00:43:45] And so, I started, I started saying yes to. Dinner parties, which led to women asking me if I was single too, it was a, it was a beautiful journey. I did all the DD naps. I went on a lot of bad dates. And, I put a lot of self, I put a lot of love into my life, starting with self love and self care.

[00:44:07] And, When I ended up meeting the man I'm married to now. And my original book didn't include him. And so my editor was like, you really need to, you need this, isn't finished. You need to do it again, go back to writing. You need, he needs to show up in here somehow. So when I, I took several weeks by myself, and I wrote.

[00:44:34] About him and me and my theme song during that time was nine to five because I was like, I want to tap into the energy of women, who are doing all the things they've, maybe they do have a nine to five and they're married and they're running the house and they're being all these things. And.

[00:44:55] They're exhausted. And so on my way to the cop, I would write from coffee shops on the way to the coffee shop. I tuned in and I listened to Dolly over and over and over again until I got that vibe going. And, but yeah, I have, yeah. I mean, you can be burned out as a nine to five or you can be burned out as a mom.

[00:45:12] You can be burned out as an entrepreneur. You COVID burnout. I mean, like it's a real thing. It doesn't matter how you get there. The matter is, whether it's putting practices in place for you to get out. That's really, when it comes down to you have to fix it, you have to flip it and you have to do the work to flip it.

[00:45:28] Emily Thompson: Have to, have to. The next place I want to take us, as you've mentioned, a couple of times, his idea of self-love and I think that's a part of the title of your book is, redefining success in self-love. So I'd love to know, like, how do you define self-love and what does it look like? Like, what is the role.

[00:45:51] What should the role be of self love in your life and work?

[00:45:55] Carrie Severson: Yep. So in the past self love always meant that I was pampering myself. I was spending a ton of money on myself. I was doing the thing cause I deserved it. And this concept of deserve. I worked really hard. I deserve this extra glass of wine and I worked really hard.

[00:46:12] I deserved, this extra cookie or, when I would take breaks. While it was in, burnt out. It wasn't just like a minute. It was like, I took the whole day and I went to the spa and,

[00:46:28] Emily Thompson: I'm laughing because I relate, I relate.

[00:46:32] Carrie Severson: I indulged in for that's how it was for me. I was like, you know what? That's an expensive thing.

[00:46:38] I can't do that all the time. I have to break this down and I have to pull this in that I'm doing not just. Every once in awhile, daily, a lot during the day, how can I show myself self love today? So, I started to redefine it. Wasn't something I earned. It was something I am. I am loved all the time. I love myself all the time.

[00:47:05] And so smiling during this interview, having the book that got me, this interview is sitting on the desk next to me. I mean, making sure I have water. Those are the things that I've done in this interview to show myself I love myself. And so it really went from again, external validation. Something I deserved to something I am.

[00:47:28] Emily Thompson: I feel like so many times in this chat, you have brought up the concepts of self-awareness and just being very present. Write those in. As I say them, I also recognize those as two things that also help pull me out of burnout. Right. Just generally are characteristics that, I can pinpoint any boss that I know they are incredibly self-aware.

[00:47:50] They know what they do. Right. And can prioritize that for themselves. And the are present to like, know that, self love right now does not necessarily mean another taco. Right. It could just mean another glass of water, right?

[00:48:09] Carrie Severson: Yeah. Totally.

[00:48:10] Emily Thompson: And, or whatever it may be.

[00:48:12] Carrie Severson: It totally changes from moment to moment. So after I changed my careers, I, I closed the nonprofit. I moved into my storytelling career. Went back to my roots of storytelling is what I say. I, started dating again and I was on this really bad day. And this guy's like, you're 30, I was 37 at the time.

[00:48:32] I'm not anymore. I'm in my forties. I was 37 at the time. And he was like, Hey, you ha it's too late you missed your chance to get married and have kids. And I wrote about that too. It's propelled me to put my self through two rounds of IVF. Both of them failed and my body shut down. I mean, I was like bedridden, super, super, super sick.

[00:48:57] And so I went back to, it was a different burnout. I was truthfully physically unable to move a lot of the time. And so I had nothing to do, but think I would take naps. I would cuddle underneath the covers and like self-love went from somebody pampering me and taking care of me to giving myself permission to rest.

[00:49:22] And I felt sexy doing it. I felt like, it was this luxurious thing. I was arresting and that was sexy. It was crazy to go from this rat race, to being at peace and literally loving myself. From head to toe. I would picture like every cell in my body being like massaged and yeah, it was, it was a different, it definitely flipped to, I am loved right now in this beam.

[00:49:54] I don't have to get permission from anyone else to do this. I'm doing this right now.

[00:49:58] Emily Thompson: Yeah.

[00:49:59] It sounds kind of trippy. I like it. I also want to pinpoint this, this idea of permission to rest, and how luxurious that feels, because I recently did an episode on rest and how I still see bosses struggling with it.

[00:50:15] And I, we always will. I do think that as people start crawling themselves, Collective burnout that they're experiencing, that it may be easier for people to partner for a lot of people to prioritize it for themselves. But I relate to that a hundred percent. I would rather take a nap than buy a pair of shoes most days.

[00:50:36] Carrie Severson: Totally. Right.

[00:50:37] Emily Thompson: Yeah, because there is nothing more, nothing more pampering than claiming some time for yourself and doing whatever you want, especially if that whatever you want is taken nap or to just lay there and read a book. And, and it's, it's a practice that I have very much. Found some joy in over the past couple of years, even, Saturday morning, Saturday, Sunday morning, one of those mornings, this past weekend, I was in bed until noon and I slept all morning and it felt like the most boss thing I had done in months.

[00:51:14] Carrie Severson: I love it. That's awesome. Yeah. It's so important. And the struggle, I see a lot, the boundary for me again, is in this unhooking of your perception of what I have to do and who I have to be is not mine. And if I need to sit here, And sit in meditation. Like the other day I took, like, I don't know, I wasn't like an 85 minute meditation, whatever, and I've done it like two or three times and I absolutely love it.

[00:51:45] And I could hear people walking by in the hallway and the door was locked and I could have easily gotten up and dealt with it. But instead I put my earbuds in and I was like, no, this is my moment. This is my, I need this. I'm going to take this.[00:52:00]

[00:52:01] This is it. Yeah. And so it changes, it changes again, it's a daily practice, reshaping success and self-love, but entrepreneurs definitely need both those things constantly, constantly all the time.

[00:52:16] Emily Thompson: Yeah, indeed.

[00:52:17] Perfect. Amazing sort of last question for you is around the vulnerability of writing a book like this.

[00:52:26] Carrie Severson: Crazy.

[00:52:27] Emily Thompson: Right. How are you feeling now that this book is not out quite yet? Very soon. Yeah. May 24th, May 24th. But as I was reading through this is this like one of the most vulnerable accounts of burnout? I have read, incredibly engaging, but as I was reading it too, I was like, damn.

[00:52:49] Okay, love it. How are you feeling about it and what got you into a space to think that, or to feel as if this is how you wanted to share this journey?

[00:52:59] Carrie Severson: I am excited and freaking out at the same time. I will, like this morning I got the, I knew this was happening and suddenly my brain went blank and I called my coach and I was like, I don't know what the F I'm going to do.

[00:53:13] What if I can't speak? And she's like, you're talking about your life. It will be there. And so there is this, there's the, I feel like I'm under a shower of confetti and yet at the same time, no, very well I'm Effie naked. And so it's very weird. It is incredibly weird. But when it comes to writing this winter, I don't know how, how else to do it.

[00:53:39] I knew, I knew this book was calling me. I knew I had to get this out. This is my, this is I'm a writer. I believe very strongly that it went through these pieces of life so that I could put this out to the world. And I don't know how else to do it than as raw as it is. And I mean, there's chapters in here.

[00:54:07] Like I said, I'm still shocked made it there's things in here about my experience. I'm praying people, are sensitive to because. Like, if you don't like this and you come back and you kind of be like, yeah, so there's a lot going on in my head. So talking about redefining reshaping success and supply right now is like huge because I read constantly and hooking other people's validations, external circumstances.

[00:54:37] However, this lands is how it's going to land. My success rate right now is I did this. This is, I put this out to the world. It is an actual. I spent eight years working on it and I birthed this. I birthed this. It feels really good.

[00:54:54] Emily Thompson: Yeah. It's wonderful. I think[00:55:00]

[00:55:01] it's going to be great. And honestly, let's say, as I mentioned before, I think a book about burnout that. In this way or in this sort of form is going to be so much more relatable and human than all of the, brain science books out there. And they both have their place I'm not, poo-pooing on the brain science books literally at all, but this is, this is a different take.

[00:55:26] And I think one, that's going to be so much more relatable, especially to our crowd. I'm glad that you did it in this way. Thank you for sure.

[00:55:34] Carrie Severson: Thank you.

[00:55:35] Emily Thompson: Perfect. All right. Well you tell everyone where it is. They can find you and this

[00:55:40] Carrie Severson: book. Sure. So the book is called Unapologetically Enough: Reshaping Success and Self-Love, you can come over to unapologeticallyenough.com.

[00:55:49] Send me a notes. There's plenty of places you can find the book. The book is out May 24th. It's available anywhere you buy books, Amazon bookshop, target, Walmart, just head to whatever website you mean. Grab it, but please let me know what you think I would absolutely love to hear from you.

[00:56:06] Emily Thompson: Perfect.

[00:56:07] Carrie, this has been a treat. I have one more question for you. What's making you feel

[00:56:11] most boss?

[00:56:13] Carrie Severson: Oh my goodness. Right now, this interview!

[00:56:17] Emily Thompson: You spoke great.

[00:56:21] Carrie Severson: Yeah. Honestly, being what's making me feel most glass is that I'm owning, I'm owning this. I'm owning this book and I'm owning the story. And I'm telling people about it.

[00:56:31] Emily Thompson: Yeah.

[00:56:31] It's a beautiful book, baby. Congratulations.

[00:56:33] Carrie Severson: Thank you. Thank you.

[00:56:35] Emily Thompson: Perfect. Thank you so much for coming and hanging out with me. This has been a great chat.

[00:56:38] Carrie Severson: Absolutely. My treat.

[00:56:42] Emily Thompson: All right boss, because you're here, I know you want to be a better creative at business owner. Which means I've got something for you. Each week, the team at Being Boss is scouring the news, the best entrepreneurial publications and updates and releases of the apps and tools that run our businesses and is curating it all into a weekly email that delivers the must know tips and tactics in the realms of mindset, money and productivity.

[00:57:05] This email is called Brewed. We brew it up for you each week to give you the insight you need to make decisions and move forward in your creative business. Check it out now and sign up for yourself at beingboss.club/brewed. That's beingboss.club/B R E W E D. Now until next time, do the work be boss.