Prioritizing Relationships in Work + LifeSeptember 6, 2016
Today’s episode is all about relationships—making friends, sustaining and maintaining relationships with your partners, being a mom, and networking.
Today’s episode is all about relationships—making friends, sustaining and maintaining relationships with your partners, being a mom, and networking.
Emily Thompson 0:00
Hello and welcome to being boss episode number 88. This episode is brought to you by fresh books cloud accounting.
Being boss and work and life is being in it.
Kathleen Shannon 0:16
It's being who we are doing the work, breaking some rules. And even though we each
Emily Thompson 0:22
have to do it on our own, being boss is knowing we're in it together.
Kathleen Shannon 0:27
Today's episode is all about relationships. So we're going to be talking about making friends, sustaining and maintaining relationships with your partner's being a mom, networking, all of all things relationships, we've been getting lots of questions from being mom bosses, lots of questions around how to make friends. And that's what we're going to dive into today. I want to pause here we're talking about friendships in today's episode, and I want to talk about money and friendships and relationships. And I think one of the best things that you can do as a creative entrepreneur is talk about money with your trusted friends. Let's break the taboo around the money topic so that we can all make a little bit more of it. But it's also really important to know your numbers. So keeping track of your expenses and your income is a great place to start. And our sponsor fresh books. Cloud accounting is a really amazing way to do that. I personally use fresh books, and just think that it's so easy and intuitive. I don't have a degree in accounting, and I don't really feel like I have a lot of time to look at my money. But it's makes it so so easy. So you can try your free trial of fresh books today by going to freshbooks comm slash being boss and enter being boss in the How did you hear about us section? Also, they have a really great blog where they're talking about money, so be sure to check that out too. I promise it's not boring. Alright, back to our episode. Alright, let's dive right in and talk about making friends as an adult and let's just separate it from the creative entrepreneur world though there might be a blend there might be an overlap. But let's talk about how do you make friends. So Emily, you just moved to Chattanooga? Did you already have friends there?
Emily Thompson 2:18
No. I knew no one here. I'm pretty sure I'm trying to think really fast. I don't think I knew anyone here. Nope.
Kathleen Shannon 2:24
And do you have friends now in Chattanooga?
Emily Thompson 2:27
We do have friends. We have a lot of friends and I'll tell you our secret.
Unknown Speaker 2:32
Kathleen Shannon 2:35
Having a kid will get you friends. That has been the opposite of my experience. Oh, I lost all my friends.
Emily Thompson 2:44
Well, Lily is literally one of the most like friendly, like almost almost obnoxious, Li friendly people I think I've ever met in a way that is really magnificent. Like whenever we moved into our neighborhood, she's the one who went and met all of our neighbors and practically drugged them over to meet us because you know, Dave and I are just gonna take out our trash and kind of like shyly wave and go about our business not literally Nope, not gonna happen. So Lily definitely brought at least all of our at least all of our neighbor friends to us. But we've made we've made friends otherwise through a lot through being boss actually. So a lot of bosses reached out to me whenever they heard that I was moving to Chattanooga, and I've met and cultivated some relationships that way. So yeah, we've cultivated a fun little tribe of people. It was really funny. About two or three months ago, we had our annual smash bash, which is just a fun studio thing and we we've been doing it the past couple of years in Florence and we did it here this year and less than less than a year after living in a new place. I had a house full of people of like new friends that we had made both neighbors and being boss people and it was I remember standing aside at one point thinking High Five like way to like move to a new place and and create relationships with people in a way that it's just happy
Unknown Speaker 4:07
and explain what a smash bashes
Emily Thompson 4:09
sure so it's cocktail party. So smashes are cocktails they're really simple to make crushed ice is imperative. That's where the Smash Enos come actually I guess the smashing is comes from smashing up fruit and herbs and simple syrup. Putting that with some crushed ice and some liquor boozing it up.
Kathleen Shannon 4:31
Do you know I make a really good drink. Do you make really good drinks So ever since I was little
Emily Thompson 4:38
too that'll make you friends right there. Literally if you can make just a solid cocktail pick one one cocktail that you can master and it can be easy one like if you can make a solid gin and tonic high five.
Kathleen Shannon 4:49
You'll make friends you'll make friends. So I make a really mean White Russian. That was my first drink I learned how to make
Emily Thompson 4:58
I've never had a white rest I shouldn't eat you a White Russian
Kathleen Shannon 5:01
Are you weird about like little your milk and alcohol
Emily Thompson 5:05
a little bit that wears me out. It also reminds me so Chattanooga, I've heard jokes about Chattanooga being the birthplace of the original hipster. And there's a place here that does brunch and one of their one of their brunch cocktails is a White Russian where they use cereal infused milk, which really just means the leftover milk in your cereal bowl becomes the base of a cocktail. And the first time I saw that, on the menu, I was just like shit Chattanooga,
Kathleen Shannon 5:33
right, that's really gross. Um, my mom doesn't like drinking, but she really loves my pina coladas. So every summer when we go on vacation in Florida, I make my whole family pina coladas. Or I can also make a good Margarita. So those are like the ones that I'm really good at. I would like to get into learning how to make darker drinks, like like a old fashion or whiskey sour, things like that. Anyway, I love the idea of a smash bash. And I want to point this out that doing fun things takes hard work. As a kid, it doesn't seem like it like as a kid, it's so easy to make friends. Because guess what, your parents are setting everything up for you. But as an adult, you have to set it up for yourself. And I love the idea of having just an annual party so that you can rely on it every single year. And it can have a theme. And so it just is an expectation and not so much an obligation.
Emily Thompson 6:34
Yeah, and I'll tell you the reason why I like the Smash fashion. It's really like if you want to learn more about smash bashes, I have I think a blog post on my blog, Emily Thompson, calm, go to the bottom archives, and then include a link to it in the show notes. Perfect. And then I also did a smash bash kit with crafted crafted taste, which is a cocktail delivery box service. You can find that on my site as well. So um, smashed measures were really fun. And I do them every year. This is the third year that we've done, and I'll do them forever because I think they're genius. They're really actually pretty easy to put together like smashes are the easiest cocktails ever. lay out some fruit lay out some herbs have a bottle of simple syrup and some booze and people can mix them themselves. And it's a lot of fun bs doing something like that, where every year no matter where you are, because every year it's always different people who show up, no matter where you are, who's around like, you make drinks, people are going to come even if people don't drink, they'll come around just to watch everyone else drink like it's it's pretty entertaining stuff. And we've cultivated some great relationships that way. And it is we do it every like June, July. It's something we do every year. It's not too terribly hard, but it does take some work like you do have to mindfully do it.
Kathleen Shannon 7:45
Okay, here's another question. I know that you're more introverted, and that putting on something like a smash bash, it probably wears you out, right? Like just emotionally and mentally afterward. Like, how do you psych yourself up as an introvert to have a party? booze?
Emily Thompson 8:05
No, so like, I am introverted, I don't go into anything thinking Oh, like I'm in like, I'm not shy. I'm not a shy person. I am. I'm definitely one of those people who, who's going to let other people talk more so than I'm going to do the talking. And that's just that has nothing to do with me being introverted. I don't think I think it's just different parts of me. But like, after I have them, I go to bed or like i will i usually unless I'm hosting a party, I have no problem leaving early. Like if I just get tapped out and I need to like say goodbye and go home and go to bed. or spend the next day just totally vegging out. So being an introvert I don't think really affects my ability to throw a party it actually allows I think other people to come and like be a little more of like the fun of the party because I'm not there being nuts I'm just taking photos of everyone else being nuts.
Kathleen Shannon 9:08
Like to be nuts at a party. Yeah. Like what did
Emily Thompson 9:12
I say? One of my very one of my very favorite memories of Kathleen would definitely be the yacht in Miami Thank you fresh books and being balls Miami where I was out on like the back little balcony of the yacht and I come in and Kathleen is cat walking down this room in love with this look on her face that was just straight to slaughter some folks or something I don't even know it was amazing. It's one of my it's just Kathleen there she goes on top of I don't
Kathleen Shannon 9:41
even remember that. Um, I have found that my favorite way to make friends as an adult is to just simply get out of the house and to work from a coffee shop and here's Okay, so here's what I found. Whenever I work in a public place, I always run into friends who are with friends who then become a acquaintances. And so it's almost like a friend funnel. Like you've got your funnel, which are your acquaintances, and people you've seen around, simply complimenting people. I mean, even, I just think about even going into the coffee shop all the time having the same barista every time and then running into that person at an art show a few months down the line, we already have this like thing in common, which is she takes my coffee order all the time. And now I can say hey, and interact with her in a different way, in a different context and in a different setting. And I found that that is just the, like, making a lot of acquaintances then turns into friends. So yeah, sounds like just get out of your house.
Emily Thompson 10:43
Definitely. And get out of your house and like, put your happy face on like, especially like in the clubhouse, I know. And around always, like resting bitchface is legit, like, I don't mean to have it. I've had it my entire life. I always have these people like Emily, why are you so mad all the time, I'm mad, this is just my
Kathleen Shannon 11:01
Emily Thompson 11:03
Basically, um, but like, being mindful about the bitchface when you're out and about, I think can make you more inviting to people. But yeah, working from a coffee shop, or just genuinely smiling at people when you're at the grocery store, or chatting with the people who are checking you out at the grid, like, whatever, I go to the grocery store a lot. So that's always where I get my human interaction. Um, but but definitely like going out, getting out of your house, and putting your happy face on and seeing who you run into. If you meet a new friend over by the Kiwis, like whatever it may be. One of my things is like is you don't have to be going out and meeting tons of people all the time. Like, you know, what is there's only like space in your brain for 150 people.
Kathleen Shannon 11:50
Yes, yeah, like 150 people. I heard that the other day. And I've been thinking about it so much, especially for this episode,
Emily Thompson 11:57
right? So like, maybe it's not even that you need to meet new people. Maybe it's just that just that you need to nurture their relationships with the people you already know. So this is 100%.
Kathleen Shannon 12:05
Emily Thompson 12:07
right? So and I don't know so many people like making making new friends. And we get we've had this question a couple times, making new friends as an adult, especially Lily has the easiest time ever making new friends like it is admirable. It's almost obnoxious, but it's admirable, as an adult is definitely like significantly harder. So maybe it's not about making new friends, but nurturing the relationships that you already have. And to do that, I think you just make it a priority. Like locally, you don't have a couple friends, we have lunch date, at least once a month, like every couple of weeks, one of us will email the other because we know it's time when we want to keep these relationships going. We don't we don't chat with each other all the time, or not like texting buddies necessarily, unless something crazy is going on. But we do make a point to have lunch with each other once a month or have cocktails with each other until wine down on a Friday evening or whatever it may be. The point is, is that one of us and it's always one of us will email the other or tax the other and make those plans consistently. And so it's not about going out and finding new friends. It's just about like hanging out with the ones that you already have and making a sincere point to do so.
Kathleen Shannon 13:23
I have found that one of the best ways to make friends even as a kid is to make friends with people that you're in the trenches with. So as a kid in elementary school, you're in the trenches in school, right? As an adult, I find that it happens at the gym, even places like so I think that joining a CrossFit gym is a really great way to meet new friends if you're into CrossFit. But whatever your hobby might be, join an organized activity around that hobby and you're going to find like minded people, I have become really close friends with a lot of my clients. And I'm not saying that you should become friends with every single client and sometimes that can lead to really sticky situations. But being in the trenches with my clients has created really great friendships
Emily Thompson 14:10
and their relationships that usually are formed after you're done and working with each other to just sort of like draw pretty little lines. So you do the work together. And then if it's fantastic, then you keep in touch every week or two or three to see how it's going schedule a Skype date and the lunch date if possible.
Kathleen Shannon 14:29
And then finally, I'm making friends with I will say that there is a blend of making friends with creative collaborators. So you know even with you Emily we had a business bestie relationship where we were getting on the phone and talking shop and we decided to record it and turn it into a podcast but now we see each other multiple times a week and I would definitely consider you one of my one inch square friends. So the one inch square is Rene browns. Philosophy of people whose opinions really matter. And she explains this in I think, in her most recent book rising strong, and basically take out a one inch square piece of paper, and write as many names as possible as you can on it of like your very closest friends. And that's the only people whose opinions matter. So, anyway, um, so yeah, I think that being in the trenches with someone is a great way to make friends. And then oh, what I was gonna say, and we just spoke with Christy Estella on a podcast recording about conferences and attending conferences, I have made some serious online friendships that have taken to the next level by meeting offline. So I consider online friends, real life like that is real life, but then getting FaceTime definitely takes it to a whole new level. So that's why I'm so glad that we created the being boss clubhouse, which is a place for other creatives to really connect with each other, and to hopefully take the conversations that we're having in our slack chat into direct messages where people are forging their own business bestie friendships and even traveling to hang out with each other.
Emily Thompson 16:12
Yeah, and I want to point out to whenever you take these relationships, like the online world relationships, like every one of the really great ones that I have started with an email. Like that's all like it was just an email like I can even two of my really good local friends now I just went had lunch to actually autumn from episode something or other autumn with Boyd. She's a lawyer and fantastic. She's one of my local friends that we have lunch together at least once a month. She's being boss listener, we've had her on the podcast, she's super fab, fantastic and all way
Kathleen Shannon 16:46
Emily Thompson 16:47
She's right. We hired her She is our lawyer. But our relationship began with I think it was her emailing me like her shooting me email, because she lived in Chattanooga, she heard on the podcast that I was moving and wanted to introduce herself. And I think I've told this story around these parts before. But whenever David now we're moving to Chattanooga, we made like we had a conversation where we need to find two friends we need to find a lawyer friend and a police officer friend because you never know. And almost immediately someone came through purchasing being bald in New Orleans and it was autumn from Chattanooga, and we were like holy shit like, dream come true. And then she emailed and now we're totally buddies. Another one of my really good local friends she emailed me she was the listener of the podcast knew that I was in Chattanooga, she was moving to Chattanooga wanted to introduce herself, giving you another one of my really good friends. And like all of these are online buddies that turned into really great real life friends, even though there really isn't that much of like, face to face friends, how about that, um, Erica midkiff, who is uh, who we've also had on the podcast, like she shot me an email a couple of years ago, she had found me on social media, I thought it was cool. There was another like Alabama based online greed of in the world, shot me an email. And we've been friends for years. And like chat, often, she's came to stay at my house before, like, total friends. And every one of these relationships started as an email. So just, Hey, I know that you live near me or around me or you do something similar to what I do. Let's chat. And then one conversation, usually over Skype turns into like 20 more. And then cocktails, one night and Goofy stories, and then that weird time with the hot dog man in New Orleans. But that's a whole other.
Kathleen Shannon 18:36
There's a hot dog vendor that admitted to Emily and a couple of other bosses that he had just killed him in the week before. Let's move on.
Emily Thompson 18:45
So he ate that hot dog.
Kathleen Shannon 18:46
One thing that I liked that you mentioned here is that you got really specific about the kind of friend that you want. You wanted a lawyer friend and a police officer friend, but I think that there is something to that. And I don't know if you ever did this as a kid whenever he were, you know, looking for qualities of a boyfriend and like making a list of Yes, and most dreamy person. Yeah. gov. So I think the same applies for the kinds of friends that you want to make. I've heard many times that you are the sum of the five closest people you hang out with the most. So it's really important to be picky. I think, especially as an adult because we don't have as much time for friendships as you do as a kid, right? We have families, we have businesses, hanging out for lunch or drinks once a month is about all I can maintain whenever it comes to friendships these days, even in college or you know, post college whenever before I had a family like I do now I was hosting a dinner party every single week and it was always so much fun in such a great way to nurture friendships. And sometimes I feel like oh my gosh, try not have friends. Because I don't maintain my friendships in the same way that I used to. But I think that's also an important thing. As an adult to remember that your life stages are changing the kinds of relationships and friendships that you had in your teens and 20s are not going to be the same in your 30s and 40s. And so many ways, it's even better like my friends. Now, I just go on vacation with my very best friend I see once a year and probably talked to her even less, because she's a little bit farther away. And we always pick right up where we left off. And it's that kind of deep friendship that I'm really looking for, like the kinds of friendships that can really stand the test of time, and really stand the test of all the other things pulling out my intention, including my toddler, and my husband and my businesses. So anyway, but back to you getting specific about the kind of friend that you want to have, I think it's really important to just make a list of the qualities that you want in a friend. And really get specific about what that is, and choose your friends accordingly. Or look at the friends that you already have, or acquaintances and say, you know what that person really matches that quality that I'm looking for in a friend, I'm going to invite her over for a drink, or go Brian lunch,
Emily Thompson 21:20
everyone loves brunch? No, I agree it is it's about making them a priority. And I can even think of like family relationships like my grandmother, I try to call my grandmother every Sunday, she actually called me today. And it totally threw me off, like, not Sunday, but it was great hearing from her. But like, I make a point to have a conversation with her at least every two weeks, if not every week. And same thing for same thing for you know, lifelong friends that I've had, like the kinds of really great friends where I don't have to see you every month for us to maintain a friendship like we're friends forever, whether we like it or not. And but I still like at least once a month will like try to send them a funny photo or a like, funny joke, or some stupid sign I saw across town that I know that they would find humor in or whatever it may be, it's making a point of keeping those contacts like alive and well. And that's like real life friends, long term friends, new friends, whatever it may be, make it a priority. It doesn't have to be like this, the first thing you do every morning when you wake up. Like I actually don't recommend that at all. I've had a couple of those friends in my life. But knowing that, you know, Friday afternoon is honestly whenever I usually sit down and try to send out a couple of written texts. Like as I'm wrapping up my day, that's when that happens. My grandmother call comes on Sunday, like it's kind of a cyclical thing where I have my my time of the week that I make those connections, and I make them.
Kathleen Shannon 22:51
I love the idea of creating habits and routines around connections. And I don't think that effortlessness is an indicator in the quality of your friendship. And that really scheduling out interacting with your friends is a really cool way to make sure that you are able to nurture those relationships. I was just thinking whenever you were talking about that our hot shit 200 list. And we've used it before to get really great clients, podcast guests and sponsors. But you could also use the hot shit to 100 list and we'll include a link so that you can download that in our show notes for your friendships, and maybe limited to 150. Since you only have room in your brain for 150 people, like maybe your top five or 10 or your closest friendships. And then in the column next to it, you note the last time you hung out with them. And then it might really spur you to get excited or enthusiastic about holding a dinner party or a cocktail party or going to brunch, or even going on a vacation and getting something on the calendar. And then with the rest of that list. It could be acquaintances or friendships online or off that you want to just maintain a little bit and sending someone an email or shooting them an Instagram direct message, whatever it might be. There are lots of great ways to prioritize a friendship that does not take a whole lot of time.
Emily Thompson 24:16
Definitely. So let's bring it home then a little bit and let's talk about your home relationships. Because outside of home relationships on some level, it's easier because you get to choose when you see those people, but like your partner, your kid, let's dive into that.
Kathleen Shannon 24:37
Yeah, I mean, so we wanted to record this episode initially thinking that we would be talking about being bosses and being moms. And we talked about that a little bit on episode number eight if you guys want to hear more about us being moms, but I've really been since episode eight Fox has grown quite a bit so he's gone from I mean, probably whenever we recorded that episode, he was me be one or one and a half. And now he's two and a half and a completely different person than he was then. And really starting, it's starting to feel like a relationship with my kid. And I know Emily, you've been talking about really prioritizing your relationship with Lily, because she's now what 898. So she's eight years old, and is really starting to make her childhood memories, like the stuff that is going to last forever. And I feel like you've gotten really intentional about making sure that you are creating memories and an environment that is going to feel so good for her to remember. So I would actually love to hear from you. Because I think that that's what I really want to create for Fox and I look up to you as a mom and a boss who's making it do and I want to do the same for Fox. So tell me more about like, Oh, we went about getting intentional around that and like what you've been doing and have you I feel like you've been really trying to scale back on your work hours and obviously you high school so
Emily Thompson 26:01
yeah, David told me. Sure. So yeah, definitely. Lily is at the age now where like she's starting to remember things and it makes me like really want to be really intentional about making sure the things she remembers aren't really fucked up. So So yeah, so you we talk a lot being balls about like our business goals and like our intention setting run our business and like, that's only about 35 hours of my life of my week life is his work. And so all the other hours and all of my other intentions, like whenever it comes to whenever it comes to doing, like just sort of monthly goal setting, especially like some new moon shit, if you guys want to go listen to the lunar abundance episode with, with se Spencer, I'm in her lunar abundance line totally recently joined, and I'm loving it. But most of my personal goals are not around business like businesses, okay, I've put enough energy there. A lot of my personal goals certainly go into my family and in particular, my kid because we do spend so much time with her, I want that time to be as intentional as possible. And it is really difficult, because I am working from home. So but what I found her helps a whole lot is when creating some solid boundaries, like Lily knows that whenever I'm in my studio and the doors closed, don't even speak to me. Like unless you're bleeding, I don't want to hear about it. And you know, David's in there taking care of her and it works out really great. But whenever I'm not working, I am really mindful about not working. So whenever I leave the studio, I I try hard and Sunday, it's really difficult to I am pretty envious sometimes of people who have commutes, which is kind of a messed up thing to say. But to have that buffer time between work and home would be nice and it's not something that I get to enjoy. As soon as I leave this room I am thrown right into whatever mess is going on in my files, which can be anything from you know, a fight over a book, or TV time or something burning in the kitchen. But it is something where I tried to like take a few moments before I leave the studio, I go out and I try to be at home and and we homeschool for lots of reasons for you know, because when it doesn't fit our schedule, like I don't like getting up there early in the morning, having to go pick her up midday is no good and doesn't work with her schedule either. Her body rhythms are very different from school times. And just our views on education, all the things, but we've really made homeschool our priority. And we're really bumping that up this year as we're moving into third grade with really needing to spend some time on a weekly basis to make sure that she's getting properly educated. And we do this by we invest in some tutors and some some homeschool classes and things around town so that she can have that away from home experience and learning from someone else. But we also invest a lot of our own time and spending with her mindfully doing some schoolwork, which she does not love, like don't eat. This is not some like it's painful for everyone sometimes, but it really works out better for all of us. And just like all of our like being boss things and work. It's about habits and routines. It's about knowing what we're going to be doing every day and doing it every day. It's about setting some hardcore boundaries around. You know, whenever I'm working, this is what life looks like, whenever you know you're allowed to be on the TV. That's what this looks like when you're not allowed on the TV Don't even ask or you're gonna get grounded. So there's all kinds of things that roll into it, but it takes the same sort of self discipline and mindfulness to to sort of create those relationships with your kid than it does with your business partner or your you know, no, no employees Whatever it may be, or yourself in terms of running a business. So um, so same thing, habits, routines, boundaries, and getting into the right mindset so that whenever I do leave this room, I'm not reacting off that bullshit email I just got, I'm like, leaving work at work and going in there. And another thing, another thing that I found really, really helpful is really trying hard not to ever let my kids see me on my phone. Right Oh, and another one, my kid also does not touch my phone or day she David has been letting her touch his a little bit lately to play music, video, and then she'll sneak and start doing other shit. But that's been a really fun one that I have seen a huge difference in our ability to have an amicable relationship is that one, she doesn't see me on my phone all the time. So she knows that I'm engaged with her and to she's not allowed to touch my technology at all. Tech is changing relationships, and I'm taking it back.
Unknown Speaker 31:03
Kathleen Shannon 31:06
Um, so I've talked to a lot of shit on being a mom. And it's like ruining everything. But I have to say fox is getting older and sweeter. And just the more his personality comes out the The more I love embracing the role as a mom. And so I've gotten really intentional about thinking about what kind of mom and wife and boss I want to be. And again, busting out my notebook making a list of qualities. And it's a practice, it's a daily practice. And sometimes I totally fail. And I'm not the kind of mom I want to be. And I accidentally show my kid a Snapchat filter that scares the shit out of me. That happened last night. So there's this Snapchat filter of a bunny. And then if you open your mouth, it turns into like a really scary rabid bunny. And I don't even know how
Emily Thompson 32:02
he felt that would be cute.
Kathleen Shannon 32:04
Well, it was actually his babysitter that send it to them. Like she's like show Fox's Snapchat. And I showed him and he cried so hard, I felt so bad.
Emily Thompson 32:16
And then he was scared, he won't remember, that's fine.
Kathleen Shannon 32:18
Oh, goodness, scared of my phone altogether. So he goes, Mommy, put your phone in your pocket, put it.
So I've been thinking about that too. And just letting him know that he does have my undivided attention at times. And I'm not saying that there aren't times that I'm not playing Words with Friends while he's taking a bath. But whatever it is what it is. So, um, I've been getting really intentional about being the kind of mom I want to be in practicing that at an early age. And so a lot of new moms talk about travel, or you're just doing the things that they want to do for themselves. And for me, I've been able to do that by well taking Fox on trips with me. So he's been on a lot of trips with me. And especially whenever they're under two, they fly for free and your lap. So
Unknown Speaker 33:07
why not have it
Kathleen Shannon 33:08
right. And I just really forced myself to take him out with us and to try and like bring him into our fold versus changing my life completely around him. And that has been a huge adjustment. And I really did have to kind of meet in the middle. It wasn't quite the fantasy of me bringing him on all the adventures and it wasn't quite me turning into a total. Like where he's 100% my focus it's a it's definitely been a meet in the middle kind of situation. So that's my main thing. Oh, and then the other thing that I always am a huge proponent of is daycare for your child if you do not have enough time if you're becoming resentful if you're not being able to do the things that you want to do daycare and or just getting support around childcare is a really great way to for me separate being boss and being mom and I can give more of my attention and and let go of that bullshit email that I got that day. Whenever I'm not also having a toddler tugging at my shirt.
Emily Thompson 34:16
Yeah, definitely. And something else I really want to throw out at some mom bosses because Lily is a lot or is older than I feel like most of our listeners kids are. And my feet like you're spot on with this like Fox has been a baby and babies are tough. Maybe these are just and granted like toddlers are tough and Lily is at a tough age like emotions are real things guys. But when like savor what you do have now because it will absolutely change and like change for the better and plenty of ways but it changed for the worse in a lot of ways to just in that like change is going to happen. It's going to be good and bad. So what is it that you always say like I don't know what's happening now won't happen forever. I you say it Wabi Sabi,
Unknown Speaker 35:06
nothing. Everything changes.
Emily Thompson 35:08
Oh, that Yeah, maybe that's just that perfect. So that like, and whenever it comes to comes to your kid and the relationship, like it will absolutely change, you're going to become less of a poop wiper. And more of a like cardplayer like Lily has started playing rummy, which I think is amazing, except for the fact that we literally play it all the time. But I also love that like, as painful as it kind of is to have that question posed to me on a consistent basis. I always say yes, because I do love playing. And I think it's awesome that she's learning to play things like that. So I don't know, it definitely gets better things change. So enjoy what you have now. But also nurture it for having a really good future as well, because that's one of the things like one of my long term goals with with my kid is that we are going to be really great friends, when she's a teenager, I will still totally be her mom, like it won't be like one of those weird relationships. But we're going to have a really good like mutual understanding of each other. It's because we're going to work really hard on having a great relationship now, and we're doing a pretty good job so far.
Kathleen Shannon 36:17
Yeah, I think I finally got to the point where I just really want to enjoy the process. Like I don't want to be pissed off all the time. And I've really been focusing on enjoying the process in my work, so why not focus on that at my home life, too. And just that shift in mindset has really helped my relationship with Fox, it certainly helped my relationship with my husband, and really getting dreamy together again. And starting now that fox is getting older, we're able to start daydreaming about not just surviving the next evening or the next day or the next, you know, I think that that's it, like we've been thrown into these little tiny moments where we're just trying to make it through the next meltdown. And now that those are fewer and far farther between, we can start to daydream about things like moving to a new state, and what would that look like? Or what is our next big adventure going to look like? So daydreaming is really good for my relationship?
Emily Thompson 37:16
Kathleen Shannon 37:17
Agreed that doing it getting it on,
Emily Thompson 37:19
right, and daydreaming and doing it? Um, maybe at the same time? Probably not. Um, yeah, so let's let's talk about partner relationships, though, then. Because like, running a business or being an entrepreneur requires a lot more headspace, I think. And then most traditional, like nine to five jobs, I mean, not all of them. Like, I know there's a nine to five out there that will like wear you down, and takes a whole lot of brain space to do it. But being an entrepreneur, like having all of that weight on your shoulders can make your closest relationships kind of difficult for some people. So let's talk about that for a minute. David and I have got it worked out. More or less. And we've been doing this together for a really long time, we have a really great relationship. And again, and that all comes with like boundaries as to like we're not talking business at the table. And habits and routines around like when we're going to be working every day and what it all looks like. But we also can like turn all of that off and just like daydream about things and talk about what we're going to be doing when we're 60 we're thinking about owning a campground. Won't that be cute? Right. So I want to hear about you in Jeremy though, because Jeremy has a day job like he's going to work every day he has. He has a job. And then you are at home Boston it out every day. Tell me about that dynamic a bit.
Kathleen Shannon 38:51
Yeah. So it's actually always been a really handy dynamic, because I've always felt a very strong sense of security and the fact that he has a day job and it's almost my dirty little secret when it comes to being a creative entrepreneur is that I get a lot of support and security from my husband and I kind of hate it. You know, because I wouldn't be able to tell anyone that you don't need that. But the truth is, we all need each other. We are human beings that need each other. So whether it's your partner that's offering you a sense of security, or your tribe or your mom, whoever it might be, I think it's I finally reconciled that it's okay to need support from someone so it's
Emily Thompson 39:31
okay to have a household of two incomes. Yeah. That's an okay thing.
Kathleen Shannon 39:36
It's okay. Good
Emily Thompson 39:36
Kathleen Shannon 39:37
And a lot of people assume that he's the breadwinner because he is an electrical engineer. And the truth is, I make more money than he does.
I don't know why your job. Maybe we should edit that
Emily Thompson 39:50
out. No, we shouldn't do No, I think that's I think that's a perfectly I mean, it didn't start out that way.
Kathleen Shannon 39:55
Like No, it didn't and I'm not apologetic about making more money than him. I just think it's a Interesting that people make that assumption and that I'm just like, at home being so cute recording my podcasts and writing a few blog posts, and I'm hustling this shit out people anyway. And so that doesn't, that doesn't affect our relationship at all though, which is why I thought maybe we should edit out, but we'll leave it in there. Um, okay, so he's at work all day. And it gives me a sense of security. But here's the deal. He and I feel like he's really good about, like, his job is his job, and then he can come home and just be home. Meanwhile, I'm a creative entrepreneur, my mind is always in work, it's always on work. And so I've been having to really create and be diligent about setting boundaries for myself. And that was okay, before we had a kid, like I could work 24 seven, and in general, it was okay. But now my focus is getting intentional about having some life goals outside of work. Anyway, he wants to change jobs, like he actually wants to change his entire career. So he wants to go from electrical engineering more into software and app development. And I know that he can do it, and it's going to be so amazing. Whenever he finds a job, so like, that's kind of his thing right now is he's job hunting and trying to build up his resume for a career shift. And it almost feels like I think how a lot of our creative entrepreneurs feel whenever they're wanting to shift from going from a full time day job to making their side hustle a full time gig like I'm starting to feel a lot more compassionate for our listeners who are going through that journey, because I feel like it's the journey that my husband's going through right now. Even though he's still looking for another day job, I don't think that he should start his own business anytime soon. Anyway, that's kind of where we're at. But in some ways, it's really brought us together this journey that he's on, because I can do a little bit of creative coaching with him or offer him kind of some support and security in a way that he's offered to me. So maybe that's what I'm coming around with this being the breadwinner kind of thing, we both went a lot of bread. But maybe now with the roles reversing, I can offer him a sense of security. And he can take a risk and try something new. So that's what I would love to happen. But it's given us a lot of opportunity and room to daydream. And I have to admit, like the last two and a half years without having Fox in our lives has brought us closer together. But it's also presented a lot of challenges in our marriage, like people who have a baby to save their marriage. I'm like, Who who are you?
Emily Thompson 42:41
Right? Maybe not the best move
Kathleen Shannon 42:44
a huge stressor on our marriage. But I feel like we've gotten to the other side of that, which is really exciting. And I don't know, I just liked them a whole lot. So I feel like I'm totally on a tangent and ranting about the dynamic. But I do think that I do you think that having been partnered up with someone who is good at things that you aren't good at, or offering a sense of security, whenever you're taking a risk is a really good thing. And even like okay, in our business partnership, Emily, I feel like in my partnership with Tara upbraid creative too. Like I might be freaking out about money. And then my partner like either you or Tara might be like, We're fine. But it's good to have one person freaking out about making some money and one person having that sense of security and just reassuring the other person that it's all good.
Emily Thompson 43:35
Yeah, David, that's totally my and David's dynamic, which because he is the money man, like he watches all the money coming in and out for both nd and being boss. And like he was telling me the other day because we're switching him to when I'm working one on one work to doing some digital product at Indy, which has been like our bread and butter for so long. He's a little stressed about it. And I'm just like, What are you talking about? Like he can be stressed, that's fine. You watch the numbers, you let me know when things start getting scary. But until then you can just sit over there and do what you got to do. And I'll focus on everything else. I think that's an important thing is, is I think actually, I think where this all rolls up into like finding a good partner, husband or wife or whatever. Is that like it's going to work if they're going to support you like and not like financial support. Like I don't need that. But like emotional support around like what it is that you're doing. You know, I've been having a shit day personally. I mean, all crabby all day. And I came in as like I'm about to go record for like four hours with Kathleen and David was like, well, you just know that you love us and you do great work or that we love you and you do great and all the cool things. And no, I just carry on in here. Like he's like someone who's that supportive of what you do like things are going to be fine. And if if you know your partner isn't as supportive, ask them to be or ask them why they're not or whatever it may be, I think that I think that grew up with them, right? Or Bah, Felicia, like, I'm certainly okay with that as well. I have some boundaries in my life where if David, David Toad, those too hard he be gone in a second. But I don't think that'll ever be the issue. Because I think he knows, he knows. Um, but being a creative entrepreneur, like working for yourself and doing creative work, that's just emotional in itself. Like you need some, you need some support. And if someone isn't going to be there to support you then make some adjustments in whatever way that needs to happen. But also, like, pour energy back into those relationships. You know, David and I work together, we're together 24, seven, more or less than the way that we deal with that is, we're both completely fine with like having our separate lives sometimes, like, I'll go have lunch, whenever he'll never question it, he'll go have drinks with whoever and I'll never question it. Like, we're completely okay with having with having these separate lives in some ways, because our life keeps us together so much. But then we also turn off business really easily. I'll just sit on the porch and talk about that campground when we're 65. or whatever it may be.
Kathleen Shannon 46:14
We chatted with David in Episode Number 67, because he is our business manager and Chief Financial Officer. And we were really curious about the dynamic between working together and having a family together. And there was one thing that David said in that episode I'm pulling up right now, oh, he said, You can't put energy into the business and expect it to compensate for the relationship. And now a man has been so inspiring to me. And it really just hearing you guys talk to each other and love each other. It really inspired me in my own relationship to put more energy into that relationship and it's totally paid off. So where you put your energy will absolutely pay off.
Emily Thompson 47:01
Yeah, definitely. And that's in just wrapping this all up in like an all relationships, I think this is one of the the common thread, whether it's your partner, or your kid, or you know, making new friendships or nurturing old ones, like if you want it to count, like if you want it to count for something in your life, if you want it to stay around and be good. Put positive energy into it positive being the operative word here because being a bitch does not serve you in your relationships. It's something I've been thinking about starting a fun little like hashtag or blog series or something about the life lessons, I'm teaching my eight year old, just like, you know, ask for what you want. Don't ask questions, you know the answer to like those sorts of things. Because these like life lessons for an eight year old can be repeated for everyone. Like I feel like I feel myself like saying these to my coaching clients sometimes. And one of those is Be kind, like just to be kind. So that putting that positive energy and relationships, guys, if you guys could see Lily, seriously whenever it comes to our neighbors, like every time a new neighbor moves into our neighborhood, like on our block, she has this basket that she uses. Or she will she'll go through the house and pick the most random things up like a bag of popcorn and some rocks or stickers are in like show put together these little like welcome baskets for new neighbors and take them over. They're like one of the most like insanely kind people and I think that and I that's how you nurture relationships, and they all love her for and they all love us work because we created such a cool kid. We're just like, dude, we did not make her this way. like she'd be a hermit if she was really from David Nye, but I think that a lot can be learned from that. Just be kind and make it a priority, and you will have some really good relationships.
Kathleen Shannon 48:57
Our kids are our greatest teachers. Hmm. That's a cliche, for sure. But it's so true. It's cliche for a reason,
Emily Thompson 49:05
right? I know, David was saying the other day, I don't remember what he was doing this, this horrible story that I'm telling you here, but something happened where he probably wasn't the most out of his way kind. I mean, he wasn't mean by any means. But like, he was like, sometimes I feel like I'm teaching Lilly to be a mean or person then she is like, you kinda have to think about that. I'm definitely one of our she teaches me tons of things, but I teach her some good shit too.
Kathleen Shannon 49:33
One thing that I want to mention before we get off this podcast is that the relationships that you have that are in your creative network are so important as well. And along with being kind, I think that being generous is a really great quality to have with anyone you come across. I recently saw an article being shared on Facebook. That was something like, here's what I'm really thinking when you want to pick my brain over coffee about social media. And it's like you wouldn't expect this of a doctor and kind of going down that route. And while I agree, I don't know, I feel like I've built my business on coffee chats, and being generous and kind and giving my attention and time to practically strangers.
Emily Thompson 50:22
I just think you have this, I think this is a conversation David and I were having the other day is 90% of the work that I do I do for free. Like for absolute free, absolutely. And like, but I don't even think about it anymore. Like whatever I thought about it. When I got when I realized the place that I'd gotten to, and especially in being one on one client work, like the amount of time I do I spend writing like email funnels or blog posts, or podcasting, or like, we're organizing LIKE A BOSS vacations, and granted a lot of those things. Like I get paid for later. But right now I'm doing all of that work for free. And I think I think that whenever we look at look at what being boss has become over the past year and a half and over and what we know it will become and how crazy and awesome things are. I think that's probably pretty indicative of the fact that you and I are not afraid to be as generous with what we have as we possibly can. But also we're entrepreneurs in that we're going to make some money to somehow that 10% we monetize, but 90% of our time we are working for free.
Kathleen Shannon 51:28
Amen. Right. That's a good place to stop.
Emily Thompson 51:35
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Kathleen Shannon 52:51
Thank you for listening to being boss. Please be sure to visit our website at being boss club where you can find Show Notes for this episode. Listen to past episodes and discover more of our content that will help you be boss in work and life. Did you like this episode, please share it with a friend and show some love by leaving a rating and review on iTunes.
Emily Thompson 53:11
Do the work. Be boss and we'll see you next week.
Kathleen Shannon 53:30
Yeah, well. Okay, we're done.
Unknown Speaker 53:35
Kathleen Shannon 53:37
No, really? We're finished here. Okay. By Me, bah,
Unknown Speaker 53:43
bah, bah, bah.
Emily Thompson 53:47
There we go. Good job.
Kathleen Shannon 53:50
Okay, let me stop that recording.
In this episode, the Hot Shit 200 worksheet was mentioned. Download your copy here!